The Real Housewives of New York fiesta begins right where we left off — with Sonja trying to convince Ramona that she’s miserable. Ramona and Sonja scream at each other over who’s the most desperately sad — both ladies denying that such a state exists. Ramona admits that she wishes that she had a wedding ring, preferably from Mario. However, Ramona embraces her swinging single-hood, and is annoyed that her buttinski bestie is killing her buzz.
Sonja is plastered and ready to mingle — with anyone with a pulse. Sonja ricochets between sad songs and girl groping, and the spectacle is cringeworthy. The ladies compare boobs — both real and implanted, before Bethenny declares her’s the obvious winners. She strips down to prove it — blinding viewers with two Skinnygirl butt cheeks. Sonja sways with joy, and celebrates by slugging straight from the margarita pitcher. Luann learned the hard way, so she swoops in, to yank it away. Sonja shifts to Plan B, which is stumbling out of her clothes, to join Bethenny in the pool. Dorinda says no way, and shares that she even showers with her clothes on.
We join Bethenny’s blurred nipples and Ramona’s recovering face, deep in tipsy conversation. Their day was fabulous, but their friendship is fractured. Bethenny implores Ramona to see what a pathetic loser she is, noting that no friend would call national attention to a girl’s porny past. Ramona listens carefully, as Sonja’s pixelated lady bits zigzag around on the sideline. Ramona finally caves to Bethenny’s naked badgering, admitting that she IS a miserable, terrible friend, with a diabolical blurting addiction. Ramona weeps through the emotional breakthrough, and Bethenny joins, relieved that she was proven CORRECT — and while nude. They gasp and blubber in unison, while Ramona screams “I DON’T KNOW” — wondering why oh why she went along with this exhausting storyline.
Meanwhile, Bravo gives us a a quick boob shot, while Dorinda and Luann jam a bathing suit onto a limp Sonja. Dorinda is horrified by the up-close crotch shots, but Luann seems used to the drill. Back in the pool, Ramona admits that she’s “unedited” but kind, and the pair bond over busting through their emotional walls. Bethenny suddenly finds her modesty, and wrapped in a towel makes her way over to Sonja, who is crookedly clothed in her bathing suit. Sonja pulls out her sexist moves, and Bethenny submits to a couple of smooches, giving the camera guys a cheap thrill.
The group breaks to get ready for dinner, and Bethenny is first to the table. She bleats out her punctual frustration, which does not go over well with Dorinda. Dorinda wants her tanked vacation respected, so she rambles off some nonsense which Bethenny pegs as an act. Dorinda delivers a slurring soliloquy, her conducting arms amusing Bethenny and Tinsley, until the badass rant ends in a punctured hand. The blood drips, and the fun comes to an abrupt halt. Dorinda and Bethenny tend to the cut, and Dorinda decides to seize the moment and ask why the B-I needs to be right 24/7. Bethenny objects, but Dorinda continues to push her to give the super-human act a rest.
The duo continues bickering as Ramona slinks in, and dinner is served. Sonja is sleeping off her humiliation, so the ladies grab the chance to gossip about the shady landlady. Exploding fireworks mercifully bust up the chatter, and the ladies rush outside to enjoy the show. Dorinda continues to push Bethenny’s buttons, her flailing arms adding a spot-on interpretive touch.
Bethenny is shocked that the tequila is bringing out such deep cast hatred, and wishes that she could have remained in happy denial. Bethenny actually knows her own controversial personality, and it ain’t always pretty. Carole throws in a knee-slapper — pointing out that Bethenny is “hypersensitive” to criticism. They all decide that Dorinda does not-not-not adore her, but Bethenny declares that an apology is in order.
The next morning begins with Ramona dishing to Luann about the dinner the night before. Lu was wrapped up in phone romance with Tom, and missed the whole thing. Ramona is basking in the Bethenny reinstatement, but Lu thinks that it’s just a matter of time before her mouth ruins it. Dorinda and Bethenny exchange bleary glares, while Dorinda blames her sore arms on the alcohol. Dorinda offers a compliment heavy explanation, but Bethenny tells her to talk to her own gashed hand. They swap barbs, until Dorinda nastily proclaims Bethenny “correct.”
Bethenny knows that Dorinda is incorrect, and Dorinda confirms, spilling her insecurities to Carole — the true Bethenny whisperer. Dorinda admits that she gets aggressive when she squelches her disdain for her co-stars. The other group advises Bethenny to just ignore Dorinda’s boozy tantrums. Carole continues to talk Dorinda off the ledge, while Sonja FaceTimes with Edgar, whipping her phone up and down her body — proving that unbalanced and hungover can be hot. The ladies gather in the kitchen, and Dorinda pulls Bethenny out to clear up the mess.
Bethenny whines and cries over the trials of being a commercial superstar — revealing that she’s forced to “hide” her success in undisclosed locations. Bethenny hates gloating — unless it’s in her homes, office, car, snowboard, Mexico, or anywhere else. The fight is finally put to bed, and the ladies split to take on the day. Ramona, Tinsley, and Carole board a fishing boat, while Sonja, Lu and Bethenny enjoy some spa relaxation. Ramona propositions the captain, to kick off the beautiful day. We learn that Tinsley is meeting Scott in Vegas for their second date — right off the plane, and hopefully, straight into a wedding ring. Sonja analyzes Tinsley’s man desperation, while Tinsley reveals that she’s been planning an eff-off Sonja bash to end the season. Sonja labels the party a self-serving facade — aka an image booster.
Meanwhile, Carole is the life of the boat, until two gorgeous whales show her how it’s really done. Carole decides to buy a fish and call it Baby, and crosses her fingers that the other girls won’t spill that she didn’t birth it herself. The staff agrees to cook it up, as Ramona tries to get things cookin’ with the staff. The final dinner is next, and Bethenny prays that the tequila infused harmony will end, and the legit drama will begin. The ladies agree that due to the wide array of cringeworthy episodes, the trip was the best one ever. They play “rose and thorn”—analyzing their best and worst Mexican moments. Tinsley is blasted and loud, and Lu advises her to can the f-bomb in public places. Tinsley objects, strangely countering with a snippy lesson in south Florida geography. Luann proclaims Tom her eternal rose and hot thorn in her side, all rolled into one. The cast gags.
The season finale is next week! Is it really over already?