The Real Housewives of New York begins at Sonja’s place, where she is entertaining her French beau, Edgar. Sonja is in mid-panic, because their romance is veering into one-man territory, even though she has another live one on the line. Tinsley dishes that Edgar was meant for her, before Sonja jacked him out from under her. Edgar is a keeper, because he agrees that food and sex trump monogamy. Tinsley brings up Rocco, and Edgar plays it cool, knowing that France beats Italy any day. We hop over to Bethenny’s, where a glamorous holiday party is being set up. Her assistants harmonize, telling their boss she’s wonderful—always a full-time job. Meanwhile, Dorinda is stuffing gift bags in a car, and Ramona is preparing for a night out with Avery’s friends, because she has been shut out of the B-I bash. Sonja is packing to go overseas, because she’s a bonafide jet-setter, and can’t be in the same country as Tom’s wedding band. Tinsley and Connor titter over their upcoming days of bliss, excited for some time away from the naggy landlady.
Dorinda arrives at Bethenny’s, and the seafood spread looks fantastic. Dorinda gets a sexy oyster tutorial, much more delish than Adam’s Baby-scented salad.
Ramona hits the town with Avery and her pals, triggering countless cringes, up and down the east coast. Back at Bethenny’s, the Skinnygirl luge is in action, a frozen bottle shooting product straight into anyone who will shut up for a few seconds. Bethenny sells it, chattering about her fantastic sponsored vibe. Ramona tries to rope Avery’s friends into hanging out with her harpy girlfriends, and they agree, as long as the old gals bring their sons.
Tinsley learns that Bethenny dissed Ramona’s invite to a charity event, and shut her out of the community luge slurp. The cast chatter rewinds Ramona’s rock star moment in the Berkshires—and the fact that she actually doesn’t give a crap. Meanwhile, Ramona is spilling her guts to Avery’s friends, who advise her to tell Bethenny to STHU. Ramona is bowled over by their raw wisdom, her crazy eyes stunned by the light bulb moment. Dorinda shares that she chewed Ramona out about the ripped down fixtures—and Bravo gives us a flashback. Meanwhile, Ramona spills to Avery’s gang about her bitchy-witch rampage, admitting that she ripped down three “lit-up somethings” off Dorinda’s walls, due to her drunken emotional distress. Carole thinks that a post-divorce slump is behind Ramona’s wonky behavior, but Sonja reveals that Ramona trashes hotel bathrooms on the reg. Ramona professes her undying love to her 20-something soul sisters, and the ladies wrap Bethenny’s party with a snazzy dessert.
The big day has arrived, and Lu’s personal footage gives viewers an inside peek. The gals are getting their hair done, and the place is buzzing with love and excitement. We see the glitzy trimmings of the celebration, and Luann shares her thoughts about marriage, and all that she loves about Tom. We catch a pre-ceremony looksie at the dashing groom, who is ready for the reception. Jill Zarin tosses a congratulatory kiss, before Luann glides down the aisle on the arm of her handsome brother, looking simply radiant. Lu is nervous, but glowing with “I did it” joy. The couple exchanges vows, and shares a smooch. Luann takes a moment to classily flip off the cast in a confessional spot, before the couple’s big entrance into the reception. The event looks glam and fun, and Luann is thrilled to have a life playmate.
We next join Bethenny and Carole, who are celebrating the new year by stepping outside their neighborhoods. The pair checks out a Chinatown eatery, and exchanges snickers about the upcoming LuTom party. Bethenny laughs it off, but appears miffed that her paid appearance offer was snubbed. The ladies chitchat about their co-star’s big day, before shading the murky yellow marriage. Bethenny throws in an especially tasteless jab, inviting a fresh round of bitch-witch cackles. The convo shifts to the herb thrower’s exit from Carole’s shredded couch, and Carole couldn’t be happier to be rid of his hipster clutter. Carole loves Adam, but can’t stand to live anywhere near him ever, ever again. The gals wander around the strange, foreign land, gasping over pig heads and dead octopi. Bethenny chatters 100 mph through an ice cream order, sending Carole’s sluggish sense of adventure into a dish of chocolate.
Ramona pops in on Dorinda to hear the dirt on Luann’s wedding, and Dorinda fills her in on the details of the festivities. Dorinda reveals that she practically forgot to show up—but managed to pull it off. We hear more about the couple’s plan to acknowledge the wedding rejects, another party in the works.
Suddenly Edgar is moving in, and Sonja, evidently helpless to her lover’s stampeding luggage, is panicked. Tinsley hopes that Edgar’s presence turns the ice puke green, and that Sonja aims the landlady bitch treatment in his direction.
Bethenny shows up at Lu and Tom’s “aftermath” party, and the place is empty. A few other guests straggle in, including the bride and groom. Ramona and Avery arrive, and Ramona gushes over the wedding tales, all made possible by the absence of her big mouth. Tinsley is formally initiated into the Bravo cougar sisterhood, as young Chad nervously chugs wine. Tom snarks about his ring finger weighing down his come-and-get-me shoulder, almost winking at Lu.
Sonja and Edgar arrive, and Sonja is nervous, because her lover is normally kept locked in her dusty bedroom. Sonja’s worlds are mixing, and the reality is alarming—especially for cluelessly kind Rocco. Dorinda and Ramona raise their eyebrows, but Sonja reminds them that the French guy can cook. Ramona brings a date, and Sonja is shocked that Ramona allowed the sucker to enter Bravo territory. Sonja and Ramona share a few snarky whispers about Chad, as Tom offers a glowing narrative about Luann’s delightful culinary skills. Carole and Bethenny roll their eyes, as Sonja intros Edgar to Tom and Lu. Tom plants one on his wife, to drive home the point that Sonja is definitely out of the running. Dorinda toasts to no more parties, especially for all the D-Listers in this room. Tom gushes on and on about the wedding, shading many who only wished they could have been there.
Next week, Sonja’s double-lovin’ worlds collide, and Ramona tries to pull off a Tinsley pony—and fails.