#RHOC Recap: We Have A New Puppet Master!

Wow! This week on The Real Housewives of Orange County there’s all kinds of talk about vaginas and manginas! But that fun is for later. First we begin with Tamra pushing organic mood enhancing drugs on Shannon, praise the Lord. The two discuss what happened at the restaurant last night with Kelly, who is doomed to suck hairy balls. Shannon says she will be embarrassed by her behavior for a long time, at least three days, or when the drugs kick in, whichever comes first.

Speaking of Kelly, she is telling her husband Michael how last night she was minding her own business when she just happened to run into Shannon, Tamra, Lydia and new girl Peggy, at the restaurant – and was kicked out yet again. Michael thinks that somewhere in Shannon, under all those layers of fluff, is a fun loving person. Michael is what they call an optimist. Kelly says that she and Shannon could be friends but the new puppet-master Tamra is cock-blocking her and giving Shannon Stockholm syndrome.

It’s Stirling’s birthday and he is having a movie themed party at Grandma Judy’s house of fun. Vicki is invited to the party, too, but no word if she’s bringing Briana. If so, Briana should feel free to put her muddy shoes on the couch and spill her red wine wherever she sees fit. Lydia tells her mom about the disastrous dinner with Shannon and says it’s Vicki and Kelly versus Tamra and Shannon. My question is, why are these grown women going to a kid’s birthday party when they aren’t related to the kid? 

It’s raining cats and dogs, but Kelly and Vicki make it safely to the party. Lydia tells Kelly there will be no drama because Tamra and Shannon aren’t coming. Peggy and her husband Diko arrive and Kelly apologizes for her behavior at the restaurant. And then hits on Diko once she sees the rock on Peggy’s finger. So why does Judy wear a crown in the kitchen and while having sex with her husband? Because she’s probably been snorting the fairy dust. Before Vicki leaves she tells Peggy the next time the girls go out she needs to invite her so she can show Peggy how to bitch slap the ladies. Peggy tells Vicki she is going through some medical issues and really doesn’t want to be part of this crap, but thanks for caring. Vicki says she’s out of the medical information game, but tells Peggy if she ever needs anything, she has her number.

Next up is fun at the gyno office! Kelly is getting her vagina tightened and bringing lucky Vicky along to the appointment. Here’s some TMI for you, Kelly’s vajayjay is leaking. Vicki doesn’t want to be there and is facing the wall so she doesn’t have to look. The dildo-shaped instrument is then inserted into Kelly’s hoo-haw. She says it’s the most action she’s had in a while, but probably Kelly was drunk and just doesn’t remember the action. Here’s the thing, if you are considering this procedure, don’t let the smoke or smell deter you. It’s a temporary eww. When the doctor tells Kelly no sex and no tampons for seven days, Kelly says no problem.

Over at Shannon’s house it’s time for a driving lesson for Sophie. Shannon instructs Sophie to grab the round thing in the middle and push the thingy on the floor with her foot. Sophie has a bit of a lead foot, doesn’t know how to use her turn signal, and nearly gets in a wreck. By the end of the driving lesson mother and daughter are yelling, but they survive. And who knows, maybe Shannon burned a few calories from the stress.

 

Next up we are at Tamra’s house and her son Ryan is hanging out. Tamra is freaking over a speech she needs to give in a few days for a cause called Erasing Family. Tamra says at this particular moment in time things between she and Simon are good. Recently Tamra saw her daughter Sydney over at Ryan’s house, and says it was awkward, but she hugged her daughter for the first time – without being in court or counseling – in four years. FOUR YEARS? Tamra tells Ryan the fighting between he and Sarah needs to stop, said the woman who fights with everyone. Ryan says that even though his stepdad Simon was an asshole and they didn’t get along, Ryan is thankful he had an asshole like him in his life. Tamra cries real tears for the first time ever. Then tells Ryan she will always be here for him and his mangina.

It’s time for our weekly welfare check with Meghan. Kelly stops by to visit in her husband’s white oxford shirt and nothing else. The two haven’t spoken in a while because when Kelly asked Meghan through text if the rumor was true she was dating someone, Kelly texted back that Jimmy was cheating on Meghan, who was seven months pregnant at the time. It’s a tie on who’s messier, but Kelly brought a gift so all is well. Kelly then brags to Meghan how she told Shannon to keep eating the other night. Ha-ha. Isn’t that funny? Meghan thinks Kelly is around the same age as Aspen emotionally, but at least Aspen stops crying when a boob is shoved in her mouth.

Over at Peggy’s house, Vicki stops by, driving into their garage so the cameras can get a shot of Diko’s exotic cars. Vicki calls Peggy a princess, but Peggy calls herself blessed. Upstairs, Diko tells Vicki that Peggy was touched by Vicki’s gesture to be there for her. Peggy tears up as she explains it’s difficult to talk about her health and about her mom who died from breast cancer. Flashbacks are shown of Vicki when she got the call that her own mom had died. Diko then tells Vicki that Peggy’s dad recently died when she was first diagnosed. It’s a real bummer of a time, but Peggy and Vicki bonding is better than listening to the ladies screech at each other all the time.

It’s Tamra’s big night and her father, brother, and son and their wives are there to support her. In fact, her dad drove 10 hours to be there for the event. The cycle of dysfunction is kind of interesting. When Tamra’s dad left her mom, Tamra took her mom’s side and stopped talking to her dad. Kind of like what Tamra’s daughter Sydney is doing to her. Everyone is there to celebrate, but Tamra’s mom. She had to work because Tamra’s dad left her for her best friend and they’re still together. Oh, and Eddie is there. Completely forgot about him.

During her speech, Tamra asks her dad, brother and son to stand by her while she gives the speech about her not very silent pain. Tamra’s message is to love your children more than you hate your ex – which should be her next tattoo. It’s Tamra’s hope that Ryan and his wife Sarah (who could be Tamra’s sister) listen to her words and work hard to save their marriage so they can break the cycle.

Tune in next time when Lydia cuts off her husband’s balls and Peggy shuts Meghan’s mouth for her.

 

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