It’s that time of year again — when the ladies of The Real Housewives of New York thrash out the season’s drama on the Bravo sofas. Luann’s romance with marriage is crashing, cast relationships are dicey, Ramona is braced for the worst, and Andy Cohen is salivating. A random garden theme sets the mood, and the ladies are gussied up, and ready to throw down.
Ramona Singer stands in the spotlight first, and reveals right off the bat that she’s dating a special someone. We later learn that she’s in “heavy like” with the new guy, and has not ruled out marriage. Ramona’s season is rewound, much to her own horror. She admits that she had an “off year” and doesn’t know why — but will always own looking fantastic. A viewer blasts Ramona for disrespecting Dorinda’s Berkshires drywall, and Ramona admits that “vandalism” is never ok — if that’s what makes Dorinda happy. The wall lights were ripped down in a drunken moment of madness, and Ramona never even noticed the shards of paint falling into her cleavage.
Dorinda just wishes that her friend would muster some believable remorse, and Ramona confesses that she has a hard time admitting fault. Bethenny slams Ramona for being rude to a wide array of underlings, hilariously noting a lack of “human decency.” Ramona shares that she resides in an abused child zone — one which does not require manners. Bethenny bleats out more complaints, but Ramona shrugs, because Bethenny is no prize herself. Jill Zarin’s name is brought into the dialogue, and Bethenny squawks like a parrot, assuring Andy that she will never, ever-ever-EVER allow that has-been back into her airspace. Ramona admits that being a divorcee blows, and that she’s disappointed by her marriage failure. Ramona is in a “better place” now — but no one is holding their breath.
Dorinda and Sonja’s beef is addressed, and Bravo flashes back Dorinda’s mouthy rants. Dorinda is delighted that “clip clip” has been embraced by the public — noting that her talent for snappy zingers is the real deal. Dorinda declares that she did not appreciate Sonja’s press passion, and plotted to clip her down a peg, before the season began. Sonja denies the blabbermouth accusation, but Dorinda has street moles who say otherwise. The cast scolds Sonja for her off-camera boozing, and shames her for swiping jammies from Dorinda’s closet. Sonja gets pummeled, stuttering out an apology for disrespecting Dorinda’s sacred sleepwear. Dorinda reminds the cast to keep their mitts off her stuff, before the segment fades.
The Beginning of the End
The storyline that spanned two seasons is revisited, and Luann begins by re-reminding us — just in case anyone forgot — that she’s married, and loves her new husband. Andy asks if it was tough to ditch the countess title, and Luann twitches a little — but says that the D’Agostino moniker is alright for now. Bravo rewinds the doomed love story, and all the drama that polluted Lu and Tom’s journey to the altar. Tom is a rogue kisser, but Luann has faith that true love reigned in his desire to maul anyone in a skirt. Luann admits that her wedding was a bit splashy, but because no woman had rammed a collar onto Tom’s finger, they felt they deserved it. We learn that Sonja was initially pre-invited to the affair, but because she snarked to the press, she got the axe. Andy shades Ramona for expecting to eat wedding cake, while digging up dirt on the groom. Ramona shrugs, and begins to tell of Tom’s womanizing ways, while Bethenny accuses Luann of being a fame-thirsty bride.
Ramona heard that Tom was characterizing his marriage as “open,” and Andy baits the others to spill all Tom-tea, stat. Bethenny concludes that Tom is a dirtbag loser, but that it’s none of anyone’s beeswax. Scratch that — because she quickly switches gears and launches into a rattling assessment of Tom’s sneaky side. Luann assures them that she “wants to know” — admitting that she is mildly alarmed by all of the chatter.
Luann says that she would bolt if the rumors were proven true — a claim that she has since backed up with action. Missy wins the Bravo whore of the season award — and Tom is dubbed an insecure schmuck. Bethenny challenges Luann to be less “inhuman,” and Luann caves, admitting that she fled to a hotel, the night before. Luann tries to be tolerant of Tom’s clunky comments, but admits that she isn’t as tough as she looks. She reveals that the drama has been hard on her son, and hints that his relationship with Tom is strained. Luann knows that Tom will always be a Regency barfly, and points to Ramona for relentlessly throwing messy Missy into his oversexed path.
Until Part 2!