Hey y’all, we are back with another episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas -which is getting better with each passing week. This week we begin with a reception. LeeAnne is kissing butt like she’s running for office. Kameron and D’Andra also are in attendance to witness LeeAnne’s new calling in life: motivational speaking. Tonight’s speech is about overcoming obstacles. We learn LeeAnne and D’Andra both have abandonment issues from their childhoods, though their childhoods were very different.
Next, we visit Brandi and her unruly children who do not want a baby brother. Maybe Brandi should get a puppy because even she is questioning her ability to handle another child.
Back at the reception, D’Andra is distraught to hear LeeAnne trash-talking Cary with a male attendee. LeeAnne had just finished a speech about wanting to fit in, y’all, but then rips another woman’s character to shreds? D’Andra lets her have it. She says it’s time to cut the crap, so D’Andra will be hosting an honest tea party/group therapy session/cluster fuck of a day.
Next, we join Cary in the kitchen with Mark and Zuri. I hate to be the one to point this out, y’all, but when Zuri grows up she’s going to have daddy issues. Anyway, Kameron and her husband Court stop by to eat some grub. After dinner, Kameron brings up again how rude it was for Brandi to give gifts in front of her and leave her out of the trip to Memphis. Cary says that Brandi just wanted the trip to be about her. Mark is visibly becoming unglued because his daughter, who is four years-old, is acting like a four year-old. Mark offers to put Zuri to bed, but that offer goes over like he’s Pennywise from It. After dinner Mark and Cary get into a fight over including a child at a dinner party. Cary refuses to help clean up. That’ll teach him.
Over at LeeAnne and Rich’s house, they are getting ready to go to the Texas State Fair. Her baby voice is quite annoying, but she’s happy to be going on a date with Rich. You would think being a former carni-kid, this wouldn’t be something LeeAnne would want to do, but she’s the perfect person to have on the midway. A natural ringer. At the balloon game, there’s a special prize. After Rich pops a balloon, he opens the box and shows LeeAnne what’s inside – a diamond ring and a proposal. Finally! Then Big Tex announces that Rich loves LeeAnne. A proposal fit for a carni-kid!
Did you know every debutant knows how to throw a proper tea party? It’s called society 101, y’all. Get this, LeeAnne is not wearing her new engagement ring to the tea. Why? Is it fake? LeeAnne says it’s because she doesn’t want to hear, “When’s the wedding,” and have to reply, “In another eight years.”
Over at Cary’s house, Stephanie and Brandi talk about what a mess this tea party will be. Brandi is worried that it’s going to be another pretentious high society event where she’ll be judged. Finger crossed! LeeAnne’s plan it to drink which is always a great plan, if you ask me. D’Andra says she wants to create a safe environment where the ladies won’t be afraid of LeeAnne. Good luck with that.
All the ladies have arrived and are wearing fascinators or hats, though Brandi has broken proper tea code by showing cleavage. Trying to redeem herself, Brandi has brought Kameron a pink sparkly gift — it’s a bottle of Jack Daniels. Kameron then points out it was rude of Brandi to give her gift in front of the other women who didn’t get one. Ugh, woman! Brandi commits yet another party foul by dropping the F bomb.
D’Andra goes over the rules. If you hear the bell or gavel you need to shut the eff up. Cards are passed out for the women to write questions and place them in the tea pot. First question: Why is LeeAnne not invited inside Brandi’s house? Brandi says it’s because of her potty mouth. Kameron brings up that it was also rude of Brandi not to bring LeeAnne to Memphis. Kameron and Brandi go at it, but ironically Kameron does it without using a potty mouth. Brandi says she’s out of there, but since she rode in a limo with Stephanie and Cary, she’s a trapped rat and returns.
Th next question is for Brandi: Why do you act like you like LeeAnne when you say you don’t. This question is from Cary who claims she worded it wrong. Umm, yeah. You sound like a jealous girlfriend. Brandi explains this guy at the doggy costume event told her LeeAnne was using her, and he also said Mark was 100% gay. Which is definitely an exaggeration. Mark is only 75% gay. LeeAnne denies saying any of this.
Next question from Brandi: Did LeeAnne have her face threaded by a vagina doctor? Sigh. LeeAnne says no, but admits she will be having her boobs redone by him. Cary calls LeeAnne a “lay person” for not understanding that he’s not board certified in plastic surgery. LeeAnne and Cary get into it over who is the condescending bitch. It’s a tie! But D’Andra rings the bell when LeeAnne calls Cary a C-U-Next-Tuesday. Now Cary wants to leave. And so do I.
Another question, this one is to Stephanie: How could she not kick LeeAnne out of her Halloween party for dressing as two-faced Stephanie? Stephanie explains it was because that’s what LeeAnne wanted so she could play the victim. This way Stephanie gets to play the victim. LeeAnne turns on the tears because she says she listened to Brandi cry over Stephanie – and plus her own mom didn’t want her – which has nothing to do with this. D’Andra is rolling her eyes while Brandi cuddles with LeeAnne on the couch and calls her, baby, in her baby voice. It’s very awkward mostly because Cary won’t move and let them have their moment.
The final question was submitted by Kameron: Where is your favorite vacation place? She did it to break the tension, but Cary thinks this means they should plan a trip to Mexico so she can get away from Mark again. Ay caramba! Someone’s going to wind up in a Mexican jail. Fingers crossed.
Tune in next time when LeeAnne goes off the deep end and threatens Cary with her hands that aren’t knives.