We return to Little Women LA smack dab in the middle of Briana and Matt’s fight over Matt’s extra-curricular activities with the woman from the bar. Matt has finally admitted to kissing this mystery woman who refused to be filmed, but blames Briana because he’s a loser. Briana tells him they are getting a divorce…again. Yawn. How many times have we heard this? Get this, Matt says he’s done trying his best. What a joke. Matt only tries his best when he’s been caught.
Speaking of hand in the cookie jar, Matt then admits to making out for 10 minutes with the bar woman, but no clothes came off, like that makes a difference at this point. Matt and Briana accuse each other of not having respect for the sanctity of marriage each other. Jasmine is ready to go home, Christy tells Briana she doesn’t have to pay alimony, and Terra says this is text-book abusive behavior…and she should know! To add insult, Matt threatens Briana with an embarrassing video of her losing her shit. Briana says she’s done with Matt, but we know she’s not.
Unfortunately the boat ride is not over and we are still stuck on it. How many littles does it take to throw one average off a boat? The answer should be one, but Briana is wallowing in self-pity. She tells the girls she is crazy and goes off on Matt every week. The girls tell Briana she trusts people too easily.
On the other side of the boat, Matt, Joe and Todd are sitting around pondering life. Matt says there’s nothing for him in California so he’s going back to Washington. Bye! Don’t let the door hit you. But Joe reminds him, “Dude you have a little baby.” To which Matt says, “And a crazy wife.” The girls discuss what good friends they are now (that’s a laugh) and the bonding trip was a complete failure success. So what that Briana’s marriage is in the crapper? It has always been in the crapper, it just took this for Briana to notice that Matt is the crap. Flush him away, girl!
Back in their hotel room, Briana gives Matt one more chance to apologize. Matt says he was unwilling to apologize to Briana in front of a group of women who have no clue how crazy Briana is and how hard he tries every day to make it okay. Matt finally says he’s sorry for being stupid. Apology not accepted! Matt tells Briana they need serious help and Briana says she needs to know he will never cheat again no matter how crazy she gets. Matt tells Briana he wants to leave Alaska and wants her to leave with him. And the wench does.
Elena is excited to be home with Preston and the boys and tells him the trip was horrible, but she wants to organize dinner for the girls because she apparently doesn’t have enough bull$hit in her own life. Over at Jasmine and Chris’ place they say they had a good time in Alaska even with the abominable snowman named Terra. Jasmine wants to have a private intervention with Terra since the other one was cancelled due to Briana and Matt being all selfish like that.
Back in LA, we’re ring shopping with Tonya and Kerwin. She wants a three carat ring despite the 30-thousand price tag. Tonya is dizzy from the size of the check she will have to write because it ain’t like Kerwin has a job. Kerwin says the only thing that should cost 30K should come with a GPS and steering wheel. The couple agree to downgrade to two carats and Tonya and Kerwin kiss even though they have no clue how they are going to pay for it.
Jasmine and Terra meet up for the mini-intervention. They discuss Briana and how crazy she is for being #crazyinlove with Matt. If only there was a marriage rehab reality show those two could go on in the name of a paycheck. Jasmine admits that the intervention was her idea because Terra has become a massive bitch. Terra says she’s never done anything wrong…to her. Jasmine tells Terra posting the midget video of Christy once again makes her look bitter because the only reason she did it was to get back at Christy for not signing the book that doesn’t exist release form.
the psychos’ Briana and Matt’s house, they are moving yet again, and Briana has decided she is a ride-or-die kind of girl, but she and Matt will go to therapy so that will make everything all better. That and lots of make-up sex. Briana says so far she’s only heard from Elena, none of the so-called friends have reached out.
It’s dysfunctional dinner time! The ladies trickle in and Christy has to bring a writing board because she can’t talk. Briana is a no-show. Yay! After learning about the ring shopping excursion, the girls pummel Tonya with questions about her wedding and who will be in it even though Kerwin hasn’t technically popped the question yet. Terra asks Christy to go outside so she can talk and Christy can’t. Terra plays the victim for showing the midget video like this was some personal attack on her.
Christy ignores doctor’s orders and tries to tell Terra off. Terra tells Christy, “Sorry I’m not sorry” and admits again this was all about her not signing Terra’s book release and the police report from two seasons back. Terra tells Christy she doesn’t want to forgive her, but wants to move on. Then Terra tells Christy she’s an idiot and Christy bolts.
Back inside, Terra tells the girls Christy went ballistic and walked off and it had nothing to do with her. Elena calls Terra a hypocrite and tells her the Alaska trip was a disaster because of her. Again, Terra will not accept responsibility for a damn thing. She says it was Christy who ruined the Alaska trip, not her. Elena and Terra get in a screaming match about who did what and Jasmine tells Terra that everyone has a problem with her – not Christy. Elena has had enough, gets up and walks out, but Terra follows. And so do the others.
Outside, Terra tells Elena she is rude to care more about Christy than about her and this is the worst thing ever. Bitch, please! You brought this on yourself. Once again Elena and Terra have a screaming match. Terra says ever since Elena’s kids’ baptism, and the fact that Elena lied about who will be the Godparents, things have been bad between them. Of course, things were bad between them before that, during DWTS, but Terra’s head was up her ass and didn’t notice. Elena yells that she “can’t stand your f&%$ing tears anymore, Terra” and walks off for a second time.
Tune in next time to see Briana and Matt fudge their way through therapy and an 80’s party because little girls just want to have fun.