Welcome back to the Shahs of Sunset! I’d like to begin first by saying Go Away #HurricaneHarvey! I had to record the Shahs three times to get the entire episode so if I’ve missed something, my apologies, but know that I’ve never been so happy to write a recap in my life. I am safe and dry here in H-Town for now but watching the non-stop devastation when my Dish is working leaves me feeling helpless. Probably like many of you. So I’m grateful to lose myself for an hour thanks to the Shahs ridiculous lives and bring some much needed humor to ours. So let’s get started!
Yay! The group has returned safely from Israel without anyone being arrested. We call that a success round here. Asa is visiting her parents to eat their spicy food and throw shade at her friends for
not waiting on her hand and foot in Israel. Her mother casts an evil spell on MJ, blesses Asa and her baby bump from future evils.
Mike, Shervin, and Reza are hitting the town. Mike is ready to let go of the guilt of his failed marriage and start dating the bitches again. But Shervin does a way better job of hitting on the ladies — the guy who has a beautiful girlfriend in Australia. Mike, however, needs helps with his game. He tells a girl to get her ass out of his face. Mike realizes he’s not going to meet the mother of his future children in a bar and leaves.
Next up, Reza is shopping for knobs with MJ. The kind that go on kitchen cabinets, though. The knobs are for MJ and she can’t decide which one. There’s so many to choose from. How does she pick just one? Reza is like, Pick a freaking knob, chick! But MJ is stuck in knob purgatory. Finally she picks a towel rack for a knob and Reza gets the heck out of there.
Later, Reza hits a non-alcoholic hookah bar. What is he thinking? Reza gets a phone call from MJ asking if he’s sitting down. No MJ is not pregnant. She’s calling to spill some very hot tea. Turns out, Swervin Shervin has been playing hide the sausage with Betty Boop Tara for the past five months. Her husband found out and kicked her ass out. Oopsie Boopsie! Boy does Reza need that drink now. Mike, Shervin, and Tommy, MJ’s boyfriend, arrive and Reza can hardly contain himself. Reza asks Shervin if his girlfriend is the one, and he says yes, Annalise, is the one. Reza thinks Shervin is a liar because he knows he’s boinking another girl.
GG is shopping for Asa’s baby gift. She has baby fever, baby-idous, and baby-oh-baby, Shalom had better watch it. Shervin stops by to ask GG to pick out something for the baby and say it’s from him. GG is turning 35 and throwing herself an 80’s themed birthday party. Shervin is undecided on what to wear and GG recommends John Travolta in Grease which is the 50’s. Just then GG gets a phone call from her doctor’s office notifying her she can start trying to get pregnant in two months. GG tells Shervin that MJ is going around saying he’s cheating and swinging his dingling at her married friend, Tara’s vagina. Shervin says, Dude, no way, I swear. And GG believes him…for now, but threatens to kick her designer shoe up his ass if she finds out he’s lying. Get that shoe ready.
Onto Reza and Adam who are shopping for a cat to adopt because Reza is more obsessed with pussy cats than he is babies. It’s time for the talk. Adam scolds Reza because he hasn’t gotten his sperm tested for the surrogacy. Reza apologizes and says he will. Adam calls this compromise but Reza calls this one less designer watch.
Mike’s shoe shop is bankrupt, so he decides to make baby shoes instead of kids shoes because it requires less fabric? His partner says if he wants to play with the big boys, fork up half a million bucks to get this thing going. Mike is channeling his grandpa who left Iran at 15, made millions, came to American and bought homes for all his children. Mike is in. Or his Grandpa is in. I’m not sure.
Shervin is doing damage control with MJ, so they meet for a cocktail. Long story short, he tells MJ he’s disappointed she didn’t come to him about this lie that Tara is spreading. Shervin claims that Tara needs a 5150 lockup because she’s a crazy liar. He says Tara has hit on him in the past and he did the gentlemanly thing and informed her husband, but MJ doesn’t believe a word this POS says, and goes along with it for now.
It’s hook up time. MJ is meeting Tommy at a fancy hotel to procreate. Tommy says, “He can’t wait to stick it in places.” Isn’t he romantic? They begin to kiss and grope each other and it’s like a wreck on the side of the road. I try not to look, but can’t help it and regret it the second I do.
It’s time to party like it’s 1985! People arrive at the roller rink and it’s obvious they think the 80’s were all about leggings. Destiney wants to set up Mike with a girl she knows. She’s supposedly a smart, beautiful, Persian, but we don’t know if she has a job. Mike’s open to the set up. GG announces that although she doesn’t look 35, her ovaries are screaming like they’re 45, so Shalom tells GG to relax. Poor guy, he has no clue what he’s in for.
MJ arrives and is not wearing a cat suit. Yay! She’s wearing Daisy Dukes with legwarmers. Oh my eyes! She and Asa barely contain their disgust when they see each other. Tara arrives in her legwarmers, but trouble is about to begin. In her testimonial, GG tells us Shervin admitted to her that he slept with Tara. So let’s ask him. He arrives in all his blond, Rod Stewart glory and does his best to ignore Tara. GG tells Tara she has her back, but does she?
Reza roller skates over to Tara and asks if it’s true about her and Shervin. Tara says they did the deed and she was stupid enough to tell her friends and husband, but Shervin is still denying. Tara thinks Annalise deserves the truth, but she can’t handle the truth. Tara and Shervin get into an argument. Asa couldn’t care less, she wants to the recipe to the nachos. I’m with her.
But Shervin sinks even lower. He tells Reza that since he’s too sexy for his shirt, so sexy it hurts, he can have any woman, so why would he schtupp Tara. Ouch. Reza presses GG for the truth. She confesses to Reza that Shervin confessed to her he cheated. Reza confronts Shervin about it. Shervin goes to find GG to tell her she has misremembered their conversation. Then Shervin tells the group if it makes them feel better to believe it, then fine, he slept with her. Yeah, Shervin, it makes people feel better to know you’re a dirty dog. Shervin says they only “met up” because he needed advice. Over cocktails. Just the two of them. But don’t worry, Tara’s not his type. Kill him! Everyone encourages Shervin to stand in his truth, but he can’t because he’s standing in a pile of shit.
Tune in next week as Shervin continues his damage control and nobody believes him.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.