Welcome back to the Bermuda triangle with The Real Housewives of Potomac. We are on a bus with Robyn, Ashley, and Charrisse, and her make-up guy, Greg who is the strong, silent type, on our way to the marina. Robyn is telling everyone how she gave Karen a reading and called her a hypocrite like she’s some kind of bad ass. Charrisse is the host of the sunset cruise, but secretly hopes Karen misses the boat.
When they arrive on the giant catamaran, Charrisse announces to the “elite” people she’s double-fisting it tonight. She receives a kiss from an unknown man and becomes stiffer than her Courvoisier on ice. The other girls arrive and Monique and Gizelle hug for the ladies to ohh and aww over now the fact that Karen’s meddling worked…for now. Time to fix Robyn up! There are several cute men on the boat, unfortunately that’s not the guy who wants to meet Robyn. Charrisse sets it up and Robyn asks him, “Are you sure it isn’t Gizelle?” Gizelle totally dodged a bullet. Turns out, this guy shaves his legs, so obviously we can’t trust him. And his sprained ankle? Sex mishap with a fan? Next!
Ashley is where she usually is, at the bar, schooling Karen about leaving her out of the day trip with Gizelle and Monique. She doesn’t recognize this peace-maker, Karen, and thinks she’s hiding something. Maybe her marriage is in the crapper, too! Gizelle asks Charrisse and Karen to kiss and makeup so their entire vacation doesn’t suck. Karen gives Charrisse a non-apology and Charrisse tells Karen to apologize the right way, by saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Charrisse thinks all the ladies with no hairline need therapy.
After the boat trip, the ladies split up. Monique joins Karen in her room. The rest go to Charrisse’s suite and bitch about Karen. Charrisse drops what she thinks is a bomb and announces Karen has purchased a home from foreclosure. Most people would call that a good deal, but in Potomac that’s a reason to shame someone. Karen tells Monique she’s over her friendship with Charrisse.
Clips are shown of the ladies checking in at home. Ashley and her broken nail calls her husband, Michael, but he’s too busy to hear that his wife misses him. Karen calls to check in on Ray but he’s too busy overseeing their move to Great Falls. WTF? Couldn’t that wait until she got back?
Off to watch a cricket game surrounded by attractive men “for Robyn.” These women have no idea a cricket game can last days. The men are swarming the ladies. Did you know, in Bermuda, age is just a number? Good thing because Gizelle has met a hottie. Goodbye Kevin. Another guy is chatting up Robyn but she is checked out. And the tired aggravation between Karen and Charrisse is lasting longer than the longest cricket game.
It’s the final night in Bermuda and Karen and Charrisse try again with an apology talk. Karen explains they need to show a united front because the other ladies look to them for leadership. Charrisse decides to cut Karen some slack since her “little friend,” is having trouble finding a house in Potomac.
Robyn, Gizelle, and Ashley show up in their PJ’s for pajama night. Monique shows up and says she needs help with her night. Oh woe is her. She’s having trouble transferring her utilities from one house to the other. Oh the horror! How did we ever get a man on the moon? The food arrives and in between bites of chicken wings, Monique explains that her rap career came to an abrupt end because she wouldn’t play to pay. The ladies all give samples of their rapping skills and it’s clear, none of the ladies will be asked to put out.
We are back on the mainland and Robyn has an appointment to disappoint her therapist with the news she didn’t go on a date and was a WTF – Whole Total Failure. How long did it take Robyn to come up with that? Robyn says she just wasn’t open to the male attention in Bermuda because her heart is at home, though she hasn’t discussed this with Juan. Her therapist asks Robyn if she wants to live or just keep existing. Ouch!
Ashley is there to have a meeting with her boss husband and staff, but Michael dismisses the staff so he can speak with his employee wife first. Turns out, while Ashley was away, a new girl was at play at the restaurant, making changes. They goal is, according to Michael, modify Ashley’s role as the manager of his restaurant. Michael pitches it as a promotion, when truthfully the restaurant is a cock-blocker. Ashley agrees and convinces herself she likes the change. She hints at having sex on the desk with Michael, but no way do we believe that.
Yay the champagne room is ready for the unveiling! Here come the girls dressed to the nine’s as a butler answers the door wearing white gloves. Charrisse is dressed like the theme was 70’s mother earth. Karen hasn’t arrived yet, so Gizelle tells everyone that two hours after they got back from Bermuda, Karen had already moved into her new-to-her home. Everyone is stunned. They begin to ponder if the black Bill Gates is really the broke Bill Gates.
As Charrisse cuts the ribbon, she explains that her therapist told her she needs to do something for nice herself. She probably meant get a scoop of ice cream, but Charrisse read it a different way. The door is opened and transformation is really cool. It’s not a big champagne room, only four chairs fit, a wall of champagne bottles, and a crystal chandelier, but Monique swears the chairs are perfect for “riding” in them. Charrisse says there will be no sex in the champagne room and sadly, I believe her.
Karen finally tells the girls about the move to Great Falls. The ladies are like, Say what? You never said you were leaving Potomac. Karen tells them for now she is renting until the perfect home comes up or she builds. Ashley doesn’t understand. Monique managed to find a great house for a mere $5 million, why can’t Karen find something in Potomac. Ashley tells Karen goodbye to being the Grande Dame. Karen is unfazed. A
peasant Ashley can’t dethrone the Grande Dame until she bestows it on someone else, and calls Ashley an idiot. Shut up Ashley!
Tune in next week for the season finale party and to see the new digs for the Grande Dame of Not Potomac. Spoiler alert: it includes a meltdown.