We return to Little Women LA during the mid-meltdown of Terra, right after she cops to being a vindictive bitch to Christy for not signing her book release. Terra calls Christy fake, fake, fake, but I think we can all agree Terra is acting cray, cray, cray. The poor innocent people who are just minding their own business at the resort can’t believe this foolishness. Tonya and Briana stay behind to calm Terra’s ass down while Christy, Jasmine and Elena walk away. Terra says everything that has ever gone wrong in her life can be traced back to Christy. Meanwhile, Elena tells Christy she should have signed the book release and called it a day – you know, roll over and take it – then Christy would have been allowed to be on the cast trip. I mean, it’s not like she’s on a reality show and the viewers are expecting all of them to go on the cast trip. Jasmine speaks for the whole group when she says Terra was wrong to release the midget video for a second time. Looks like this bonding trip is getting off to a frosty start.
Tonya and Christy go for a short walk in snow shoes. Tonya kind of blames Christy for the fight on the dock and Christy asks why she should be the one to walk on eggshells? Terra is the town bully who steals book titles and walks out on christening parties. Tonya finally gets it. Her best heifer friend is out of control. Hooray.
The group sets aside their fighting to visit an Alaskan Native Heritage Center. But it’s boring to Terra so she asks Briana if they can talk. So, I’m thinking, Terra has no friends and wants to reach out to Briana so at least one person doesn’t hate her. But that’s not what it’s about. Turns out, last night Joe and Matt went to the hotel bar until it closed at midnight. Joe went to his room, but Matt did not. Earlier, he and Briana had a fight and once again Briana told Matt she wanted a divorce. Sometime after midnight, Briana went looking for Mat and found him and at the bar with another woman.This made Briana feel “uncomfortable,” so Matt escorted Briana back to their room. But this made Matt feel “justified,” (enter emoji with smirking face) to go out for a three-hour walk. A three-hour walk between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 a.m., in the freezing Alaskan night. Matt then returned to their room at 4:00 a.m. Briana says when they woke up, they had the most amazing make-up sex ever, and this means everything is okay (enter emoji w/ eye-popping face). Terra asked about Briana and Matt’s sex life, but I put my fingers in my ears and screamed, La,la,la,la,la.
Back at the Native American education man-hut, Terra is bored and put off by the seal- intestine skylight. Here’s something interesting, Todd has lost 50 pounds and is right this minute able to eat solid foods for the first time. He not only eats the jerky, he double-downs on the jerky. Hopefully Christy packed the Pepto. After it’s over, Terra and Joe ask Kerwin to hang back for a pow-wow about putting a ring on it. Kerwin says he and Tonya can’t get married until he provides a three-carat ring on her heifer finger. Terra thinks Tonya is being a bougie-bitch, like she’s some kind of gem herself.
Briana and Matt are having a quiet night of room service to reset the button on their trip. Sex made everything all better. Briana tells Matt she wanted him to come back to the room last night. Matt says, Then why’d you send a bunch of angry emoji’s. Matt patiently explains that his bad behavior is Briana’s fault – and that’s why he took a three-hour walk to clear his head. Technically, a brain Matt’s size should take 20 minutes to clear, but that’s not what this is about.
As a side note: can I just say that Terra’s horn-head-hair in the testimonials looks ridiculous? Almost as ridiculous as the ladies trying to snowboard. Over hot chocolate, Tonya, Jasmine and Elena discuss their belief that Terra needs an anger intervention but they are afraid, and they should be. Elena thinks an intervention is extreme, but so was her attitude during DWTS.
Terra and Tonya take a sight-seeing helicopter right. I dare Tonya to have that intervention now. On a glacier, Terra tells Tonya how wrong it was for her to ask for a three-carat diamond ring from Kerwin. Tonya admits she’s scared. Tonya then gives Terra a heads up about the intervention coming her way like she didn’t have anything to do with planning it. Terra blames everything on Christy trying to send her to jail two seasons ago, even though Tonya listed all the times Terra had acted like a fool.
The following day, Terra says she’s mad and sad about some news she has. However, if Terra were being honest she’d mention how very happy she is because she’s got a Get Out of Intervention Free card. The news is about Matt and the other woman from the bar. Terra tells Tonya about the rumors that Matt did the nasty with this woman. Tonya advises Terra not to tell Briana because of her ride-or-die ways and inability to listen to criticism about Matt. But we know Terra will. It’s on!
Time for the boat ride showdown! The glaciers are gorgeous, the water is calm, but here comes the avalanche. Terra wants to talk to Briana, and the other ladies — no men allowed. She shows Briana the picture of the woman seen with Matt, at the bar. Briana confirms, it’s the same woman she saw with Matt. Terra tells her “according to what she’s heard around the hotel,” Matt had three-hour sex with this woman while he was supposedly clearing his head. Briana instantly goes into denial mode and calls the bathroom pot-smoking woman a homewrecker and announces her upcoming ass-whooping. Elena sums it up best when she points out the problem is, “Your husband cannot keep his d*ck in his pants.”
Briana marches downstairs and demands to know what happened, right NOW, because their marriage is on the line! The other men hide. Briana fires out the details Terra told her, like a machine gun on the loose. Matt responds with, “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” and denies everything. No pot-smoking. No going into her room. No nothing of any sort…except a kiss. Oopsie, did he forget to mention this the first five times Briana asked? Briana explodes and flies into a screaming rage, while her rat cheater husband stands there expressionless. She throws her gloves in Matt’s face and makes it clear their marriage is over. She tells him, had she known he touched another woman, she would not have had sex with him the next day.
Then Matt does what all narcissist do and turns this around on Briana. See the lighthouse flicker? Matt says if she wants him to leave, he will, but Briana had better freaking mean it this time. Please, Briana, kick him off the boat and out of your life!
Tune in next weekend to see all the women pounce on Matt for being the scumbag he is.