The Real Housewives of New Jersey kicks off with Teresa at home, navigating life as a single mom. Her widowed dad and new roommate, Nonno, is in the kitchen, cooking up pork chops and spending time with the family. A month has passed since Teresa’s mom’s death, but Nonna is alive in her grandkids’ hearts and minds. Milania is alarmed by the ghostly sight of her granny cooking, but Teresa reassures the sobbing child that seeing dead people floating around is a good thing. Alrighty then.
It’s the day after Siggy and Margaret’s diner confrontation, so Siggy visits her bestie, Dolores, to fill her in on the drama. Siggy rehashes the details, and shares that Margaret apologized, but not without taking a swipe at Dolores. According to Margaret, Dolores is Siggy’s “yes man,” and Teresa and Melissa agree with the assessment. Dolores is especially annoyed by Teresa’s cosign, because her association with the Bravo bank robber constantly puts her credibility on the line. Siggy is hosting an upcoming cocktail party, and challenges Dolores to hear Teresa and Melissa’s side, at the event.
Over at the Gorga’s — Melissa and Joe engage in some backdoor foreplay before Margaret and her husband arrive for dinner. Melissa and Joe immediately want the dirty deets on their scandalous love affair. They laugh and joke about how Margaret
set out to seduced a visiting carpenter, and how their tawdry affair went down in her then husband’s house. The couple is not shy about sharing details — because according to Margaret’s hubby, the pig-tailed temptress invaded her home construction zone wearing a wife-beater — minus a bra. Joe wants to know exactly where Margaret broke her marriage vows — and Margaret reveals that the sleazy deed took place at a cheap motel hotel.
The convo switches to Margaret making up with Siggy — and the cake assassin questions the whereabouts of her missing apology — after-all it was her birthday. Margaret chalks up Siggy’s emotional state to hormone pellets up her butt — naturally, the derriere shout-out catches Joe’s attention.
We jump over to Siggy, who is trying to drag some communication out of her son, Josh. He’s a senior in high school and his vocabulary has been reduced to one word sentences — much to the dismay of his mother. Siggy is struggling to have a relationship with her son, as his interest has shifted to the other woman in his life. Siggy is worried about their connection, as her boy prepares to enter his college years.
Meanwhile, Melissa visits Teresa, and Audriana hogs the camera — the ball of girl power showing off her yoga skills. The animated little girl interrupts the ladies as they chat, and Melissa tells the camera that Teresa has her hands full, managing mommy duties while her husband is up the river. Melissa tells Teresa about Joe’s restaurant purchase, but it turns out that Teresa is already in the know. Melissa’s nervous that the new family business might crash their carefully crafted sister-in-law love fest.
Over at Margaret’s office, her
horny mother is talking about dating an old friend and his penis. Marge senior is a dirty grandma, and wants a man that’s good in the sack. She announces that she’s not afraid to take on big things because sex is pretty much everything.
We next sit in on Danielle, Teresa and Melissa, who are meeting for lunch to talk all things Siggy. Teresa reveals that Siggy apologized to her, but Melissa’s not happy to hear this, because evidently, her’s is still lost in the mail.
We jump over to Melissa, Teresa and Joe, who are meeting up at the new family business. Teresa walks in late, then Melissa strolls in, which triggers Teresa to stick her claws into her tardy sister-in-law. Teresa secretly confesses that she’s pissed over Melissa’s unsolicited parenting advice from the day before. The ladies bicker over Melissa’s blasé delay, and Teresa isn’t letting her off the hook. The argument turns to Melissa’s role at the restaurant. Melissa makes it clear that she’ll hang out at the hostess stand occasionally, but they shouldn’t expect more from her. Teresa takes offense to her less than helpful stance, while Joe shushes his twin ticking time bombs!
Dolores‘ boyfriend, David, is selling his house and Dolores has invited Siggy over to get advice on staging the home for sale. Dolores and David’s romance is heating up, and he plans to move closer to the mother of two. The conversation turns to their boys leaving for college, and Siggy declares that she just wants a little respect for pushing Josh out of her cookie.
On the other side of town, Teresa is home, playing with Milania and slime. Milania shares that she got an email from her imprisoned dad. Apparently, they email every day.
It’s party time over at Siggy’s place! Danielle and Teresa travel to the shindig together, and the gossip turns to Dolores. Danielle is chomping at the bit to expose a comment Dolores dished about the prison wife. Danielle explains that several weeks earlier, Dolores and her son got career advice from her boyfriend, and at that time, Dolores told Danielle —”Teresa is many things, but she is not concerned about anything or anyone except for money. Be careful!” Teresa is shocked by the news, because she considers Dolores a real friend. She’s furious, and can’t wait to confront Dolores at Siggy’s party.
Melissa arrives at the bash and is warmly greeted by Siggy. Dolores walks up, and the drama in Boca is brought up. Melissa explains that she feels Siggy was relentless, and overly cake-sensitive at the table — calling them names and demanding manners. Siggy reiterates that her feelings were hurt after the cake was flung across the floor. Siggy then takes the floor and engages her party guests in a poll: “Everybody — I want everybody to shut up. If I have a cake made for you for your birthday and it’s 3 tiers and it’s beautiful. If it’s being thrown across a restaurant. How many people thinks that’s rude? Raise your hand!” Siggy then drops to the floor and passionately expresses that all is well.
A mortified Melissa turns away and walks off. Just then Teresa and Danielle arrive, and Melissa fills them in on the high-spirited festivities. They all laugh it off, as Siggy and Dolores suggest that they all go outside to rehash #CakeGate.
Teresa is in rare form as she holds court in Siggy’s backyard. The queen bee interrogates Siggy first over confronting Melissa on the cake throwing drama. Teresa is crass and dismisses the cake toss as no biggie — making it clear to Siggy she needs to back off and fahgettaboudit!
Tensions rise even more when the criminal mastermind cross-examines Dolores for not stepping in during the Boca blowout. Teresa accuses Dolores of being attached to Siggy, and Dolores defends her loyalty to Teresa. Dolores tells Teresa that she would never let anyone talk about her. Danielle joins the mean girl terror campaign, and accuses Dolores of slamming Teresa behind her back. Danielle blurts out Dolores’ alleged warning about Teresa’s devotion to cash only — and that’s when things get ugly!
Dolores jumps out of her seat and lunges at Danielle — calling her a “crazy scumbag” and a “motherf*cking liar.” Dolores vehemently denies uttering those vile words, and warns Teresa that the “starving hungry bitch,” aka Danielle, has ulterior motives.
The Italian-American tragedy ends with Danielle running off in tears, while the wrenching pit of pain that is Dolores, is in complete shock over how the Godfather-esque scene went down. She tells Siggy that Danielle is back for revenge, and Teresa better watch her back.
Teresa follows a shaken Danielle into the living room, who swears up and down that Dolores told her those things. She’s ready to leave the party, and Teresa feels obligated to join, so she grabs Melissa, and the three musketeers exit together. In a talking head confessional, Melissa says that she’s insulted and embarrassed over how Dolores and Siggy treated weepy Danielle. Honestly, can you blame them? Danielle’s sanity and connection to reality have always been in question, while Dolores’ credibility remains solid.
Tune in next week when #CakeGate rages on, and tension rises between Teresa and Melissa over the restaurant.