There’s a new freak show on the TLC block, and the premiere was a doozy. 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days chronicles online lovebirds who are meeting for the first time, edging their way towards the K-1 visa phase. Let’s meet the couples!
Darcey and Jesse
Darcey is a Connecticut mother of two girls, named Aniko and Aspen. She works in fashion, and has been divorced six years. Darcey met Jesse in a quest to “broaden her horizons” — on an international dating app. She scrolled and hit the jackpot, immediately falling head over heels for Jesse’s ripped abs. Darcey believes that European guys have more “pizazz and culture” — and always look better in their underwear. The personal trainer is only 24 — but is super mature online. Darcey catfished Jesse with photos of her younger self — but doesn’t seem bothered, because Jesse is a legit charmer, who treats her like a long distance queen. Darcey plans to leave her girls for 6 weeks, to hook up with her dream hunk in person. She hopes for a proposal, and a hottie stepdad for her girls.
Her sister, skeptical Stacey, is introduced — immediately throwing shade at her sister’s heart-shaped pupils. We watch Darcey travel hours to unload her girls at their father’s place, an odd move in the middle of a school year. Poignant music accompanies the separation scene, where the gals share all that they will miss about their fishy, love-starved mother. Darcey doesn’t want to leave them — but her lonely heart will not be denied. She’s a little nervous, but knows that her connection with Jesse is deep, and that the trip might pay off with a ring. Her daughters are unsettled, and hope that their mom will calm down and get a grip, before walking down the aisle. They tear up and embrace at the split, but Darcey knows that her babies will be happy with their new buff daddy. Darcey is officially Amsterdam bound.
Paul and Karine
Paul is a 34-old IT guy from Kentucky. He’s so desperate that he’s ready to journey up the Amazon for days to meet his dream girl. He has never left the U.S., but is willing to risk it all for love. Paul’s Louisville love life is a bust, so he’s willing to climb every mountain and forge every stream for a shot at the real thing. Karine is 21-years-old, and perfect in every way — except that she cannot understand a word that Paul says. Karine lives in primitive conditions, and since Paul hasn’t bothered to learn beginner Portuguese, the couple relies on translation apps for communication. Paul’s upcoming journey is extreme — so he plans to haul a ton of luggage to make it even worse. Paul offers us a rainforest tutorial while packing up his handy footlockers — preparing to jet to Brazil. He knows that he’s sort of crazy — and hopes that this chick is worth it. Paul offers to transport some American junk food on a supermarket video chat, but his effort only frustrates the stressed Karine.
Paul virtually wipes her tears away, assuring her that he will teach her all about Captain Crunch, via translated text, when he gets there. He reveals that he funded her family’s internet hookup, and is concerned that he might be just an American wallet. Paul has a close relationship with his mother, Mary, who often wonders why finding a local date is so darned challenging. His mom later helps him load his hoard, and is emotional about surrendering her son the the scary jungle. Paul is anxious — his careful packing of a clump of his mama’s hair a dead and freaky giveaway. Mary isn’t so sure about this whole thing, but you only live once, and Paul is ready for his wild, meticulously planned adventure. The journey will be long, but Karine will be surely be worth the weighty haul. We will see Paul in Brazil, next week.
Sean and Abby
Sean is from Ohio, and is 47 years old. He’s a home renovator, who has four grown children. We meet his daughter, Sarah, who lives in Texas, and is about the same age as her potential stepmother. Sean spills that he has always had the hots for African American beauties, so he decided to look outside the country, to score a primo wife. We learn that Abby pursued Sean — yet another red flag waving across his story. Abby is 20-years old, a college student, and great at gabbing all day long. Six weeks after meeting Abby, Sean is primed and ready to go to Haiti and sweep her off her feet. Abby can’t wait to dress sexy for Sean, and has “many plans” for her new/old lover. Abby lives with her parents and has three brothers, and is a little worried about introducing Sean to the family — but can’t wait for the star-spangled hugs and kisses. Sean is prepared to schmooze, and is already considering a proposal. Abby is a post-teen, but Paul claims that his own kids are only concerned about his lecherous happiness. Sean knows that this trip will make or break the romance, but is optimistic that Abby is “the one.”
We later sit in on a phone convo between the lovebirds, made extra cringeworthy by Sean’s pet names for his “baby girl.” The couple can’t wait to frolic on the beach and smooch at the airport — the latter nauseatingly anticipated by Sean. Sean practically drools all over his phone, as he gushes about laying one on his Haitian dream girl. Sean knows that Abby’s life is bleak, and that his trip to Haiti won’t be a luxury ride. Sean’s rather icky dream is about to come true, and he hopes that the red hot sparks are the real deal. Sean later stuffs a couple hundred pairs of close-out panties into his luggage, hoping to boost his future fiance’s in-home resale clothing biz. His pal joins him, and Sean becomes emotional — dishing that his future wife might be dating another senior sugar daddy, on the side. Sean is on his way, but is a bit worried about a possible set-up. The thickening plot lands, as the episode wraps.