Happy eclipse day! What a perfect way to end the day of distraction by watching The Real Housewives of Orange County. We begin with Vicki and her family having breakfast. Briana is struggling being a single mom while her husband completes his military obligation in Oklahoma. Her two boys are out of control, but Vicki is grandmother of the year and wants more grandkids — even though she recently told Ryan to put a bag on it. Now Vicky’s ready to plan the wedding for Ryan and his datemate.
Over at Meghan’s house, she is going through her gifts from the Sip and See. She calls Jimmy to tell him about the party, all the gifts Aspen received, and show him the dog, but he’s too busy eating. If only Jimmy looked at Meghan the way he looked at his fast food.
Next, it’s Lydia’s birthday and her husband surprises her with a new car. A huge Infiniti with a price tag of $90K because Bravo posted the amount. But wait! There’s another gift! It’s a second car! An Aston Martin worth $180K! The magazine business must really be good or somebody’s jealous of Peggy and Diko. Lydia admits she has always been spoiled on her birthday and is glad Doug has continued the tradition to spend lots of money on her, college funds be damned.
Onto Peggy and her family, who treat her like the hot flashing maid. She tells her two daughters about the other ladies and how they should avoid all meaningful conversion so they don’t keep opening up worms. WORMS? Sheesh, Peggy. It’s wounds, like salt-in. Peggy calls their problems petty because nobody’s been through what she’s been through.
Lydia’s birthday bash isn’t over. Doug has planned a helicopter ride to Catalina Island. While dining, Lydia tells Doug all the ladies will be at the magazine launch party, and fingers crossed, no wine or plates will be thrown. For dessert, Lydia informs Doug she has made an appointment for his vasectomy. Hmm. Just wondering, but do you think the two cars represented his two balls? The upside is Lydia is already planning the balls voyage party where the menu will be chicken on stick, shrunken meatballs, and pigs-in-a-blanket.
Tamra and Eddie are out to dinner
pretending acting like they are happy discussing Spain. The conversation shifts and Tamra says she knew her first two marriages wouldn’t last, and yet she still went through with them anyway. Tamra is upset that her mom didn’t see her speech at the gala. But finally, Tamra puts two and two together about her absence from her father’s life after he left her mom, just like Sidney is doing to her for leaving Simon. Meet karma — she’s a bitch!
Next, we are out to dinner with Kelly and her husband Michael. These two seem more like brother and sister. Michael is turning sixty soon and Kelly is ready to dump him at the senior center with her mom. Michael says Kelly is a social butterfly and he is a homebody — but he loves her. Kelly isn’t feeling the love. In her talking head confessional, Kelly says she has the same issues as Shannon. Really? Michael cheated on you, ignores you, puts down your cooking and allegedly gets rough with you? Or is it that marriage is hard work?
Over at Shannon’s house, she is cooking a healthy dinner while David eats chips, and this drives her crazy. Why, Shannon? Maybe he’ll choke on one. Shannon announces to her ungrateful family that the meal is only 383 calories, not including the random hair. So get this, Shannon is opening a restaurant that’s healthy, organic, and affordable. Apparently this has always been a dream that we’ve never heard of. David is like a wet, disposable blanket and tells Shannon the restaurant business is brutal. And he’s right, but throw the girl a steak bone, would you? Not to mention, Shannon will be around less. Some men are so hard to please.
Tamra is alone in her kitchen and calls her mom to tell her about the gala. When her mother calls her back, Tamra shares her amazing night she wasn’t part of. Sandy starts crying. She wanted to support her daughter but it was too hard. She’s been praying that Sidney will come back, but keeps getting disappointed. Tamra says divorce destroys families because she’s learned this twice now. Sandy promises she’ll go next time, if there is a next time.
It’s launch party time for Nobleman! The ladies arrive and participate in mindless chatter. Shocker of the night is, Jimmy is there with Meghan. Vicki arrives and does her best to ignore Shannon and Tamra. And Peggy thinks the magazine photo of herself and Diko is classy and chic, just like they are.
Doug gives a speech and says “being a gentlemen never goes out of style” except when your balls are chopped off. Lydia tells Vicki she wants to help her and Tamra get back to being friends. Vicki tries to tell Lydia it won’t work, but since this is the reason they brought Lydia back, it’s her contractual obligation to makes this to happen. Vicki says, Whatever, set it up, and makes her exit for the night.
Tamra tells Diko and Peggy she’s not enjoying herself. Up strolls Lydia to tell Tamra her exciting plan to get Vicki and her back together on a giant, sparkly rainbow. Tamra says Vicki is dead to her. Real mature, Tamra! But she reluctantly agrees to go. Shannon walks up and wants to know why no one wants to meet with her. This is obviously a rhetorical question. Tamra fills Peggy in on the drama de jour. Peggy is dying to pinch Tamra’s lips shut, but instead tells Tamra to stop dwelling on her ancient feud with Vicki. Tamra is like, “Are you kidding me? Do you want to be friends?” Say no, Peggy! Say, no!
Tamra thinks by repeating herself while raising her voice, Peggy will understand, but Peggy only tells Tamra to be happy. Perhaps Peggy should have offered a thoughtful bible verse. Tamra says wait until Vicki betrays her. Just then Diko walks up and hands over the drinks because he wants out of there.
Tamra hugs Shannon and thanks her for being the best friend ever, never, ever. In the car ride home, Tamra reiterates that Peggy is Team Vicki, due to her cancer scare and double mastectomy. Shannon says, “Of course Vicki would glom onto her.”
Tune is next week when Shannon gloms onto Kelly.