Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Orange County with not one, but two sex talks with the kids, aren’t we lucky! We begin with an unofficial sip and see for Aspen. Tamra and Shannon are having lunch with Meghan, but her cousin/nanny Bridgett leaves with the baby as soon as the alcohol is poured. Later Meghan will be doing a pump and dump, but for now shares that she doesn’t understand how working moms do it without nannies. Excuse me, but is Meghan a working mom? Shannon chimes in with the same old song and dance, “I am now 40 pounds heavier, du wop, du wop, from the stress Vicki caused.” Though Meghan suffers from baby-fog, she knows the “stress” is most likely caused by Shannon’s marriage. Meghan says Vicki will be invited to the official sip and see because so far Vicki hasn’t done anything to Aspen. Tamra and Shannon look crushed.
We are in Hawaii with Lydia and her family including fun Grandma Judy. As a Christian, Lydia wants to have the sex talk on vacation with her boys. In a testimonial, Lydia explains that Jesus loved sex because he made it. Theologians everywhere are saying, What in the hell is she talking about? But Lydia quickly admits she may have misspoke. So Doug will have the sex talk on vacation with Stirling. Doug says sex is something God created and should be done in private, kind of like going to the bathroom. Poor Stirling, he is officially scarred. TMI moment in paradise: Doug and Lydia were virgins when they married and are making up for lost time. FYI moment in paradise: people who brag about having lots of sex usually aren’t having lots of sex.
We are at Peggy’s house for dinner. What’s in the crock pot? Heck if I know. Their daughter Gianelle announces she was admitted to LIM merchandising college in New York City, but for some reason no one in her family believes her at first. Diko says he ain’t paying for a penthouse in New York and they can’t celebrate her accomplishment this weekend because Peggy is picking up her new yellow Lamborghini. Priorities dear.
Peggy calls Shannon and invite her to the Lamborghini event. Shannon starts by yammering that she’s with Meghan and apologizing for being reactionary at the restaurant, but if Vicki and Kelly are invited then she can’t go because of blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard it all before. Peggy tries to stop her because she doesn’t care about last season, but realizes Shannon is on a roll and gives up. Diko is totally relieved Shannon won’t be coming.
Next up, Kelly and her mom, Bobbi, are visiting a senior center to get her mom a social life. But Bobbi and Kelly are soon arguing over everything like how long Bobbi might live and who will and won’t eat a pancake. Kelly starts crying and the woman in charge of the senior center can’t get a word in edgewise to explain the format.
Over at Vicki’s new offices things are getting set up and everything looks expensive. Her son, Michael is there to help, but he’s doing a better job of breaking trophies. It’s time for sex talk number two. Michael has a beautiful girlfriend and if they get married, Vicki wants him to have a prenup. Then Vicki asks if Michael is using protection and warns that the withdrawal method doesn’t work. Michael is turning three shades of red, trying to melt into the chair, but can’t. He’s learned by now that when Vicki turns into a mama bear, it’s best to play dead.
We are with Kelly as she plots to make amends with Shannon via Tamra. Tamra hesitantly picks up the phone, and after they speak, Tamra accepts the invitation to for coffee. Kelly shares with Tamra she wants to discuss Shannon and doesn’t want to fall down the negativity rabbit hole. Tamra agrees, hangs us, and promptly calls Shannon to report this turn of events. Shannon feels left out but knows she will eventually cross paths with Kelly because they are on the same reality show.
Back in Hawaii, Lydia and Doug are having dinner alone. Lydia tells Doug it’s now time to cut his balls off. That’s the worst possible way to pitch a vasectomy to your husband, ladies. Doug says he might want to try for a girl in a few years, hoping this will buy him time to keep his balls. Lydia tells him to make a deposit in the sperm bank for either her, or his 20 year-old new wife should something happen to Lydia, but she is done. Doug is worried he will go from a stallion to a gelding in one swipe of the scalpel, but let’s get real, he’s no stallion.
We are back with Meghan as she goes over the “old people” soap for their pop up shop. I guess this is working mom Meghan. In strolls Jimmy, and daughter Aspen has a huge smile for her daddy even though she doesn’t see him much. Meghan is disappointed that Jimmy is working harder than ever and warns that he will come home one day and Aspen won’t know who he is. A little dramatic, but that’s Meghan for you.
It’s tea time with Kelly and Tamra. Kelly’s plan is to out-master the puppet-master, which is really giving Tamra too much credit. Kelly admits she was obnoxious over the break with social media concerning Tamra and her family. They each apologize to each other and Kelly says she will reach out to Shannon soon. So what’s left to talk about? Kelly shares she got her vajayjay tightened because that’s just normal tea time conversation. Tamra wants to get one too so she can stop peeing on herself whenever she yells at Eddie.
It’s party time for Peggy and Diko because they are pretentious classy people with a reputation to maintain in the car industry. The whole family is going and Diko’s advice to his daughters is to stay away from the Italian men: they make good cars but bad husbands. Way to insult the entire cast of RHONJ. The party is at the dealership and it’s hopping. Lydia arrives and promptly tells Peggy about cutting off Doug’s balls. Peggy secretly longs for a friend who’s not vapid. Meghan and Jimmy arrive and so do Vicki and Steve.
It’s time to unveil the car. Drum roll please. The bright yellow car is revealed and everyone is jealous, whether they admit it or not. Meghan regales a story to the ladies about Ireland and Peggy is surprised to learn the ladies traveled there. So Peggy agreed to come on this show sight unseen? O-kay. The conversation is steered to safer topics but that soon fails when Vicki says she would never start trouble with the ladies and Meghan tells her she absolutely would.
Across town, Tamra and Eddie go over to Shannon and David’s house to laugh about the Lamborghini party. Hahaha, we don’t want one. Liars. Anyway, Tamra tells Shannon she feels better about Kelly. Shannon says she will try to be calm to Kelly with Tamra’s help and Tamra will try to be calm to Vicki with Shannon’s help. Yep, this will all go according to plan.
Back at the blatant show of wealth party, Vicki tells Meghan they have all hurt each other a lot, a lot, a lot. Meghan tells Vicki it’s good to swallow your pride and that’s what an apology is all about. Vicki says she’s done apologizing. Peggy tells Meghan the more she talks about it the more it stirs stuff up, and then proceeds to pinch Megan’s lips together. On the other side of the room Jimmy is so jealous. Why didn’t he think of that? Meghan is confused and insulted and Jimmy will pay even though he had nothing to do with it.
Tune in next week to attend Meghan’s “sip & see” and to see if the ladies can all get along. I think we all know the answer to that one.