Hey, y’all, we are back with The Real Housewives of Dallas and there is a lot happening. Launch parties, squabbles and confrontations, so strap on your sexual chocolate cowboy boots and let’s two-step our way through this episode.
After a quick scene with Stephanie’s son Cruz getting tutored, we join Kameron as she finalizes the details for her Sparkle Dog launch party. There will be lots of sparkle, a pink carpet step-and-repeat, and a dog psychic, because obviously. D’Andra stops by to see the progress. Horror! The dog food is not the right shade of pink. D’Andra tells Kameron not to stop the party train once it leaves the station. Pretend everything is just fine. This exact advice will come in handy to D’Andra very soon.
Cary and Stephanie meet to discuss what a crappy friend Cary is. Stephanie feels bad about the mean-girl ambush Cary received at Brandi’s party, but wants to get to the bottom of the comment Cary said about not being friends with her because that’s more important.
Across town, Brandi arrives on LeeAnne’s doorstep with a huge plant for her flesh-eating disease. The antibiotics are doing their job and LeeAnne’s boobs are getting better. LeeAnne says she smashed the glass at the party to get everyone to shut up — including herself?
Back at the restaurant, Cary says she felt physically and emotionally attacked at the party. And once again, Stephanie doesn’t acknowledge Cary’s feelings, she just wants to know if it’s true that Cary said she wouldn’t be friends with her. Cary says yes, it’s true. And here’s why that’s important, it means we can believe Cary. Stephanie says she didn’t agree with Brandi making the comment about Cary being Mark’s “fucking nanny.” Of course, why not say so at the time, but Stephanie doesn’t like to get in the middle of things.
Back at LeeAnne’s house, Brandi says she cannot be friends with someone named Cary who calls her a liar. LeeAnne is pointing her finger and talking like she’s on RHOA, saying, “Girl, I had no idea she was the nanny.” So thanks for stooping to a lower echelon than LeeAnne. Brandi’s cheers for victory because this proves she isn’t the trashiest housewife in the group. Give me a NO IT DOESN”T!
Back with Cary, she tells Stephanie that once she and Brandi made up, she was discarded like yesterday’s newspaper dogs poop on. Cary says Brandi has cast a spell on Stephanie and she needs to be conscience of separating herself. Stephanie says she’s not Brandi and they are two separate people who are joined at the hips.
Over at LeeAnne, she tells Brandi she doesn’t want to see her get hurt again by Stephanie because of Cary’s manipulative ways. And if anyone knows about manipulation, it’s LeeAnne, and Brandi is guzzling down the Jesus juice.
Yay! We get a break from this nonsense and join D’Andra at the cosmetic design lab. The new elixir promises the world in anti-aging. L22 is not only D’Andra’s favorite number, it’s the active ingredient in this product. They say your face will go back to when you were 22. Mmm-hmm. Next up, D’Andra has swamp land to sell – 22 acres. But here comes the bad news, y’all, L22 won’t be available for four weeks and the launch party is in two weeks. D’Andra needs to remember what she told Kameron about not letting others know you’ve screwed up— especially her mom!
Next we are with Kameron who is pumping up her children about the Sparkle launch party. Her adorable daughter points out that the wrong shade of pink is so very, “Awkward.” Her husband Court strolls in with the new box of dog food. Will it be the correct shade of bubble-gum pink? Yes. Crisis averted and the DEFCON level is restored to 5.
Over at Stephanie’s house, Travis comes home looking exhausted to check on Stephanie’s progress managing their children. We learn that Travis didn’t learn to read until his second time through 3rd grade. Travis can relate to his son’s struggles because it’s his fault struggles too. When he was a kid, being pulled out of class made him feel stupid and he doesn’t want his son to feel this way. Finally, Travis is humanized!
Elsewhere, Brandi and Kameron meet for lunch after Kameron is finally able to parallel park her Range Rover. Why isn’t there valet? WHY?! After Kameron orders a girly, fruity drink, she tells Brandi she wants to invite her to her dog food launch party, but can’t risk Brandi ruining her brand – what brand? – should Brandi do something obnoxious. Brandi says she doesn’t want to fight with Kameron, but also doesn’t want a stick up her ass, said the girl who doesn’t like people with a Hyde Park zip code.
It’s launch party time! The bitches start arriving and so do their dogs. In the car ride over with Brandi and LeeAnne, they fill D’Andra in on the goings on at the white party. D’Andra is not feeling it with the rumor about Cary being Mark’s nanny. She too was accused of being a homewrecker even though Jeremy was already divorced. And this is why we like D’Andra.
At the party, Kameron’s dog Louis, who is also the brand’s face, makes his grand entrance. Kameron gives her speech that goes like this, Like thank you for agreeing how beautiful I am and to support my new little hobby of pink dog food that will never catch on.
D’Andra visits with the pet psychic to learn why one of her dogs, Gypsy, won’t lay on the bed with her. We learn it’s about Gypsy’s relationship with her mom whom she didn’t bond with. D’Andra breaks into tears because she thinks this is really about her mom whom she didn’t bonded with.
For some reason, Mark shows up at this bitchfest, hopefully to support his wife, but you never know with this guy. LeeAnne tells the other ladies that she doesn’t want to exclude anyone from her engagement party (season finale) but she has decided to exclude Cary. However, she’s not an unreasonable person. She is willing to discuss their exclusion to their engagement party (season finale) with Mark – but not Cary. Meanwhile, Stephanie wants Cary to talk with Brandi about their issues right this second.
When Cary asks Brandi what she did that was so bad that Brandi mentioned the kids, Brandi can’t answer because Cary won’t let her speak. Over with LeeAnne and Mark, she calls his wife a liar. Mark asks LeeAnne about the comment she made about his soliciting men’s services. LeeAnne says she said it because Cary said Rich has a small penis, which is not true. At least about the timing of who said what. I’m not sure about Rich’s penis, but LeeAnne said her comment first in the doctor’s office on drugs and then Cary made her comment in Mexico on alcohol. After all of that, Mark and Cary are now invited to LeeAnne and Rich’s engagement party (season finale). But there is some hope because Brandi admits to Cary she was immature and apologizes for calling her a “fucking nanny.”
Get this, next week is the season finale. Did this season just fly by, or what, y’all? Tune in to see Brandi and LeeAnne have it out once and for all. Yesss!