Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Dallas, y’all. Pack your cowboy boots because we’re going to Memphis! Brandi is visiting her family and bringing her kids, a nanny, her mom, and Stephanie and Cary. LeeAnne should consider herself lucky she’s not invited.
Up next, we visit D’Andra at home with Jeremy, her photo journalist husband, who has news for her. His son 20-year-old son, Keatin, who moved in with them two months ago, feels he doesn’t fit in and wants to go home. D’Andra calls Jeremy’s son an entitled zombie. They plan to have a come-to-Jesus meeting tonight with Keatin and Jeremy gently asks D’Andra to be level-headed during the talk so it doesn’t back Keatin into a wall. Spoiler alert: level-headedness goes out the window.
We are in Memphis and the girls are staying at the famous Peabody Hotel with the ducks that are treated better than the guests. Brandi tells us she did not grow up fancy. She lived in a trailer park and swam in the mighty Mississippi. Cary tells the girls she’s so happy to be there and have three days off from her wifely duties with Mark. Unfortunately, Cary says, she did have to pull double duty to escape go on this trip. Doing her husband sounds as much fun as doing laundry.
Brandi explains to the Stephanie and Cary that her grandfather recently had several strokes and they will just pop in and have a birthday thing with him. We learn that since Brandi reconnected with her G-Pa, this has caused a disconnect with her G-Ma. The two have been divorced forever. Brandi is hopeful she will get to see her G-Ma during this trip. Sorry, Brandi, that won’t be happening.
Onto Kameron who is practicing her pink dog food pitch on her two kids. Get this, her precious daughter even thinks it’s a ridiculous idea because who wants pink poop? Kameron does! She brings the infomercial to her husband Court’s office. She is playing the “dumb blonde” card so Court will think he has the power when in fact she has the power. Kameron is asking for $100K for 50% of the company. Court says he’ll give her $10K to actually do some research and get hard numbers on how much this disaster will cost him.
Back in Memphis, the group is visiting with Brandi’s family and they brought the Jesus juice! G-Pa looks great for a guy who had several strokes. There are lots of babies at this family get-together which causes Stephanie and Brandi to make a pact to get pregnant at the exact same time. Who knew they were into that? I am like shocked, y’all. Cary thinks Stephanie and Brandi are co-dependent, and she should know.
Brandi is taking everyone on an adventure that involves poles and cats. Pussycat classes, you say? Nope. The girls are going fishing. Waders are provided and they aren’t the kind that bring you drinks. The women reluctantly put them on, but Stephanie draws the line at hooking the worm. Eww. Plus, she thinks she will go to hell for killing them. It takes time, but soon the ladies are all catching fish and having fun.
Back in the Dallas, LeeAnne tells Rich she is having a girl’s night out with D’Andra and Kameron. LeeAnne is hurt that not only was she not invited to Memphis, but Brandi didn’t even call to ask permission let her know she was leaving town.
The next part is a tale of two cities. One set of trios are hitting Beale Street in a horse drawn carriage, the other set are hitting a fancy restaurant in the Big D. LeeAnne is fascinated by everything Kameron. She wants to ride her like a wild boar.
In Memphis, Brandi explains she didn’t ask LeeAnne to come along because her girls are afraid of her. Cary tells Brandi that eventually she and D’Andra will find something in common. Brandi is like, Yawn, who cares. Cary says if she finds out LeeAnne is talking behind her back she will lose her mind. Mind blown!
In Dallas, Kameron spills the beans to LeeAnne that she is not allowed in Brandi’s house. This is news to LeeAnne. D’Andra is so funny. She can’t figure Brandi out. What’s up with her eyes? Is the girl awake? Kameron asks who of the three girls in Memphis will come back as the weakest link. It’s unanimous: Cary.
Yay! It’s therapy time with LeeAnne. Today’s session is not about the ladies, it’s about her boyfriend Rich who still has not proposed after eight years. LeeAnne’s hanging on to hope, but asks if she can bring this up without pushing Rich away. Her therapist says it’s essential LeeAnne have this verbal conversation with him and not write it in a letter and be the weakest link.
Brandi and her mom take a drive to G-Ma’s house. The plan is Brandi will knock on the door while her mom waits in the car. Back in the hotel room Stephanie tells Cary that things are better than ever between her and Brandi. Cary tells Stephanie to stop kissing Brandi’s ass. Back at G-Ma’s, Brandi rings the doorbell, holding a bouquet of flowers, but G-Ma won’t answer the door. Brandi cries to her mom in the car and then to Stephanie on the phone.
Jeremy and D’Andra are ready for THE conversation with Keatin. D’Andra is worried she won’t be able to control her emotions. Keatin explains he doesn’t feel comfortable with them even though they have done nothing wrong. D’Andra tells Keatin he hasn’t even tried, and then tells him not to roll his eyes or she will pluck them out of his head. Listen, Step-Mommy Dearest, rolling their eyes is what millennials do best. D’Andra starts yelling that Keatin is being selfish and has no commitment to anything. Keatin calmly says he’s moving out tonight. And who could blame him. D’Andra says the worst thing possible – if Keatin graduates in ten years she’ll be shocked. As Keatin drives away, D’Andra wants a do-over. (Insert buzzing sound.) But won’t be getting one with Keatin. Maybe with Jeremy if she’s lucky.
Back at the hotel room the girls are waiting with hugs, wine and gold facemasks to make things all better for Brandi. She gushes how blessed she is to have their love, and why do the masks feel like a used condom on her face?
Tune in next time for the Texas State Fair and to see if Rich pops the question to LeeAnne.
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