It’s the season finale of Little Women Couples Retreat! We no longer have to pretend these couples are getting the help they so desperately need. Can I get an amen! At the present time David and Todd are planning the vow renewal, but guess what, it’s not good enough. Christy and Jazmin say donuts are tacky. If only Todd and David were marrying each other, this vow planning would go smoothly. But they aren’t so Christy and Jazmin will be taking over. In other words, they’re fired!
Next, we visit with Chris and Andrea, who aren’t at each other’s throats for once. Chris is hopeful that Andrea won’t constantly throw the past in his face because nobody’s perfect, not even a
gang-banger guy like him. They decide that even though they love each other and have kids together, they should wait to get married. You know that saying, first comes babies, then comes love, then comes marriage in a trailer park. Or something like that.
Over at David and Jazmin’s villa, David is upset that Jaz has taken over the vow planning — just like she has with everything in their relationship. He was trying to do something nice and she ruined it. Jaz says she took over because David is a procrastinator. Not true. David was planning to quickly hand the planning over to the concierge ASAP. Jazmin reminds David once again how he screwed up their honeymoon five years ago so therefore he can never be trusted again and must be reminded of this blunder for the rest of his life.
Jazmin, David, Christy and Todd all meet with the resort’s wedding planner to preview the gorgeous location for their vow renewal. Score one for the guys, who come up with the idea to have the guests sit on blankets. Next, the couples see were the reception will be. Another gorgeous setting, but what kind of food should they serve? Puerto Rican food is suggested — and Jazmin is a happy camper! I mean, I don’t see why the women had to make such a big deal about taking over the planning and
emasculating helping their men.
Back with Andrea and Chris, Andrea drops the bomb that she wants to move back to Atlanta to be near her sister. Chris says, dang, girl, just because you’re twins don’t mean you have to be together all the time. Umm, apparently it does. Chris doesn’t want to quit yet another job and hear it from his fellow
gang family members that his woman is paying his way. Chris gets teary and tells Andrea that this is stupid — and he’s done with this stupid stuff — because he’s not stupid.
The group meets with Hasani in front of the labyrinth. This is a grassy knoll with different level lawnmower cuts in swirly directions. Hasani says today is bittersweet. Why? It’s their last activity. Aww. That must be the sweet part. The task is to walk and place rocks along the path when they have an epiphany about forgiveness. Okay, what idiot came up with this activity?
David asks Jazmin for forgiveness for his procrastinating. Jazmin asks for forgiveness for piling on the pressure. Matt tells Briana that he needs to forgive himself for his past indiscretions. Of course he makes it all about himself. Briana says she is going to start trusting Matt going forward. Sigh. Jordan asks Amanda for forgiveness for his lack of patience. And Amanda forgives herself for putting herself down. Andrea says she needs to forgive herself for bringing up the past with Chris. Chris says he forgives himself for being a selfish jerk. Oh, just like that? Kerwin asks for forgiveness for the ups and downs they’ve had. And the Tonya asks for forgiveness for not being more understanding about that damn television set. Todd asks Christy for forgiveness for how he started to hate her. Christy forgives herself for being rough on Todd when he became a beached whale.
Hasani tells the group this was an amazing experience and he has seen improvement, better communication and more understanding among the couples. They are now on a new journey fraught with problems. Todd then tells Hasani about the vow renewal and asks him to officiate the ceremony. Hasani says he’s honored to take part in this scripted renewal wonderful surprise.
It’s time for the ceremony! Briana is the flower girl because she’s the littlest. Christy and Jazmin walk up together in their white cotton dresses and stand across from their husbands. Todd and Christy say their vows first. Todd vows to make “them,” the best “we,” possible. Christy says if they fall down, they will lift each other up. Next, David says the next 80 years will be better (than the last?) and Jaz says she loves him with everything she has. They all say, I do, and Hasani pronounces the couples man and wife.
It’s party time! The couples arrive in a decorated golf cart that Todd nearly dumps. Tonya thanks Hasani for putting up with their troubled
asses lives. Now eat, drink and be merry, you heifers! Briana tells Matt she’s proud of their progress and feels they are a new and improved sociopathic couple. Tonya tells Kerwin she doesn’t want to waste their time, but Kerwin is like, nah, it’s okay, I’ve got nothing else going on.
Chris tells Hasani at the bar that at first he thought he was alone, but realizes other people are
effed up have issues too. He tells Hasani about the possible move to Atlanta and Hasani tells Chris to go for it. Chris sits down with Andrea and tells her to keep her trap shut so he can talk. He asks if she’s sure about leaving Texas and Andrea reassures him that she’s very confident. Chris says he’s cool with leaving his homies behind in the Big D. Andrea tells her twerking sidekick that they can be the Tiny Twins again and everyone cheers!
Here are the updates on the couples:
- Briana & Matt are headed back to LA with a new outlook on their rocky relationship. They plan to continue seeing a relationship expert at home. And nobody believes that unless there’s a paycheck involved.
- Amber & Jordan are as committed as ever to their future together. They both see an engagement happening soon. And they win the trophy for Most Likely to Succeed.
- Andrea & Chris intend to find their own space in Atlanta. Away from Amanda and Jordan. And far away from the women Chris has dated.
- Christy & Todd’s relationship has never been stronger. Todd has promised to stay healthy so they can enjoy more of what life has to offer. And not eat their way through life.
- Jazmin & David are working really hard at having their first child. And then David will get bossed around by the baby as well.
- Tonya & Kerwin are still engaged, but they aren’t rushing to set a wedding date. Though they still fight about keeping the TV on at night. And no one has thought of getting headphones.