The season finale of Southern Charm is here. It feels like only a couple of weeks ago Cameran Eubanks bought her scary hoodoo dolls.
Anyway, we’re back in Key West, celebrating Cameran’s 33rd birthday. While the girls hang out on the beach, the boys took a catamaran to the water slide. Craig Conover tries to text his girlfriend Naomie, but she leaves for Charleston without saying goodbye. Kathryn Dennis joins Elizabeth and Danni on the beach. They rehash last night’s dinner, where Landon Clements apologized to Kathryn for taking her place on her planned Valentine’s Day weekend with Thomas Ravenel. Elizabeth questions Landon’s sincerity. Danni feels that Landon is truly sorry because when Kathryn and Thomas argued over breakfast that morning, Landon took Kathryn’s side.
Speaking of the giggler, Landon emerges from the hotel and joins Cam to lounge in the sun. Landon says she finally understands Kathryn’s point of view and pities the younger woman who doesn’t get to see her kids on a daily basis. She acknowledges that Thomas uses his power to push Kathryn’s buttons.
Later that night, some of the Charmed Ones board the bus to head for dinner. The rest of the group — Shep Rose, Landon, Craig, Whitney Sudler-Smith, and JD — ride scooters through town. At the restaurant, Kathryn takes the opportunity to speak with Thomas. She tells him that icing her out of the kids’ lives is hurtful. Thomas has been paying the lawyers $10,000 a month to protect his kids from Kathryn’s custody. She wants to mediate, and he agrees. In his voice over, Thomas says Kathryn has to prove herself over the long haul.
Inside, Danni faints and falls to the floor. Thomas calls 911 and brings the first responders into the restaurant. Danni is wheeled out, still unconscious. JD gets a call from Elizabeth, and the scooter posse pull off the road to find out that Danni has been taken to the hospital.
Later, Cam gets a text from Danni, who was simply dehydrated. Everyone meets up to have dinner. Thomas mumbles under his bourbon breath that he wants to be as far away from Landon as possible. He doesn’t like the fact that she made up with Kathryn and then took his ex’s side that morning. Landon calls Thomas out for being passive aggressive and asks that they sit through dinner without throwing verbal darts at one another.
Everyone orders food, wine, and cocktails. Speaking of cock, Chelsea Meissner reminds Austen Kroll not to overindulge so that he can perform later that night. During dinner, Craig asks Whitney and Austen a philosophical question: if they had to give up cheese or oral sex for the rest of their life, which would they choose. The other men said cheese would be off the menu for good, but our odd little duck, Craig, loves his cheddar too much!
The next morning, Chelsea wakes Austen to go for an early morning swim before heading back to Charleston. Shep greets Danni, and he’s still drunk. Not only that, he’s guzzling down beer after beer. The Charmers had the bus swing by the hospital the night before to pick up Danni. She’s embarrassed to have caused a fuss.
Cam grabs Craig from his room and leads him to the sun loungers. Cam tells him that he needs to speak to Naomie with more respect. Everyone sees that he talks down to her, and it’s not right. Craig admits that therapy actually made their relationship worse. But once Naomie left for Charleston, Craig had a great time. Cam says that Craig is coming off like an asshole, even though Naomie puts him down in private. Shep interrupts their conversation by bringing a fresh beer along with biscuits and gravy for Cam. Shep slurs his words and then sneezes on Cameran.
Back in Charleston, life resumes as normal. Thomas drops in at JD’s office and talks about Landon. He doesn’t understand why she didn’t take his side and instead rushed to Kathryn’s defense. He feels that the woman he chooses should always have his back — even if he’s wrong, damn it! He wants a woman who’s privileged and honored to be with him. Landon has fallen out of the circle of trust. He’ll be cordial to her from now on, but nothing more.
Landon visits her sister, Bam. She reads aloud a text sent that morning by Thomas, quoting Pride and Prejudice. It seems that once Thomas’s good opinion is lost, it’s lost forever. Landon now sees traits in Thomas that remind her of her ex-husband, and she’s no longer attracted to him.
