We return to the Shahs of Sunset where we left off last week — the fight between MJ and Tommy concerning their baby-making plans. It’s now the following morning and Tommy is in their bed, putting the moves on MJ, but she says, hell to the no. MJ says her
cuckoo clock is ticking loudly. Tommy explains he wants a baby, too, but he wants them to be healthy. MJ writes a list on the wall in crayon — just like their future kids will do — of the things they need to do prior to getting pregnant. Number one: parenting classes; number two: sobriety (misspelled); number six: get married first so they don’t have a bastard child.
Up next, Mike is at his attorney’s office signing his divorce papers. There will be no alimony and everybody is keeping what they came in with. Flashbacks are shown of better times. Then flashbacks are shown of worse times. Mike signs the papers and is told he will be a free man in two months, able to cheat once again.
The crew is going to New York City to see GG in her play. Their townhouse rental is the bomb! Everyone is there except Shervin and Asa. Asa probably can’t fly, but they are talking smack about her anyway. Nothing is said about Shervin and his cheating ass. Brace yourself, this next part is really, really weird. The gang is just hanging out in the living room and GG says she just told Shalom about the make out scene with a gay guy in the play, and he’s not happy. Okay. Life goes on — or so you would think. Shalom knew the play was called: Sex Tips for the Straight Woman from a Gay Man — but he didn’t know GG would make out with him.
While eating, the gang asks Shalom and GG how they met. Shalom says GG found him on J-Date, but I think that’s called sarcasm. It’s hard to tell with Shalom. Reza congratulates GG on her journey from psychotic bitch to somewhat normal woman. Let’s drink lots of Tequila! And just like that, we learn that Shalom will not be going to the play to support his woman. The rest of the gang is like, WTF not? Why are you here in the Big Apple? Shalom gets up and walks out of the room. Reza can’t believe this. The guy she’s kissing is gay. Who cares? MJ and Reza confront Shalom about this, but he tells them to suck his d*ck.
Downstairs Mike tells GG that Shalom in a jealous man. Ya think? Mike then gives GG advice he must have gotten from his fortune cookie, but could be GG’s next tattoo: “Is my ego my amigo.” If you are on a reality show, chances are the answer is no. Meanwhile, Shalom gives the camera man a double-bird flip, so that’s special.
Mike goes outside to lure Shalom back inside because it’s cold as shit. GG asks Shalom why he’s so upset. He tells her she doesn’t need the money, suggesting that she’s degrading herself and he won’t have it. GG says it’s not about the money. Shalom says he refuses to be a bitch on a leash (too late) and wants to go home to his family (bye Felicia).
Reza asks GG if he can talk to her for two minutes. Reza is concerned that their different religions will do them in, just like it did his parents. GG is shocked by Shalom’s explosion. MJ joins GG and Reza and explains that all she has to do is lie and manipulate her man because that’s the old-school Persian way. We have a plan!
They leave so GG and Shalom can talk alone. But Shalom won’t talk. GG is trying to reach out, but he’s checked out. They finally start talking, which leads to yelling, and GG threatening to beat his ass. So much for the anger management. Shalom gets up and walks out again. Adam comforts GG by telling her she’s going to need to get her tattoo removed.
Everyone decides to go to bed, but GG gets a text from Shalom saying they need to talk. Ya think? She puts on her boots and goes outside. Cut to commercial. The next morning Reza wakes everyone up with his annoying impression of a Persian alarm clock. When he gets to GG’s room, there’s someone else in the bed with her. It’s Shalom though he stays hidden. Get this, GG goes downstairs and shows off her engagement ring. Turns out, Shalom proposed to GG last night in Times Square with a huge lit up sign that said “Will you marry me.” This takes time, so Shalom obviously planned it, so why be a jerk? GG says she couldn’t say no to the huge rock of a ring. MJ comes downstairs, dragging her boobs with her, and has ring envy because the diamond is bigger than her ass.
Reza and Adam leave to go visit a gay orthodox rabbi — or the chupacabra as he’s known in some regions. Reza wants to raise their child as a Jew, but Adam doesn’t seem like he wants to convert. The rabbi says it’s okay because they won’t be taken seriously all you need is love. The rabbi and his partner chose surrogacy over adoption. Reza starts to cry because things are getting real.
The rest of the gang goes jewelry shopping. MJ spends $7,500 on her third Cartier watch and $6,200 on a Rolex for Tommy. An “I’m sorry for being so cray-cray” gift if ever I saw one. Reza and Adam meet up with the crew at dinner. As they drink, Reza suggests having a group party back home to celebrate life. They ask Mike who he’ll bring and he says his mom. Oh, Mike. This oh-woe-is-me thing you’ve got going isn’t sexy. After providing a lengthy excuse as to why he can’t bring a woman, Mike mentions it took him a year to introduce his future ex-wife to his parents. This triggers MJ to ask about Jessica, and the table goes quiet.
Mike says she’s cool. GG says she ran into Jessica during rehearsals. So she’s in NYC? Mike explains that he and Jessica are in an awkward place. He would love to be able to go back in time and not cheat and lie and make a fool out of her. The gang encourages Mike to try one last time with Jessica.
Tune in next week when Mike falls asleep during GG’s play because of his overnight hookup with Jessica who is apparently in NYC.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.