The Real Housewives of New York resumes in Mexico, just as Luann stumbles back into sobriety. Luann joins a yoga sesh, admitting that she was plastered the night before — done in by sugary margaritas and surprise ledges. The ladies gather for breakfast, and Luann laughs off the bush topple like a champ. Tinsley and Carole receive ginormous flower arrangements from their lovers, evidently show-off bouquets the new Bravo honey-do. Tinsley and Scott are proclaimed a five-day-old match made in heaven. Ramona makes her entrance, and launches into apologetic jabber before Bethenny rings the bell for the next round. Ramona explains that she doesn’t know why she’s compelled to pick, pick, pick. She feels embarrassed by her words — but her runaway mouth kinda loves it. Ramona denies that her morning plea is an apology — claiming that she just wants an end to tension with the boss.
Bethenny reminds her that her rogue pie-hole is not invited to her high stakes tequila tour, and Ramona almost curtsies — assuring her that she will submit to her final decision. Bethenny is baffled by Ramona’s general ass-holery, pointing out that her annoying shtick is entering it’s second decade. Ramona just wishes that Bethenny would ignore her empty ramblings, and pretend that they’re friends. Bethenny knows that Ramona doesn’t like her — but Ramona objects, clarifying that she does not-not-not-not like her. Ramona vows to spend the whole day auditioning hard for a spot on Team Tequila. Bethenny doesn’t care, as long as Ramona’s wonky idea of not-not friendship doesn’t pollute her brand. Ramona is jumping thru mad hoops, but Bethenny just isn’t buying what she’s selling.
The ladies then split into groups to gossip about Tinsley — and Sonja continues to shade her lame houseguest for “leaning on” others. Group 2 titters about Tinsley’s budding romance, while Ramona longs for the days when Bethenny was weak, ill, and less horrible. A healthy Bethenny is like a turtle — and not the fun, drunk kind. Dorinda, Carole, Bethenny and Luann prepare to conquer the waves, and Dorinda starts it off right, by clonking the hangover out of Lu with her surfboard. Tinsley and Sonja hash out the Page Six melodrama, while the other ladies get tossed around in the surf. Tinsley and Sonja shriek back and forth about gossip etiquette, and nothing gets resolved. Tinsley can’t figure out why Sonja won’t set the record straight — but Sonja knows that she already has, and then some.
The ladies head out on a shopping excursion, while wondering if Ramona’s gold star act will win her a Skinnybitch invite. The ladies squeal over the colorful wares, as Ramona plots how to pitch Bethenny the new her. Bethenny knows that the ass-kissing is real, when Ramona buys her a new dress, to remedy a blocked credit card. Ramona buys the group matching bags with Luann’s cash, and Bethenny sheepishly admits that every girl has a price. She later spills to Sonja that she will probably cave and invite the bug-eyed hag, as long as she keeps her yapper shut, and Luann’s wallet open.
Sonja knows that Ramona needs to fess up to her own issues — including her own undercover misery. Sonja relays a TMI story about Ramona and Mario’s past rockin’ sex life, while Ramona prances against the horizon — delivering a slo-mo run to the fantasy beach lover of her dreams.
Sonja soon spills to Ramona about the dishy hot tub discussion, and counsels her to admit that she’s an insubordinate peon, who needs a healthy dose of self-help. Ramona admits that she hurt Bethenny’s feelings, and confesses that her addiction to drunken blurting needs to be addressed. Sonja acts as her blurt coach, praising Ramona’s self-awareness breakthrough. Ramona still believes that her tipsy analysis was spot-on, but is tired of being in big trouble with the B-I. Sonja waves her arms around to show what true remorse looks like, and Ramona’s ginormous breasts almost nod in agreement. Ramona accepts that Bethenny controls all discussions, and the duo celebrates with an embrace — basking in enlightened surrender.
As the ladies gather for dinner, we learn that the low-drama Page Six item made it to print. Sonja is busted for being a press monger and a vindictive hostess, as Tinsley continues to whine and carry on like the world is crushing her signature curls. Bethenny notes that their conversations go nowhere, and the ladies prove it by debating Ramona’s holy and non-vaginal sex life. Dorinda deals out some snarky souvenirs, and saves them all from Sonja’s circular chatter. Back at the villa, Bethenny preps the ladies for the prickly agave fields, and finally gives in — inviting Ramona to join. Bethenny delivers a mini-lecture, and Ramona whips out her most sincere squint, promising that she will not verbally puke all over her precious biz. Bethenny begs her to work on a balance between desperate idolatry and mouthy bitchery, and Ramona solemnly vows to do her best.
It’s the big day, and the ladies are excited to booze it up in tequila-land. The ladies all excitedly board the helicopters. Ramona, wrapped like a self-absorbed mummy, bashes her head — much to Bethenny’s delight. The copters land, and the women are greeted by native performers, before being force-fed their first shots of Skinnygirl. Ramona’s fangirl love for Bethenny begins to nauseate Dorinda, but Bethenny’s ass is smooched and happy. The group tours the distillery, and sips more hooch. The staff pulls out all the stops, showering the group with festive love, before the ladies sit down to eat and taste more tequila. They sip and giggle, and Sonja can’t drink fast enough.
The group hops back in the helicopters to continue the fiesta back at the villa — and everyone is still standing. The ladies rollick around, and Sonja celebrates her first buzz of the year by mauling Luann. Ramona reveals how Mario tipped her off that he was cheating, and Sonja slurs out her analysis, pushing Ramona to admit her sexless misery. Bethenny jumps in to blast Sonja’s plastered therapist act — defending Ramona. Ramona isn’t getting banged like she’s used to, but insists that she’s HAPPY anyway — maybe because Bethenny likes her again.
The fiesta continues next week — with fireworks, a whale sighting, and Bethenny’s bare, skinny butt adding to the boozy fun.