Shalom! The Shahs of Sunset are going to Israel, and there will be trouble, but that’s later. We start with Reza and Adam who are researching fertility options. First up is surrogacy. This is what Adam wants. He wants twins, one from each of them, and a woman to fertilize and carry the two eggs. Reza would like to adopt. He doesn’t need a mini-him. At the doctor’s office we learn the cost of surrogacy is upwards of $160K. This calls for a conversation because Reza would prefer to spend the money on himself.
Up next is MJ, she’s visiting her father in the hospital before she leaves the country. She asks for any advice and he recommends finding a Jewish friend. Done! She’s got Mike and half of Reza. Seeing her dad in this condition makes MJ want to have a baby right away. And MJ is such a good/weird/confused daughter, she brought her daddy porn magazines. Guess he’s not that disabled after all.
We are at a restaurant with GG and her boyfriend, Shalom, to introduce him to her parents. As you know, shalom means peace, but the peace could cease when they learn Shalom is Jewish. GG is very nervous. Her plan is to start drinking and farting. Saki for everyone! This is special because Shalom is the first guy to meet her parents, all the other losers weren’t good enough, but this loser is! In stroll’s GG’s mom and dad, full of hope and smiles – until they hear his name. They ask for Shalom’s background and he explains that he was born in Israel and came to America (as fast as he could) via Germany when he was 14. He knows English, German, Hebrew (a little bit) and Farsi. Way to downplay that Hebrew.
GG asks her dad for his thumbs up or thumbs down on Shalom. And like a sign from God, a glass of water spills, nearly shorting out the electric pan on the table. Dad is ready to give his answer. He begins by saying, “You know how I feel about you dating Jews.” Everyone takes a deep breath. He says, “I don’t care!” Hey let’s celebrate. GG’s dad is so ready to pass off his daughter to anyone, Jews now qualify. Mazel tov!
Next, we join Asa as she shops for baby strollers with Reza. He shares his knowledge that “babies are expensive as fucking…” and then is cut off but I’m sure he was going to say college. Asa and Reza discuss what the hell is wrong with MJ and her outrageous jealousy. Asa deduces MJ’s mean streak comes from what she’s lacking. And Asa’s judgment comes from the degree in psychology she is lacking.
Over at MJ’s condo, Tommy is telling her it’s okay to show her massive cleavage in Israel, but right now it’s time for her to give the ovulation stick a golden shower. MJ is still not ovulating. Oh the humanity! I’m sure she’ll be ovulating in Israel.
Meanwhile, Mike’s little brother David stops when he’s packing and this scene has no purpose other than to inform us that although Mike credit’s David for getting him through his divorce, he’s not taking him to Israel to visit their family.
Reza and Adam are having an in-home meeting with an adoption agent who is there to discuss the foster to adoption program. So what are these two doing to prepare? Pouring themselves a couple of stiff drinks. For Moses’ sake, make cupcakes and tea, why don’t you? Reza reveals it’s Adam’s bio-clock that’s ticking like a bomb, not his. The agent asks what age range they want and Reza quickly says they want a baby. She explains about the unwanted kids, the non-babies, and this causes Reza to tear up. He asks Adam how can they use surrogacy when all these kids need a family. Reza thinks the foster to adoption program is perfect – kind of like test driving a sports car. If they don’t like it, they can return it.
Twenty hours later, the gang arrives in Tel Aviv and are put in the detention center except for MJ and Asa. Mike is bummed because he’s a real Jew. The other detainees Reza, Shervin, GG and Destiney are shocked to learn this can take up to five hours. Finally they release Destiney after her 2.5 hours interrogation. Next out are Shervin and Mike after three hours. The last two remaining are GG and Reza – and everyone knows that GG can become a caged rat in these situations. Fingers crossed she does! Five hours later, they are released and Reza compares the experience to wandering in the desert for 40 years. Oy vey, he’s such a shmendrik.
The gang gets ready and goes out to eat. In Israel you can smoke in restaurants and this freaks Asa out, so she leaves. I think everyone knew she was going to be a drag and that’s why they asked Destiney to join them. Reza asks Destiney what kind of guy she likes and she says sweet. Destiney admits she’s only dated one Persian guy and has never dated a black guy. Then the lovely GG announces she loves black cock. Mike is totally offended – and wants everyone to know that his d*ck hangs to his knees. GG says, nope, it doesn’t, and MJ says whip out the beef sausage (but never pork).
The girls go outside to have a smoke even though you can do it inside. MJ informs them she will be getting pregnant next month. GG and MJ argue over when the child is a bastard: before conception or before birth? Who the eff cares! Reza walks up and gives MJ a big dose of reality by telling her she has better odds of winning the lottery. MJ doesn’t let Debbie-downer dampen her spirits. Bring on the shots.
The shahs leave the restaurant and bring the party back to the hotel. Hey, let’s play spin the bottle like we’re 13. Okay! GG kisses the new random guy, Schlomi. Next MJ kisses Shervin, then she tells Schlomi to take his pants off. He does but keeps his underwear on so we don’t really know if Jewish. Then two random girls make out with each other, and when the alcohol has been consumed or spilled, the strangers leave and MJ passes out.
Tune in next week when the men visit the Wailing Wall and GG tells herself it’s just a wall with sacred historical significance.