We join The Real Housewives of Dallas as Stephanie comes to terms with the new mansion Travis bought without her permission. Stephanie hates the pond in the living room, and who can blame her, but even more she hates being across the street from Heidi Dillon. She’s the woman who infamously humiliated Cary last season by asking her to deep-throat a corndog. That’s class, y’all! Stephanie’s designer stops by with a huge blow-up swan and Travis thinks this is a sign from God they should keep the pond. He demonstrates by acting like a beached whale floating on a black swan. The couple argue in front of their designer over changes they want to make, and it’s clear, this remodel is a blueprint for divorce.
Up next, Brandi and Brian are visiting the OB/Gyn to discuss their baby boy fever. Brandi explains to the doc she’s had a mommy makeover and during the surgery they sewed her tummy tuck and forehead too tight. She has been warned that a baby may not be able to grow to term. Most people have a tummy tuck after they are done having children, but the doc explains this happens more than you think. Wiping away a tear, Brandi explains she also suffered a miscarriage. The plan is to check Brandi’s fertility potential.
LeeAnne and D’Andra meet for lunch and so D’Andra can tell LeeAnne her Halloween costume was inappropriate. She explains LeeAnne cannot do shit like this and be a motivational speaker. Or can she? Maybe LeeAnne could do a Ted Talk on revenge. LeeAnne says her problem with Stephanie is she’s an obvious social climber. She thinks Stephanie’s sights are now set on Kameron because the Westcott’s are the top rung of the social ladder. D’Andra explains that Little LeeAnne is not bettering herself with this kind of stuff and needs to cut it out. Wow. D’Andre is better than LeeAnne’s therapist.
Brandi calls her Grandpa while her kids get out of control. Yes, Brandi, have more children. She’s planning a trip to Memphis for some of the cast members.
Onto the charity work! LeeAnne is the keynote speaker again for the annual PositiviTea fund raiser for women living with HIV. Heidi introduces LeeAnne as the heart of the south (cough, bullshit) and D’Andra, Brandi, and Kameron are in the audience. In her speech, LeeAnne encourages everyone to eradicate the fear of living with HIV. Afterwards, Heidi informs the group that Stephanie will be her new neighbor. Brandi is like, WTF? LeeAnne informs everyone the house is a sinking money pit and living in Dallas will not make her part of Dallas society. Brandi wants to get away from these women – to go call Stephanie.
D’Andra is having a meeting with her boss mom and we are along for the ride. D’Andra wants to move the offices to a new location and get her mom a new television set that works. Sounds reasonable. She also wants to change the eye cream dispenser because it’s old school. Dee, who is 76, (OMG!) doesn’t want to change a thing. D’Andra advises her mom there’s a problem with a hair-flipping eye-rolling employee who didn’t jump when D’Andra said to – because they know who signs their checks.
Cary and Kameron meet for dinner. They are dining outdoors and oh no what if the Birkin gets wet? Simple. You put its raincoat on. Elsewhere Brandi and Stephanie are meeting for dinner. They begin with Tequila shots on their “first date” and I’m not convinced these women actually enjoy Tequila. Brandi brings up Stephanie’s new house and how she didn’t know about it and how LeeAnne did and thinks this is all about being in the right zip code.
Back with Kameron and Cary they are discussing mommy guilt and kids birthday parties. Kameron confesses that she has not seen any social grace from Brandi and suggests she’s a simpleton. Uh-oh. Them are fighting words, y’all. Back with Brandi and Stephanie, Brandi does the best impression of Kameron ever. If RHOD flops, Brandi needs to get a morning radio show, bless her heart.
We are back with D’Andra as Jeremy brings her coffee and gives her a pep talk about meeting with her mom once again. Jeremy says to be direct. When D’Andra tries to say she’s ready to be trusted with her legacy, Dee says not so fast, she doesn’t think D’Andra can manage money. Dee gets choked up explaining she wants her daughter to be successful, but she’s worried D’Andra will lose the company because she’s been over-protective. So nothing is going to change just yet.
Over at Stephanie’s mausoleum, Brandi stops by to see it. Stephanie gives her a tour and explains the plans for the remodel. Brandi shares that LeeAnne is not allowed in her home because she curses in front of the children. LeeAnne has to wait outside. This will eventually bite Brandi in the ass. Stephanie cannot believe her ears, but calmly says this is her new plan. It’s like old times with these two, especially when they prank call Heidi. The voice Brandi uses is downright scary and funny as hell. Heidi doesn’t bite though.
It’s birthday party time for Zuri, Cary’s daughter, who is four. A pony shows up and Mark doesn’t seem too thrilled, and after a short ride, Zuri wants her parents to buy the fluffy, big white dog. Kameron, Brandi and Stephanie show up with their kids, and as far as high society Dallas and Real Housewives kids’ parties go, this one is very scaled back. Stephanie drops the bomb to Cary and Kameron that LeeAnne’s not allowed in Brandi’s home. Cary will probably call LeeAnne five seconds after her daughter’s party ends.
Brandi has pink gift bags for Cary and Stephanie, but nothing for Kameron, who is standing right there, all awkward like, but she’s super cute in her pink gingham, so that’s all that matters, y’all. It’s a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Fire and Brandi tells Cary and Stephanie they are invited to Memphis for the best girls’ trip ever! Kameron informs Brandi about her bad etiquette, and Cary and Stephanie apologize, but Brandi doesn’t. Brandi feels Kameron needs an etiquette lesson for saying this in front of the children. I think they’re both rude, but what do y’all think?
Tune in next time for the Misfits in Memphis – and those who aren’t.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.