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RECAP: ‘Little Women: Couples Retreat’ Tonya and Kerwin’s Relationship Heading To Splitsville!

I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.

Welcome back to Puerto Rico and the Little Women Couples Retreat. Hopefully Hurricane Irma leaves this beautiful island intact. We begin with another frosty breakfast. This time Kerwin and Tonya aren’t talking because they’ve had a fight the night before. It’s another free day and the couples are discussing how to spend the time. Some will go to the water park, others will go parasailing, and some will do nothing.

Hasani stops by to explain how to negotiate within a relationship. There are three steps: identify the issue, step outside of your shoes, and consider their perspective. Then give in or else. Case in point, Jazmin wants to go parasailing and David does not. Hasani advises David to use the 5 second rule. Is that when you drop a cookie on the ground and you’ve got 5 seconds to pick it up? No, it’s not. Apparently you count to five to calm your nerves. Tonya asks Hasani if he can spare a minute and tells him about the fight she and Kerwin had. Get this, it was over turning off the TV – again. Here’s the solution people: headphones. Hasani says it’s not about the TV, but doesn’t say what it’s about, though we all know it’s about power. Hasani says they will meet later to discuss it.

Chris and Jordan go to the water park so sisters Andrea and Amanda can talk. Andrea says that after she and Chris got into it real bad yesterday, things are better, and she’s trying to let the past stat in the past. Enough talk about inner-growth, it’s time to go to the waterpark and join the men. Good news, nobody drowns.

The other couples are going parasailing 350 feet in the air. Spoiler alert: it’s only an eager Jazmin, a reluctant David, and a show off Christy who actually do it. Todd backs out. Matt is now besties with Todd because he helped him walk across the sand and he doesn’t want Todd to do this. Poor Todd is like a beached whale on the blow up boat, lying flat on his belly.

When it’s time for Todd to move to the real boat, disaster nearly strikes as Todd gets trapped between the two boats. Todd tells Christy to go ahead without him because he wants to go back to land. When Todd gets stuck again because the water’s too deep, Matt rips off his shirt like he’s on Baywatch or something and runs in slo-mo style to help Todd – and a new bromance if formed.

Jazmin counts to five and this annoys David, but before you know it they’re off and ride is over and David lives to tell the tale. It’s Christy’s turn, so Jazmin gets to go again and this time actually enjoys herself instead of babysitting her husband.

On the beach, Kerwin and Tonya get into another argument as they recall last night’s argument. Kerwin says Tonya called him a damn name but we don’t know what that damn name is because it gets bleeped. Kerwin tells Tonya if she wants respect she damn well better give it. And if Kerwin wants some dinner, he damn well better cook it.

Later that day, David meets with Todd to plan something special for their wives to celebrate each of their anniversaries. David suggests they renew their vows in a double ceremony and this way they can have hotel concierge handle everything. It’s a go.

It’s time for therapy with Kerwin and Tonya. Hasani stops by and asks the couple to explain again about the stupid fight over the television, and after they do, Hasani says it’s a battle of wills. Turns out, the word Tonya called Kerwin is asshole. Mmm-hmm. Heifer done called him a derogative name. Hasani asks why they have been doing this back and forth for 30 years. Tonya explains she’s used to doing things her way. Kerwin says he’s not her partner, he’s like a plant she moves from corner to corner, but he’s starting to collect dust. Hasani flat out asks Tonya if she has room in her life for a relationship. Tonya says yes, perhaps, but she’s not sure things with Kerwin will get better, so maybe no. Hasani says this will take more than love to fix and maybe they need to go their separate ways. Preach!

It’s proposal time with Todd and David. Jazmin and Christy are blind-folded and led to the staging area with candles and flowers by the hotel concierge. The girls remove their blindfolds and are shocked by the “cuteness” of it all. The men hand over flowers and take turns proposing to their wives. Each says yes, but Todd’s speech is a little more touching.

Todd sends a group text to let the others know something big has just happened. Jazmin says she’s okay with letting the men continue to plan everything. One of the twins asks if there will be a bachelor and bachelorette party. Is it me or is it a terrible idea to have a bachelor/ette party during a couples retreat? Todd asks Kerwin if he’d like to one-up them and have a wedding and Kerwin says no freaking way.

Christy asks Briana to be her maid of honor — again. Briana can’t believe her little ears. Yes, a thousand times yes! Tonya tells the ladies to let the men think they are in charge of the wedding, but to whisper what they really want while they’re asleep. Even though we all know Tonya would take total control and put Kerwin in the corner.

The men go out to a bar in old San Juan for their bachelor party. Briana told Matt to have fun, but not to be a dumb ass. That’s asking a lot, Briana. Bring on the shots! Matt is getting drunk and keeps interrupting a story David is trying to tell about screwing up their honeymoon to the Bahamas because he didn’t have a passport, and how Jazmin always brings this up. Matt takes this as a sign to take another shot. The good news is, David is now on board for having a baby.

The ladies are celebrating with champagne, fuzzy cuffs, and sexually suggestive games. Jazmin announces she wants David to use his “gun” on her and give her a baby. Boring! Where are the male strippers?

Tune in next time for the wedding planning that goes awry.

 

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