Howdy, y’all! Guess who’s back for a second unpaid season? Why it’s The Real Housewives of Dallas. Bless their hearts, they’re giving the drama and dysfunction another go. We have two new housewives to meet and apparently these ladies have real money. Won’t that be fun! Just letting you know, this first episode is for the dogs – literally.
We begin with Cary who is throwing a get-together-with-dog’s party for Stephanie and new housewife Kameron Westcott. Cary is practically sniffing Kameron’s butt she’s so impressed with her wealth. Kameron says she only plays dumb, but she’s really as smart as a poodle. The gossip quickly turns to LeeAnne and a police report from 2008 leaked by ex-friend Marie. LeeAnne reportedly took a knife and sandpaper to an ex-boyfriend. But I’m sure he deserved it, especially the sandpaper. Cary is planning her husband Mark’s birthday party and inviting LeeAnne because she wants to give her the benefit of the doubt – even though last season LeeAnne accused Cary of being an interloper and breaking up Mark’s happy marriage. This has puppy poop written all over it.
Up next, we check in with Brandi who is now friends with LeeAnne. #shocker #1. Brandi says that LeeAnne has been in anger management so it’s all good now. #Shocker number 2, Brandi and Stephanie are no longer bff’s. Lucy and Ethel are no more. Stephanie says she has no idea what she did wrong, but I’m sure she has some clue as to why Brandi is ghosting her. Here’s why: Stephanie called Brandi’s marriage a “slow motion car crash.” Of course, Stephanie’s marriage is long list of thing’s-to-do. So there you have the real reason behind Brandi’s new friendship with LeeAnne.
Over at Kameron’s house we are getting to know her better. She can’t cook but wants to create a dog food line. Tonight’s she’s trying to make something with pumpkins for the family. Careful with that knife – which should be a staple message for the RHOD cast. Kameron grew up in California and apparently was a real buzz kill. She is a blonde bombshell and when she stands next to her husband Court, she is an Amazon. But not to worry, when Court stands on his money he’s almost 5’8”. They live in Highland Park which is the Beverly Hills of Dallas. And Kameron loves pink, just like another housewife from Beverly Hills. Kameron burns dinner but don’t worry, maybe there’s some dog food in the pantry.
We are at a restaurant with LeeAnne and her boyfriend Rich, who are still not married. New housewife, D’Andra Simmons, and her husband Jeremy join them. D’Andra looks like LeeAnne’s younger sister. We learn that Rich has an eye problem and about to retire from the police force, and though LeeAnne mentions marriage again, seems Rich may be deaf as well as blind. He wants to be a “good companion” to LeeAnne. Just what every woman wants to hear from her boyfriend. D’Andra is from a legacy family and is currently in a power struggle with her mother over running her company.
According to D’Andra, the last name Simmons is very important in Dallas. Her mother is coming over for brunch to their eclectic house and D’Andra seems to be very nervous about it. Even her hot, ex-military, photo journalist, husband with two kids from a previous marriage, not from a legacy family, and doesn’t have any building with his name on them, is also on edge that his mother-in-law is gracing them with her presence.
In strolls in Dee who is “fabulous,” and has her own nutritional empire after becoming a breast cancer survivor 20 years ago. The entire reason D’Andra moved back to Dallas was to run the company. That was 2004. Chaos breaks out when Jeremy uses the wrong butter knife. Oh the horror! I’ll pray for him. D’Andra puts on her big girl glasses to take notes on how to run the company while Mummy is out of town. Rule number one: no using the company credit card on designer clothes. Rule number two: no implementing her own ideas. Even though D’Andra has been on the payroll for 13 years, change is slow deep in the heart of Texas.
Next, LeeAnne is checking in with her therapist. Yay! We get to go along for the lies. LeeAnne tells her therapist about the “false” police report filed by an ex-boyfriend and leaked by an ex-friend whom she wants to destroy. Seems like therapy is going very slow. LeeAnne’s therapist recommends using coping skills prior to wanting to kill people. Or perhaps LeeAnne needs to up her meds. Just a thought.
Over at Stephanie’s house, Travis comes home with presents for the kids because he knew the camera crew would be there. According to Stephanie, Travis is no longer leaving lists for her to accomplish like he did last year and they are in a much better place. Although Brandi and Stephanie are no longer friends, Travis and Bryan are besties who want to hang out and not hide their bromance.
Over at Brandi’s house, she says their marriage is in a much better place now, too, since she doesn’t have Stephanie to lean on. Bryan is also encouraging Brandi to work things out. He had such a good time at the Rangers game tonight and never wants his friendship with Travis to end. Bryan does acknowledge that Stephanie is moving up the social ladder without Brandi, but who cares, he wants to hang with is bud.
Turns out Kameron and D’Andra have been friends for years because the Simmons and the Westcotts have the same social standing. They visit Wolf Gang Bakery so Kameron can do research on her new dog food line. She says eating brown food every day is a ruff life for dogs. Dog food should be pink! Unless you are a male dog, but don’t worry, Kameron has plans for blue food too. Think of the carpet stains! Kameron’s dog, Louis Vuitton, won’t’ try any of the samples so Kameron eats the dog food instead and gives it two paws up.
Over at the park, Cary and LeeAnne meet up with their dogs to sniff each other out. They discuss their hurt feelings from last year’s reunion. Amazingly, LeeAnneowns her shit about spreading the rumors about Cary and Mark, and apologizes. They agree to try to have mutual respect for each other. LeeAnne changes the subject to gossip about Stephanie and Brandi and their botched friendship. Stephanie’s wants to stay out of it, but LeeAnne wants to insert herself like a hot dog in a bun.
It’s the night of Mark’s party. Brandi and Stephanie will see each other for the first time. Brandi’s plan is to not speak to Stephanie at all because tonight is not about her. Plus, after Cary and LeeAnne’s walk, Cary told Stephanie that LeeAnne was up to her old tricks and Stephanie texted Brandi that message. Brandi asks LeeAnne not to repeat this and LeeAnne say of course she won’t repeat gossip. Famous last words. Brandi and LeeAnne pray in the car before going inside the party that no glasses get smashed…again.
Inside Stephanie comes right over to say hello to Brandi and Brandi gives her the cold Texas shoulder. Brandi says it’s not about her and yet it’s becoming about her. After encouragement from Mark, Kameron goes over to meet Brandi. All the women sit together and you can cut the tension with a – umm never mind. Things are awkward. Stephanie asks Brandi to talk for two seconds, but her mouthpiece, LeeAnne, says no. And recommends the text because “that’s what phone are for.” This is pathetic. Brandi will not utter one word, but finally speaks and says it’s best that she leaves. Y’all, please. Cary says she understands, but that’s probably just so LeeAnne will leave with her. Brandi cries as she walks out. LeeAnne hugs her and says she’ll be right back, she has one thing to say…to Cary.
LeeAnne ditches her promise to Brandi and asks Cary about the “up to her old ways” comment. Cary denies saying this. LeeAnne decides to take Cary’s words as the truth. Cary goes over to Stephanie to sympathize, while secretly doing the Texas two-step, because she wants to be Stephanie’s BFF.
Tune in next time when the fight over Brandi for some reason continues. Tell us what you think? Will The Real Housewives of Dallas redeem themselves this season or will it be another contrived snoozefest?
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.