Hey y’all, we are back for another high-riding episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas! We join Cary and Mark who are expanding the plastic surgery business. Cary asks her boss/husband if it’s okay to leave early so she can go to yoga then pick up THEIR daughter. Mark reluctantly agrees. Cary says in her testimonial that you know things are bad because they’re only having sex once a day. Gag me with an implant.
Next, we are with Stephanie and Travis as they show the boys their new digs. The boys are not impressed with the indoor pool and would rather chase the hiding swans. Stephanie and Travis sit in front of the non-kid proofed lit fireplace and argue over the practicality of the indoor pool. Travis agrees to cover the pool and let Stephanie decorate provided he has the final say in everything. Every-Thing. Then dad and boys push Stephanie into the pool. Such fake fun.
Cary is at home with Zuri in matching yoga outfits goofing off. The whole point of this scene is to tell us that Mark is jealous of any attention Cary gives to THEIR daughter because he’s the biggest baby in the house.
Onto LeeAnne who is being picked up by Brandi to take her to the vajayjay doctor for her breast reconstruction. Right away LeeAnne brings up Cary’s dis of her doctor. LeeAnne gets all worked up which is not good before surgery. This is a time to be Zen and STFU. Brandi also experienced Cary’s disapproval from Cary with her choice of a plastic surgeons. According to Cary, this is Mark: great surgeon; terrible father. What a resume! But then, LeeAnne says Cary is going to find herself in big trouble one day. Hold the cold beer! Them are fighting words.
We meet Dr. True the
vajayjay doctor who will be conducting the breast surgery. Any questions? Why does the doc have a construction level in the room? Because he needs it. Moving on, Brandi loves how LeeAnne’s nipples point due north and thinks she’s got real talent. I mean, it’s not carni freak show talent, but it could come in handy if you’re lost in the woods.
But LeeAnne is not finished with her rant, and goes for Cary’s jugular with more threats and insults. In fact, when I saw this scene last week, I chalked it up to LeeAnne being under the effects of anesthesia. Nope. LeeAnne is caught on tape through a closed door, in her mostly lucid self. She tells Brandi that Mark gets his d*ck sucked at The Round Up and she knows the boys who did it. Boys is plural.
LeeAnne rails on about her hands not being knives, but they work well. If Cary winds up dead by strangulation, y’all, we know who did it.
Back with Cary and Mark, they are filming an in-office promo with one of their patients getting new boobs for all the world to see on their website. During filming, Mark and Cary get into a small spat about her going to yoga, again. So tired of this argument.
Checking in with Brandi and LeeAnne, they say a prayer that she doesn’t die on the table. LeeAnne tells Brandi that no matter what, they are going to have fun in Mexico, damnit! After her surgery, Rich is there to pick up a very groggy LeeAnne.
After Mark’s surgery, Cary breaks the news that she’s quitting to become a full-time stay-at-home mom for a couple of years before Zuri starts school. Mark guilt’s her about this selfish decision to put THEIR daughter before his practice.
Later, Brandi and Stephanie are shopping for bathing suits while drinking champagne – the perfect combination. Stephanie asks about LeeAnne and her surgery, and that’s all the prodding Brandi needs to spill the iced-tea on cray-cray LeeAnne and her hatred of Cary. They both agree this is not normal and they secretly hope LeeAnne won’t be able to go to Mexico. Spoiler alert: she goes, yay! Brandi and Stephanie decide Brandi needs to tell Cary about the threat, but hold the info about Mark’s side business at The Round Up.
Next, we are with Stephanie during her home-visit from her life coach. They discuss Stephanie’s son Cruz and his dyslexia. Stephanie feels guilty for not moving Cruz sooner to a different school because she was so caught up in Brandi’s issues. Wow. That’s quite the blame game. But Stephanie has now learned to set boundaries, bless her heart.
We are now at the shooting range with Cary and D’Andra and their significant others. D’Andra has been a seasoned shooter since she was three. Mark shares that if they had a gun, he and Cary would kill each other. Mark then complains to D’Andra that he’s a pouty baby because Cary has decided to stay home with THEIR daughter. During their shooting session, Cary gets a phone call from Brandi to deliver the news about LeeAnne wanting to hurt her with hands that aren’t knives. Brandi describes LeeAnne’s eyes as delusional. She’s one to talk. Cary repeats this to Mark and D’Andra. Mark takes it seriously, but D’Andra is like, So she popped off. It’s what LeeAnne does. And let’s face it, it’s Rich who should worry. Mark suggests Cary not go to Mexico, but we all know Cary would rather take her chances with LeeAnne if it means a week off from Mark. Wonder who’s watching Zuri? Let’s all say a prayer.
Here’s the “round up” before the girls’ trip: Stephanie is working with Cruz on his alphabet letters because she is now a focused mommy. LeeAnne is taped up and making Rich pack for Mexico, determined to go. Kameron is whining that she has to fly commercial and can’t bring her furry suitcase. Brandi is packing pink despite the color being owned by Kameron. D’Andra has learned the Jeremy’s son has gotten a job interview without her help. And Cary is happy that Mark’s concern about her quitting has shifted to being worried about LeeAnne killing her.
And off they go! Playa del Carmen will never be the same. The ladies are shown the Presidential Suite. The sleeping arrangements are: Brandi and Stephanie, Cary and Kameron, and D’Andra and LeeAnne. Kameron is like soo confused, y’all, about this whole killing story, so Brandi, Stephanie and Cary fill her in. But across the hotel suite, LeeAnne tells D’Andra she’s gone out of her way to be nice to Cary. D’Andra tells LeeAnne to take a chill pill – or many – this is not a good look on her. And Kameron is confused about who’s really friends and who’s really fake. Good luck figuring that one out, blondie!
Tune in next time when Brandi chases Kameron across the beach with a dildo and Cary confronts LeeAnne about the strangling threats.