#RHOC Recap: Lydia and Shannon Go Head to Head During Their First Meeting Over Vicki!

We join The Real Housewives of Orange County in time to watch Shannon with her Feng Shui expert Elaine. You see, it’s just a matter of getting new furniture and placing it in the right place to straighten out Shannon’s life. Elaine asks how things are between her and David. Hey, Elaine, got a month? Turns out, this rental house has a toilet right in the middle of the relationship area. The way I see it, all Shannon has to do is flush the turd she’s married to down the drain. Easy peasy.

Up next, Vicki is freaking out about her office move. Gotta love her associate Linda, though. She tells Vicki to calm down and not to touch her office. And don’t mention the Feng Shui lady to Vicki because she was a recommendation from crazy Shannon. Here’s the truth, having nine oranges in a bowl isn’t going to change your life unless you fall in love with the exterminator who’s there to kill the fruit flies.

Over at Jimmy and Meghan’s house they are officially the most boring couple on RHOC. As adorable as Aspen is, she can’t save them. But she can exercise her lungs and throw up on Jimmy, so maybe Aspen can save them. Meghan remembers when life used to be all about her, but life is wonderful, sniff, sniff. In the car ride to nowhere, Meghan drones on about the other ladies while Jimmy dreams of dinner.

Lydia and her husband Doug are at a fabulous house that nobody lives to photograph it for their new magazine called Nobleman. It’s a riveting waste of good trees magazine that discusses what it’s like to be today’s gentleman. I’m sure millennials will snatch this up as much as Tinder. You see, Doug and Lydia made the mistake sold their portion of the last magazine they ran, Beverly Hill’s Lifestyles. Doug has 51% ownership in the new rag while Lydia only has 49% because the bible says so.

While Doug and Lydia are waiting to photograph the newest housewife Peggy and her husband, Diko, Doug warns Lydia not to give Peggy too big of a hug because he heard she just had a mastectomy. Okay, Doug, you just broke all kinds of HIPPA laws. Not very noble of you, man. Let the photo shoot begin, even though it’s mostly about Diko in his tux. So, Peggy, who is beautiful but noticeably tired, and Lydia sit down. Lydia wastes no time spilling the beans on Peggy’s boobs. Lydia is a hugger, you see, and it was only naturally she would be told confidential information concerning a total stranger’s health. Peggy reveals her mom passed away from breast cancer so when she received a cancerous diagnosis, Peggy made the difficult decision to get a double-mastectomy. Good Lord, the article in the magazine should be about her, am I right?

Guess what, Ryan and Sarah are still together. Who’d a thunk? Tamra is checking out the digs for granddaughter Ava’s first birthday. She’s been staying out of Ryan and Sarah’s shit because it changes more than Ryan’s underwear. Then Tamra makes Sarah feel bad for inviting Briana and her boys to the party because it will make her uncomfortable – because this birthday party is about Grandma Tamra.

We join Kelly Dodd and her husband Michael who are going to the gym after they discuss the fruit flies on the oranges. How’s that for Feng Shui. Kelly says she and Michael are in a better place, but they are still the Bickerson’s. As proof, on the scary ride over to the gym the two argue about Michael nearly causing an accident. Kelly has learned that marriage is hard work, much harder than a day at the gym with her husband who completely annoys her. Aww, baby girl is growing up.

Back at Shannon’s house, her daughter Sophie and her friends are getting their makeup done for a school formal. Shannon gives a head’s up to Sophie about her very short dress and to keep her legs crossed (to married men) when she is sitting down. Sophie makes her grand entrance in her dress, and David says, “Isn’t that dress too short?” Duh, you were standing right there when your wife first announced this. Oh that’s right. David ignores everything Shannon says. My bad.

We are now at Peggy’s house and it is awesome. Peggy is Armenian and has been in Orange County for almost 10 years, and she and Diko have been married for 21. His family emigrated from Beirut and had to start all over. Diko has built an empire that includes many cars. My fav is the Cruella Deville Mercedes. Friends and family arrive to eat the sea food because that’s what being Armenian means. Peggy is the housewives’ version of the Kardashian’s. To show his gratitude that Peggy is okay, Niko gives his wife the gift of a girl’s best friend. In fact, several girl’s best friends. As Peggy puts it, doesn’t suck to be her.

Vicki stops by Briana’s house. This is for the sole purpose to tell us that Briana and the boys are going to Ava’s birthday party without Vicki. Briana says she feels weird and doesn’t want to get into it with any of these bitches. Vicki tells her to leave if things get tough. Spoiler alert: They don’t stay long and Briana says she’ll never talk to Tamra again.

It’s party time! Lydia brings her mom Judy and it’s fairy dust for everyone. Just don’t smoke a joint with her, no telling what kind of fairy dust is in that. Briana and Tamra are avoiding each other and it’s awkward, so Briana leaves after her boys jump in the bounce house once. Tamra shouts when Shannon arrives, like this is some great thing. Tamra introduces Shannon to Lydia. And things go downhill from there.

The first thing Lydia says is she just had lunch with Vicki and got the 411 on everything. Shannon doubts this but says she wants to meet Lydia’s mom, Judy, only ix-nay on the fairy dust. They meet and Judy tells Shannon she has a bright lite and their energy is in tune with one another. So special. Judy will probably write about it in her diary tonight. For now, let’s just throw some confetti over and over.

Tamra is happy to celebrate with her granddaughter, but is sad her daughter Sydney isn’t there. Oh well, Tamra says, maybe next year. While the others have cake, Lydia tells Tamra and Shannon that she had dinner with Vicki. We heard you the first time, Lydia. Tamra explains that their issues with Vicki are not her issues. And that should have shut it down but Shannon picked it up from there. She gives Lydia the 411 on how Vicki should not have said on national television that her husband beat her. Lydia says Tamra and Shannon are acting just like Vicki. Oh crap! On second thought, can Judy bring that joint over? Just tell Shannon it’s organic.

Shannon begins talking, while aggressively dotting the air with her finger. She says that Vicki was in on the lie that her ex-boyfriend Brooks had cancer. But then, get this, Shannon has the gall to blame her 40 pound weight gain on the stress caused by Vicki. Are you kidding me! The “stress” was caused by her cheating husband and their fall from grace. Tamra is just sitting there not willing to join Shannon on the crazy train. Doug walks up and Lydia has never been so happy to see her husband in her entire life. He can have that 1%!

Lydia goes to talk to her mom who claims to be simpatico with Shannon. Lydia tells her mom that simpatico Shannon just yelled at her for no reason. Judy tells Lydia that Shannon yelled because she’s a lost soul and Lydia must be the voice of reason. Okay, we are in serious trouble this season if Lydia is the voice of reason.

Lydia walks up to Tamra to say goodbye, and Shannon is standing right there, but is ignored. Tamra tells Lydia that Shannon is upset because being told she is like Vicki is like telling a woman she’s fat. Lydia says they just met and Shannon was yelling and screaming at her. Shannon says wasn’t yelling and screaming, but the bottom line is this, Lydia is officially on Team Vicki. Shannon storms off and announces she’s done. Well, at least she’s getting some exercise.

Tune in next time to see Shannon throw food across the restaurant – which could be her new diet. Who knows? We’re not judging. Yet.

 

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