90 Day Fiance

RECAP: ’90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After’ Chantel EXPLODES On Pedro Over Romancing Her For A Green Card!

Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She's a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.

As our 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After ride continues, Chantel and Pedro continue to steal the spotlight, while Jorge and Anfisa and Danielle and Mohamed tag along in their shadows. Let’s catch up!

Chantel and Pedro

We jump back to the Dominican Republic, where Chantel’s family has left Pedro’s family in a cloud of dust. Granny’s shack was voodoo-sketchy, so the family vamoosed to the safety of a Santiago hotel. Chantel went with them, and is terrified that her husband is using America to provide for his family.

We jump to a Dominican bitch-fest next, where Pedro’s mother and sister are analyzing the spooked gringos. Pedro’s family feels humiliated, hurt, and disrespected — kinda like they had just been served a platter of shady chicken scraps. Pedro declares that Americans don’t give a crap about their parents. He throws down an ultimatum via a confessional spot — demanding that Chantel choose between her family, or supporting his.

Things are confused, but Pedro’s bachelor party kicks off, despite the fact that the meaningless wedding might be canceled. The men jabber about the family brouhaha, and agree that although Chantel’s kin are the worst, Pedro should remain loyal to his wife. They implore him to call Chantel, and he finally submits and phones his wife. The crabby couple meets in person, to discuss their messy predicament.

Pedro arrives at the hotel, and complains about the van standoff. Chantel says that his family is using him for their cash, and Pedro throws his green card down, in a melodramatic huff. Chantel does not appreciate living by a kitchen sink, nor coming in second place to a third bedroom. Their communication blows, and Pedro threatens to stay behind, to live under his mother’s luxurious roof. The marriage is a mess, but the stamina is real, because they manage to fight in circles for hours. Pedro finally switches gears, promising that their wedding will symbolize an undefined new beginning. Chantel is nervous, and wants her dad in on the deal.

Chantel’s friends from the states arrive for the overhyped hoopla, and Chantel fills them in on the driveway debate. Gege thinks that Pedro is shady, and Chantel chokes out a few tears over the rinse and repeat blah-blah. We do learn that Pedro’s dad is not in the picture. Pedro later meets up with his father-in-law, Thomas, and River, who both calmly share their concerns. Thomas believes that there’s a sketchy agenda going on, namely some hardcore mooching. Thomas offers Pedro fatherly advice, explaining how American men are expected to treat their wives. Pedro lays out a vague 2-3 year plan — the exact amount of time necessary to gain citizenship.

Thomas is knocked over by the red flag, and reminds him that Chantel was fine before he began pilfering her bank account. They all squabble about disrespectful finger pointing, and what constitutes a dirty moocher. Thomas thinks Pedro’s mother is a sneaky b*tch — one with a much improved lifestyle. Pedro changes the subject, and reminds him that it’s all about true love. Thomas reiterates his position, which Pedro calls crazy. The warning flags are a-waving — and Pedro is walking away.

Danielle and Mohamed

Walmart Tom stands in the spotlight, as we catch up with Danielle. She hopes  that he will buy her hardcore evidence, even though he has already pushed for the divorce. Tom claims that he has not been communicating with Mohamed, and advises Danielle to steer clear of her blabbering social media habits. Danielle swears that Mohamed’s “lil’ trips” and “lil’ women” destroyed their marriage, but Tom believes that Mohamed’s motives were good. Danielle points out that Mohamed boinking anyone but her proves that he’s an online shyster. Danielle provides easy reader text printouts, but Walmart Tom isn’t convinced. Danielle gets dirty, declaring that one boink sesh does not a marriage make.

Mohamed is getting his jollies somewhere, and Danielle is peeved that she missed out on the honeymoon phase. Tom doesn’t appreciate Danielle’s airhorn delivery, and advises her to get lost and tell it to the judge. Tom is like Switzerland, and thinks that Danielle is wasting her mom energy on a losing game. Danielle storms off, infuriated at Tom’s allegiance to the Tunisian skunk. Danielle hates, hates, hates Mohamed, and swears that she will get his ass kicked out of the U.S., at least until the next time he calls. Sneaky Tom reveals that a rat session with Mohamed is scheduled for the next day. Mohamed later meets with his lawyer, Donald, but feels confident that he can represent himself in court. Donald advises him to cut the attitude and hire an attorney. Mohamed is argumentative, and refuses to listen. Mohamed just wants red white and blue peace, but Don nails him for not taking responsibility for his own messy  behavior. Danielle is a scary life destroyer, but Mohamed is angry, clueless, and stupid, so they’re even. Mohamed struts an overconfident exit, as Donald notes that cranky know-it-alls tend to land butt-first, back where they came from.   

Jorge and Anfisa

The days are long, because Anfisa and Jorge are still separated, and Anfisa is alone. We catch Anfisa calling her grandma, the woman who raised her. Grandma notices that Anfisa’s breasts have gained weight since she left Russia, but Anfisa laughs it off, blaming it on the implant-high camera angle. No one back home knows that the couple has split, and Anfisa is worried that her family might bug her to return. We next sit through an odd scene with Jorge and Ramon — a friend Jorge had previously ditched for his porny dream girl. Jorge has disconnected from his world — and Ramon patiently welcomes him back, as he moans and groans over the ball and chain. Life with Anfisa is like being in prison — but we all know that Jorge can’t wait to go back, and throw away the key. Anfisa passes the lonely hours in a doctor’s office — plotting her next look, shooting up her pout, and lying through her teeth. Anfisa denies having previous work done, but states that procedures bring her joy.

Anfisa’s savings are dwindling, and her bruised lips miss Jorge’s empty wallet. Jorge later spends some time with his neglected mother and sister, Lourdes, and the family scene is sweet. Jorge has ditched his mother for the Russian whore, and she’s heartbroken. Jorge shares the terrible news that he’s about to backpedal and pay for Anfisa to forgive him. Lourdes advises against rewarding the skank, but his mother believes that a Bible might come in handy. Jorge’s mother doubts that Anfisa loves her son, and doesn’t think that she’ll ever change.

Next week, Jorge picks out bling to pry back open Anfisa’s legs, Mohamed and Danielle face off in court, and Pedro’s sister is proclaimed a bitch-ass/ slut-ass whore. Don’t miss the fun!

 

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