#RHOC Recap: ‘I’m Embarrassed Of My Body!’ Shannon Beador’s Husband Is Repulsed By Her Weight Gain

They’re baaack! The Real Housewives of Orange County are back for Season 12. Can I get a woo-hoo! We’ve lost a fancy housewife, gained an even fancier one, and two who rank “meh” on the fancy scale have returned. Let’s start the fun! We begin with Shannon and there is more of her to love. Much more. Like double the fun. Apparently Shannon is drinking and eating her way through her pain. She and David are still in their rental home and have new dog Archie, who doesn’t listen to Shannon either. Nothing’s changed with David. He’s still dismissive and distant. The quinoa is fine, okay? It’s fine and that’s all you’re going to get. Maybe Shannon should eat David and jog around the world.

Over at Vicki’s soon-to-be old office, Kelly Dodd has stopped by. They have a good laugh over Tamra’s fitness competition last season. Kelly says it was a race among pigs and she’d rather watch paint dry. Wow, Kelly. Pigs have feelings, you know. Vicki says she hasn’t heard from Tamra since last year’s reunion. Flashbacks are shown of many of the vicious moments. Kelly tells Vicki that Shannon and Tamra owe her an apology. Not likely to happen and Vicki is happy just being most popular.

Up next is Tamra and she is still preaching about her faith. She turns up at Lydia’s house for bible study. You remember Lydia, right? She’s the bible-thumper who needs to eat a cheeseburger, according to Slade. Why they brought her back I have no idea. Lydia ignores her other guests to dote on Tamra in the kitchen. She learns that Tamra and Vicki haven’t spoken in eight months. Lydia will pray from them. Tamra tells Lydia that Vicki is repeating the rumor that Eddie is gay – something we’ve heard ever since we first met Eddie, but Tamra says this rumor is disgusting and hurtful. I smell revenge of biblical proportions! In the meantime, Tamra explains she will be praying for Kelly as well, but in this case pray is code for: bitch slap her. Lydia recommends they all go out to lunch and sing kumbaya. Lydia says she’ll call Vickie and set it up. Tamra again says she’s going to pray about it which is code for: must consume alcohol.

Meghan has returned to the OC from the KC with her daughter Aspen and husband, what’s his name, the sports guy. Meghan also has a new puppy she’s just as excited about. The shocking news is Jimmy seems to be very attentive dad to his daughter. The couple change Aspen’s clothes together and argue over the outfit and shoes. They are back to being the Bickerson’s. This won’t get old at all.

Back to bible-study. Let’s all learn something together. The question is, have you ever felt abandoned by God? Tamra shares the situation with her daughter because everyone already knows about it. It’s been 3 ½ years and Sydney is now 18 and will only communicate with her mother through text. But Tamra knows God has a plan for them. The nice women in the bible-study encourage Tamra to continue her faith because until she quits the show, her daughter will continue to ignore her. Can I get an amen?

At Vicki’s house, we meet her new man Steve who arrives with red roses. Vicki admits that in the past she hasn’t always made great choices in the love department, but good ole Steve has been in the picture for almost a year and so far so good. Vicki spills a jar of cocktail sauce on Steve’s white, linen shirt, but it’s okay. Steve is a retired homicide detective, he’s had plenty of “cocktail sauce” on him. But here’s the best news, Briana likes Steve and wants to know when the two will get married. Hint, hint.

We are now at Kelly’s house as she yells and yells and yells for her mom, Bobbi. Kelly tells Bobbi that her doctor, who loves her btw, wants her to have a vaginal rejuvenation on her hoo-haw because it’s called maintenance. Bobbi has no interest in tightening anything or dating, so quit pushing – which is why you need your vajayjay rejuvenated. As for things between Kelly and Michael, they are still a work in progress and will always be. Time for a Kelly joke – What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liquor cabinet. I really want Kelly to try standup. Won’t that be fun?

Finally we check in on Briana – the voice of reason in a group of crazy women. Unfortunately, Briana may be losing that status. She is sole care giver for two very active toddlers because her husband Ryan is still in Oklahoma trying to get his medical retirement. Vicki is great as a surrogate, but let’s face it, Briana needs her husband and the boys need their father. In the meantime, Briana is so excited her mom is dating a good man because that’s one less thing to worry about.

Over at Cut Fitness, Tamra is hard at work on her bootie when Eddie walks in and doesn’t really check it out. Tamra’s ready to redecorate the gym, but shouldn’t that be Eddie’s department? Next, Tamra tells Eddie about potentially going to lunch with Lydia and Vicki. Eddie is like, Say what Girlfriend? He doesn’t want Tamra to go. Tamra says she has no desire to be around Vicki, but we all know Tamra likes a good showdown.

Since we last saw Lydia she’s had another child. She and her husband, Doug, have three boys now and live in Newport. Lydia is overwhelmed with her kids, but no longer lives across the street from her pot smoking mom. At least it’s legal now. On the surface everyone looks happy, living large, but time will tell if that’s really the case.

Shannon and her daughter Sophie are shopping for dresses with Tamra and her niece Kacey, since her daughter won’t film with her. All the dresses are cute, so cute, so very cute. Time to get a big girl dictionary. Shannon refuses to buy “fat clothes” because she won’t give in to the weight so instead she’ll buy size 8’s she’ll never wear. Shannon tells Tamra she hates working out unless she’s walking to the refrigerator. Tamra needs to help a friend out.

It’s lunchtime! Bring on the hate. Goofy Lydia runs up to hug Vicki. The place they are dining is where Tamra was baptized and Vicki claimed she was “nailed to the cross.” Vicki and Lydia tell each other that although they haven’t spoken in forever, they follow each other on social media, so that’s the same. But things turn serious. Vicki explains she is not a con artist and she did not repeat that Eddie is gay to negate Brooks’ lies. Lydia says they hurt each other so much because they love each other so much. Lydia should always wear flowers in her hair, am I right? Vicki says it’s simple, if they won’t be nice to her, she won’t be nice to them.

Tune in next time when Lydia’s stoned mom tells Shannon she’s a bright light, but a lost soul.

What did you think of the RHOC premier? Did anything surprise or disappoint you? Did you even notice Heather wasn’t there? Do you think Meghan and Lydia were good choices to bring back? Sound off.

 

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