Naomie and Kathryn have dinner. Kathryn was worried about Craig on the trip. Naomie says that for the last three months they haven’t been getting along. She feels the need to cut Craig down to size. Kathryn points out that Craig is in limbo with his career. Naomie covered for him when he lied about finishing law school last year. Now that he’s actually doing what she’s asked of him, she wants to punish him. Naomie says she’s been horrible to Craig behind closed doors. Kathryn gives Naomie words of wisdom, saying she needs to build Craig up, not tear him down.
Cameran has a talk with her mom. She’s given up on her zen den. The guest room might be a future nursery, as Cam has gone off her birth control. Her mother confides that she never wanted kids, but had them anyway, and she’s never regretted that choice. Cameran is still afraid that her life is going to change, and not for the better. Her mother tears up and speaks of the wonders of motherhood.
Craig finally buckles down and starts to study for the bar, while Naomie finishes her finals. Naomie takes responsibility for her part in the deterioration of their relationship and apologizes. Craig’s anger is cold and calm. He thinks Naomie doesn’t love him as much as he loves her. He tells her that he’s not happy. He thinks she’s disgusted by him, and he’s had enough. When she says she doesn’t want to break up, he decides to give her another chance.
At Thomas’s house, Kathryn arrives and he can’t get over her rocking bod. Though the kids are home in the guest house, Kathryn isn’t allowed to see them. Thomas thinks Kathryn is too volatile sometimes, but he’s seeing a few changes in her. She finally feels they’re on equal footing. He leaves the door open for them getting back together. He gives her pictures of the kids with Santa and then misquotes Gone with the Wind. They hug, clinging to each other as Thomas takes a sniff of her neck.
As a goodbye to JD’s restaurant, the Charmed Ones gather for the final party. Shep brings the girl he dated briefly last season, Bailey. Even Whitney’s mom, Patricia Altschul, shows up. Landon greets a very icy Thomas. Patty is disappointed that the two didn’t make a love connection.
Naomie confides in Chelsea, saying Kathryn and Thomas not only met, but they kissed. Cameran finds out and tells Whitney. Landon is the next to get the tea, and she thinks Kathryn is simply trying to keep to keep Thomas happy. Thomas being her meal ticket and all. As soon as Kathryn shows up, Patricia leaves.
At dinner, Chelsea is confused about which fork to use. Shep reaches out and thanks Craig for staying behind when he missed his connecting flight to Charleston. Shep was too drunk to board the plane, and Craig stayed to help. Shep doesn’t even remember getting in an argument after he spilled water on a stranger. Not only that, Shep got a chicken bone stuck in his throat. Craig didn’t want to leave Shep alone, fearing he might get into serious trouble.
After dinner, Austen leaves Chelsea and talks to Bailey. Eventually, Bailey sits on his lap. Austen kisses her cheek, and says he doesn’t know about his future with Chelsea. She has too many walls. Chelsea looks on in disgust as Baiely hugs Austen and pets his chest. When he returns to the table, Chelsea lets him have it. He didn’t realize his actions would upset her. He asks if she wants to be exclusive or if they should end things because she’s too scared to get serious. Austen tells her how much he cares for her, and they decide to finally define their relationship.
Craig brings up the dinner in Key West, where he tried to mediate peace between Kathryn and Landon. He wants everyone to get along, but they have to stop putting a Band-Aid on the problems. Landon says her fake, surface relationship with Kathryn is fine the way it is. Shep tells Craig to mind his own business. When Shep won’t stop mocking, Craig punches him in the leg. Shep calls Kathryn over, asking for confirmation that Craig is a horrible mediator. Craig calls Shep a drunk asshole. Shep winds up storming out of the restaurant.
Craig stays and dances the night away with Naomie. Thomas drunkenly flirts with Kathryn, squeezing her leather-clad legs. They admit they still care about each other as the other Charmed Ones look on. In fact, Kathryn says she still loves him. Hopefully, she won’t wind up pregnant again, right?
So, who’s worse — Shep or Craig? What was your take on the season? Do you like the additions of Chelsea and Austen?