The Real Housewives of New York begins by checking in with the ladies, who are herding cats, getting facials, and talking to themselves. Bethenny checks in at Skinnygirl headquarters, and reviews the Mexico trip outline — shooting for tequila infused perfection. An assistant rattles off the “alcoholic field trip” schedule, as Bethenny chatters off her strategy to protect the locals from the Ramona’s verbal diarrhea. We check in with the bigmouth herself, who is meeting Luann for a coffee chat. Ramona isn’t sure if she’s invited to Mexico — but knows that she’ll score the best room, one way or another.
Back at Skinny Central, Carole has stopped by to check in with her sidekick storyline. She excitedly shares about a court battle fought for Adam, who evidently needed his mommy to pry a security deposit out of his landlord. Carole was in her feminist glory, and surely would have kicked ass if the defendant had bothered to show up. The duo catches up on the latest Ramona text tea, and Bethenny is updated on Carole’s scandalous sex schedule.
Meanwhile, Ramona dishes to Lu about her generous gesture of text support to the cast stalkee. Luann advises Ramona to blame her Bethenny blurt on the booze, and to lay it on thick. Ramona ponders this strategy, while wondering if the B-I would really exclude her from the tequila party. Bethenny decides that she will extend a kinda-sorta, half-invite to appease Ramona. Bethenny draws the line at her brand day — determined to keep Ramona’s yapper away from the main event.
We join Sonja, who’s getting scalped down under. She jabbers nervously, over-describing her hairy plight, while the pro adds to the tacky commentary. The uncomfortably forced banter and odd spectacle goes on infinitely too long.
We catch up with Dorinda, who pulled together a dinner as a teaser to the upcoming drama-fest. The ladies gather, and Dorinda bribes Tinsley to hack off some signature curls to refresh her exhausted image. She declines, but is happy to hear that Carole has landed her a new man. Bethenny joins, and debuts a new do — showing Tinsley how it’s done. Ramona is annoyed that Bethenny snubbed her, and Luann is on the edge of her seat, dying to know if Ramona is in or out. The ladies chat freely about the trip, torturing Ramona, whose face has frozen into a bug-eyed grimace.
Luann resigns her position as Ramona’s part-time travel flunky, and pushes Bethenny to make a decision. Bethenny would rather pass — but Ramona will NOT be ignored. Tinsley suddenly announces that she’s moving to a hotel, for two months. She needs to “collect,” escape Sonja’s incessant nagging, and further procrastinate moving her furniture. The subject boings over to Sonja’s over-darkened brows, and Tinsley chimes in that the demanding bitch stole her look. Tinsley’s dramatic relocation decision is hotly debated, and while Sonja claims that she’s happy to reclaim her closet, Tinsley doesn’t buy it. Luann continues to push Bethenny to address Ramona, so Bethenny finally takes the scary plunge.
Bethenny begins a mini-lecture and immediately busts Tinsley for eavesdropping. Bethenny doesn’t know how to handle her disdain for Ramona, but manages to communicate that she does not appreciate her sappy text fakery, and Skinny-brand insults. Ramona can’t decide if Bethenny’s badass mug really wants to make up, so she decides no, and blasts her back for shading her pinot prowess. She follows with a fresh round of scorned ex-wife fury, veering into her divorce — always the foundation for her cuckoo mood shifts. Ramona does not want to be compared to the relationship loser, especially when it comes to their failed marriages. Ramona demands respect and sympathy from Bethenny, forgetting that her goal was a simple ticket to Mexico. Bethenny carefully listens, and informs her that her invitation has been revoked. Ramona declines the diss, but agrees to sit out of the tequila party. Sonja wishes that Ramona would just shut up and respect the boss. Ramona is appalled that Bethenny is unmoved by her sincere emotional outpour, and doesn’t respect THE photo — which obviously proves her legit love. Bethenny is tired of Ramona’s good bitch/bad bitch act, and just wants the real bitch to please stand up.
Ramona launches into a passionate monologue about separated salad dressing — admitting that her mother-smother is not for everyone. Ramona believes that Bethenny lacks soul, but respects her heartless sensibilities. She retracts her drunken Berkshires rant, especially the part about Bethenny spreading her legs to the top. Dorinda just wishes that Ramona would slow the coaster, but it’s too late to hit the brakes. Sonja coaches her from the side, instructing her on how to stroke Bethenny into coughing up a soul and a ticket. Bethenny declares that backing it up won’t do the trick — and Ramona is at her wit’s end. Bethenny comments that Ramona had been nasty, and Ramona gasps, shocked by the incredulous allegation. Bethenny, desperate to stop the circular chatter, suggests an anti-nasty pact, and Ramona almost jumps with joy. Bethenny labels Ramona a Mexican cockroach — and the pact nothing but a pile of bug poop.
We are next treated to a random filler scene — Ramona working out with her trainer. Ramona needs to work off some wine drenched lard, but seems to enjoy chit-chatting more than exercising. We’re abruptly jolted to a double date with Adam and Carole, along with Scott, the single who has been set up with Tinsley. Tinsley’s curls bounce in, and she immediately smothers them all with tipsy jibber-jabber. She’s ecstatic to see that her date is cute, and thrilled to discover a vodka love-connection.
Tinsley has broken out her sluttiest tights, and entertains them all by slurring excitedly about her high drama marriage. Scott appears mildly alarmed, but plays along. Tinsley is thrilled with nerdy Scott, and proclaims him a winner. Tinsley gushes about her love for all things boozy, and how her personality is sharpened by being a lush. Carole yanks her away and tells her to can the drunk chatter about her ex. Tinsley whips off her wedding ring, and lays a wet one on Scott to celebrate.
The episode wraps with a round of cast packing, and Ramona’s repeat wish for peace with the tequila hostess. Dorinda almost forgets to bring a bathing suit — and no viewer is surprised.
Next week the cast travels to Mexico — and the drama heats up!