Welcome to the season finale of Little Women LA. We made it! First up is Terra and Jasmine smashing tennis balls instead of their husbands’ egos. They discuss Terra and her bullshit drama with Christy and Elena. Terra the deflector says Matt and Briana have it so much worse right now, it makes her problems seem insignificant. Umm, no it doesn’t. Jasmine says she knows a way to solve everything. She’s throwing an 80’s Prom party because Polly-Anna thinks this will surely make everything all better.
Briana and Matt have moved yet again. We learn Briana has scheduled an appointment for them with her therapist so Matt will never ever cheat again. Like that’s going to happen. Try a hypnotist. Or a lobotomy. In the meantime, Briana has found fault with the invite to Jasmine’s 80’s Prom party. Briana was told she could bring a date. Unfortunately her date will be her husband, Matt. She hasn’t seen the girls since the Alaskan incident. Briana says that if Matt won’t take her to the prom, she won’t go and she’ll just stay home, which was probably similar to her real prom.
Elsewhere, Elena and Jasmine meet to talk and touch their hair. Elena says she’s sick of Terra and her bitchy ways. Jasmine has a suggestion. Since Alaska and the dinner both didn’t work out, how about an 80’s Prom night. I mean what could go wrong? Jasmine wants to invite everyone and their families and give their friendships one more shot (of liquor).
Back at Jasmine’s house, she is doing it all now that Chris has gone back to work. Jasmine has decided not to return to work and instead become a stay-at-home mom. Her mom is there and tells her she will help Jasmine whenever she’s needed. Glad you asked G-Ma because Jasmine has a failed 80’s party to plan. Jasmine tells her mom about Briana, the little woman in denial about her cheating dirt bag of a husband. Jasmine’s mom suggests that if this is how Matt behaves in public, think what he’s like when no one is looking. G-Ma is one smart lady.
It’s therapy time! And things get off to a very interesting start. Briana tries to explain their situation to the therapist, but Matt rolls right over her to explain what went down in Alaska. Let’s just say there was lots of note-taking by the therapist. And here’s what went down: Matt was minding his own business in the hotel bar when a woman brought him to a different part of the hotel to kiss him and yada, yada, yada, three hours later they said goodbye. The therapists asks if this will happen again. Matt is thinking, With any luck it will, but says he doesn’t want it to happen again. In her testimonial, Briana says if this does happen again, they will be done. (Cough, bullshit.) Briana says she’s not sure if she can be vulnerable again, but hey, they are #crazyinlove.
Tonya and Terra are shopping for prom dresses. The dress Tonya wants doesn’t fit and Terra claims it as her own. Heifer bitch. They discuss ring shopping with Kerwin and if Tonya has told her daughter yet. Tonya sounds defensive about the topic of marriage, but claims Kerwin is her heart. Tonya changes the subject to Terra and her bitter battles with Elena and Christy. Tonya tells Terra to get over the fact the Christy filed a police report. It’s not like Terra went to jail.
Over at Terra and Joe’s house they discuss whether they should find out if their son Tasmanian is Pseudo. Joe says no and Terra says yes. No surprise there. Terra promises if she finds out her son is Pseudo she won’t treat him differently – like Elena does – according to Terra. Joe tells Terra family is the only thing that matters and not the stupid stuff his wife is constantly fighting about for a paycheck so he doesn’t have to work.
Christy is dress shopping, so Elena stops by to be the mouthpiece since Christy can’t talk. She types out on her phone questioning why Elena doesn’t want to go to the prom. Elena says she doesn’t want to see Terra or Matt. And who can blame her. But we know Elena will go because it’s the season finale. The question is, will she bring Preston. Poor guy has been a no-show lately.
It’s party time! And a prom queen and king will be crowned tonight. But Tonya and Jasmine are playing the invisible game when it comes to Matt being there. And you can bet they told their men not to talk to Matt either. (Insert whipping sound.) The good news is Preston aka Rick James is there to party like a Super Freak! Elena says hello to Joe, but not to Terra and her rat-nest pink wig. The theme should be winter wonderland.
Tonya tells her daughter Angelique about the ring shopping excursion and how she is settling for a two carat ring instead of a three carat. Angelique tells her mom it’s stupid to buy a ring you can’t afford. Preach, girl! She asks Tonya if she is anticipating doing something like getting married when she knows she’s not ready. Preach again, girl!
So guess who shows up late to make a grand entrance. Mutt and
Smelly Briana. Neither of them look 80’s. Briana shaved the side of her head and says she’s a rock star rebel. At least she didn’t claim to be fierce. Briana tells the girls she and Matt have started counseling. Reason? Briana says she freaks out for no reason. Mmm-hmm. Terra says that no matter how crazy Briana is, and she’s cray-cray for sure, it still doesn’t give Matt the right to cheat on her. Briana says this is the last time, until the next time it happens, then that will be the last time. But hey, let’s party like it’s 1986!
Christy’s voice has recovered and she and Elena are talking about what to do with Terra. Elena says it might be best to eliminate her friendship. This is like elixir to Christy’s raw throat. Christy asks Briana why she didn’t dress 80’s and Briana says it’s because she and Matt are in the middle of a move. After Elena confirms the move includes Matt, she asks the question inquiring minds want to know: WHY? Because they are married and it’s their choice. Tonya has heard enough from this heifer and walks off. When Briana says she needs to learn how to handle things differently, Elena is like, OMG girl, your husband is a douche-bag and I never vant to be around him again.
It’s time to announce queen and king. It’s Kerwin and Tonya. Didn’t see this coming a mile away. Kerwin gets down on one knee and pops the question with a two-carat ring. Tonya, after some hesitation, says yes.
That’s it for the season. Hope you enjoyed deconstructing their motivations as much as I did. Thanks you for all of your comments. Here are the updates:
Briana and Matt have committed to an intense couples therapy program (because they need the money and to be relevent). Briana believes their love will conquer all…this time.
Tonya is planning a Little Boss Body wedding line (so it can sit in her garage, too). Kerwin wants to get married as soon as possible. Angelique hopes her mom will be a runaway bride.
Terra is looking to start her next big project (not a book tour) renovating their new home. She just has to convince Joe first (like he has a say).
Christy’s near death experience continues to affect her life (so she now has an excuse for everything). She may have lost the ability to speak loudly…but not her voice.
Elena wants to expand her empire by trying for a third child (and doing everything the opposite of Terra). Preston is up for the challenge.
Jasmine is ready to pursue her dream of being a Latin pop star (even though she just bragged about being a stay at home mom). Her first album will not have “Fierce” in the title.
Tune in next week for the reunion if for no other reason than to meet the woman Matt cheated with in Alaska!