We pick up right where we left off, mid pedicure fight between Elena and Jasmine on Little Women LA. No such thing as a peaceful pedicure with any of these heifers. Jasmine decides to let it go because she realizes this fight is about Terra, not Briana. Elena then lets Jasmine have it, and let’s face it, no one can dish it out like Elena. Both of them need to STFU!
Up next, Terra and Joe are meeting with a plastics design firm to make prototypes for kids who have difficulty clasping their bottle. Great idea. