It’s reunion time for the Shahs of Sunset. Who’s ready so see the outlandish outfits, the dramatic walk offs, and the need for a paramedic? Well hold onto your hummus because here we go! The first ridiculous question of the night from Andy Cohen is which actor would play the Shahs in a movie version which will never happen. Mike: Robert De Niro; Reza: Andy Garcia; GG: Angelina Jolie; Shervin: the guy who plays Count Drogo in Game of Thrones; MJ: Salma Hayek. Hang on a sec while I stop laughing. Okay, I’m better. And either Andy didn’t ask Asa or it was edited out because no one cares, but I’m going to suggest Cher.
First up is talk of plastic surgery. Raise your hand if you’ve had anything done. Mike, GG, and Shervin proudly raise their hands. MJ won’t because she’s above questions like this. When Andy reminds MJ that all season long she has been complaining that Asa wasn’t being transparent, isn’t she doing the same thing? Bam! Asa explains that when she does speak it’s with honesty. Oh, really? Asa proclaims that MJ’s lips are not hers, something MJ denies, because obviously they’re hers now. Mike tries to explain that he does Botox but nothing for his raccoon eyes. He and GG get into an argument because she likes to bulldoze people who disagree with her.
Andy rolls his eyes and moves on to baby talk with Asa. She says being a mother is completely magical when it’s not completely grueling. So any baby pictures to share? Nope. Asa must first get permission from Jermain to share the baby’s picture publicly. Fun fact: someday their baby may play with Janet Jackson’s baby if they get permission from her.
Next, a flashback is shown when Mike first mentioned that a mixed racial relationship in their culture is hard enough, but with a black dude, wow, that’s like all kinds of taboo. Asa says, “How dare you mention my man is black?” Andy asks why you can’t say the word black. Asa says because no one mentions the word white. And if she had just stopped there Asa would have been fine – but no.
Asa accuses Mike of making Jessica convert to Judaism only to cheat on her. Mike calls Asa a fake, a false, and a liar. Asa calls Mike an ignorant casual racist. But they love each other – deep down – somewhere.
Moving on, Andy says the Shahs made Bravo history as the first show to go to Israel. Andy asks GG why she was upset by Reza saying “fuck Iran” right before she was to be in a runway show. GG says it’s because her family is from there. Reza clarifies that Iran is a terrorist country that stones gays. They discuss the Iranian government and the KKK, but Andy wisely didn’t delve into this subject further. GG says she’s okay with Reza saying “fuck the Islamic Republic” regime. As long as she’s happy, that’s all that matters.
Never before seen footage is shown of the Shahs in Israel when they were nearly killed. It was a misunderstanding. The restaurant manager wanted more money to continue filming at his restaurant. The producer said, “No problem” which was lost in translation. The guy heard, No. Problem. See the difference? He goes ballistic and kicks the Shahs out.
Andy asks about the “Arab ghetto” area Asa sent them to so they could interview people in a “town where Jews and Muslims co-exist.” Only it wasn’t and they don’t. Asa says the negativity the group received was due to their being closed off. I think that’s called victim blaming, but what do I know. Anyway, Mike and Reza felt a presence at the Wailing Wall and GG still wants to tear it down.
Vida and Tommy join the others on the couch to add their two cents. Andy asks MJ what she was smoking when she decided to move into her mother’s condo complex. In MJ’s defense, it’s more like what was she drinking. But the update on her father is he’s doing much better and MJ thinks she’s no longer in a tailspin. At least her boobs are somewhat contained tonight.
For someone who was fixated on getting pregnant, I’m surprised MJ isn’t pregnant yet. Flashbacks are shown of the fight between MJ and Tommy at the painting party yelling about being ready for kids. MJ says looking back, she can see Tommy was concerned and she was in a state of panic. Vida is still not ready to be a grandmother because MJ is not ready to be a mother. Deep shit is discussed when it’s revealed Vida is projecting her not wanting a grandbaby because she did not want MJ. If any good has come from this it’s that Vida and Tommy now like each other. There are no wedding plans as of yet, but Andy tells them he’s ordained in the State of New York. Free wedding! Lastly, Andy asks Vida who has changed for the best and for the worst. Mike is best and Asa is an ungrateful person.
Next Destiney joins the group. She got her start from being on The People’s Couch. They discuss if she and Mike are destiny. She says no, that she would cut him up and wear him like his new shoe line, but me thinks thou doth protest too loudly. Destiney is not dating anyone right now and she likes men who aren’t pussies. Oh darn, that leaves Mike out.
The conversation shifts to Shervin cheating on Annalise when really they were in an exclusive open relationship. The gang had no idea their relationship was open. Shervin two-times face-times Annalise, and while Andy is questioning her about their “open relationship” status, MJ gets up and walks off the set because she’s in need of a shot. Alcohol? B-12? Who knows, but Annalise says she doesn’t expect monogamy from Shervin because he’s half a world away. However, is she dating anyone? No. She’s not. But she can if she wants to. Mmm-hmm. MJ returns to the couch and calls the Shervin and Annalise encounter, scripted.
Moving on to the two words that defined this season: bastard child. MJ says it’s the textbook definition of a child out of wedlock. Shervin and Asa both think it’s vile. Asa points out that Reza should have defended her when MJ said that about her. Reza says he was too busy keeping Asa’s other secret. So did Asa use her frozen boy embryos for her bastard child or not? Finally Asa answers the question and says she got pregnant without help. So what does the rest of the cast think? Mike says he believes Asa. MJ says she does not. GG does not. Shervin says it’s not his business but thinks Asa had help. And Reza says…you’ll have to tune in next week – but I think if Reza doesn’t say he believes her, their friendship is over.
On part two of the reunion we learn why GG needs a paramedic, that gay marriages are different, and why Asa is on the show. Can’t wait!