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RECAP: ‘Little Women: Couples Retreat’ Chris Calls Out Matt and Tension Boils Over!

I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.

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We return to Little Women Couples Retreat smack dab in the middle of the smack down between Matt and Chris at the bonfire. All of American is rooting for Chris! Delusional Briana is unwilling to accept accountability for her husband’s drunk-ass ramblings and thinks she and Matt were just minding their own business. Kerwin is trying to stop things, but Chris has taken his shirt off so it’s on. But then it’s off. Kerwin is able to deescalate the situation so Chris puts his shirt back on. Tonya tells everyone this isn’t what they are supposed to be working on.

The following morning Tonya reaches out to Hasani to get his help because this heifer is out of her league. She explains about Matt’s drunk and disorderly behavior and the near beat down at the bonfire. Hasani says he will address this collectively about Matt being a drunk jerk, but wants to also work with Tonya and Kerwin. Tonya explains there is a power struggle between them due to the fact that Tonya’s the only bringing home the bacon and Kerwin expects her to fry it up in a pan. After that, heifer’s got no time for romance.

Over in Amanda and Jordan’s room, they think last night was bat shit crazy and don’t want to see Matt and Briana again. Andrea and Chris pop in and everyone says how they wish Chris was able to pop off on Matt. They all agree Matt needs the most help out of everyone on the island in the group, second to only Briana who needs an intervention. The good news is, because of Matt and Briana, all the other couples agree they aren’t doing so badly. The plan is to ignore Matt for the rest of the trip. Good plan!

Briana and Matt take an afternoon stroll by the water discussing how everyone is in their business and think they are the entertainment for others. Umm, you are. The only reason Lifetime is keeping the ride-or-die Bonnie and Chlamydia around is for entertainment and ratings. Matt thinks Jordan started it all because he didn’t like the piss-poor treatment he was giving Briana. How dare he. This is his girlfriend and if he wants to treat her like shit, he will. And he does.

Next up, Kerwin and Tonya take a walk to discuss their issues. Kerwin asks Tonya if she thinks they have fun together. Tonya is like, Umm, well, maybe, I don’t know, sure, why not. Tonya agrees she needs help with her attitude and her “retaliation of his energy.” WTF? Turns out, that’s a fancy way to say she gets defensive. Tonya also thinks she should get to decide when the bedroom TV should be turned off since only one of them has to get up and go to work the next morning and her name is Tonya. Maybe these two shouldn’t have a TV in the bedroom. Problem solved. That’ll be $100.

It’s time for today’s activity. The group will be repelling down a mountainous terrain. More like a small hill, but it’s called, facing your fears. Hasani says it’s best to push past our comfort zones. But first, before they hop on the ATV’s, Hasani wants to discuss the bonfire incident. He’s disappointed by the festering of the couple’s issues. He doesn’t want this kind of drama during the couples retreat and fighters will be asked to leave. Hasani asks if anyone would like to address the group before jumping to their deaths. Everyone looks at Matt, but the coward says nothing. And Hasani says nothing. Okay, I’m not a psychologist, but Matt should have been called out. Poke that bear, why don’t you, right up his ass.

After the ATV ride, the group treks through the jungle. Jordan is such a great guy, he helps Todd manage the terrain, but the second he lets go, Todd nearly falls. Hasani tells everyone to feel the fear. Briana says she’s nervous and excited. And it’s not like she’s participating in a talent show. Talk about scary.

Up first is Jordan and everyone has advice for him, but after the crunching sound effects, he makes it to the bottom safely. One by one the others safely take turns at repelling, until they get to Todd. He’s excited, but there’s something wrong with the cable. It’s twisted. Then we hear a crack, but it was misleading and everything is just fine. Three cheers for Todd! Hasani explains that sometimes we project past fears into future experiences unnecessarily. Now the group knows they can overcome anything. Except Matt. He’s a loser.

It’s therapy time with Kerwin, Tonya and Hasani. He asks the couple what’s different about this time over the past 30 years that has them ready for marriage. Kerwin says it’s Tonya who’s not ready. Tonya says she’s overwhelmed. Plus, Kerwin doesn’t know how to work a vacuum cleaner or clean a toilet, and this makes Tonya fearful of divorce. Kerwin says he’s a lazy man at all times. Hasani explains that gender roles have changed so wake up, it’s 2017, not 1950.

The group heads out to do some night swimming at the pool. They are ready for some fun. Unfortunately Matt and Briana show up. The only one who says hello is Kerwin. Everyone else is thinking, waa-waahh, the killjoy couple has arrived. But the group does the perfect thing – they ignore Matt and Briana. Yay!

But Jazmine is feeling sorry for Briana because in an effort to shut out Matt, they are excluding Briana. Umm, yes, Jaz, that’s the plan because she’s part of the problem. Briana and Jaz step out of the pool and go by themselves to talk. Jazmine tells Briana if she ever needs help, feel free to reach out to her. Briana says everyone has their differences and she’s tired of everyone having an issue with her relationship. Jazmine’s eyes glaze over as she realizes she might as well be talking to a little wall.

Tonya has had enough! She goes over to Briana and Matt and suggests he apologize to Jordan, Chris, Christy and Todd. Matt says hell could freeze over before he’ll apologize to Christy – or any of them. Matt asks Briana if she wants him to apologize. Briana mumbles and Matt interrupts her mumbling to say, Then I won’t apologize, because these people don’t know him or respect him. Which is true. But there’s a clinical name for someone who causes pain and doesn’t feel sorrow for his or her actions. It called being a sociopath.

 

Tune in next time week nothing gets accomplished with Matt and Briana because they are only there for the paycheck.

 

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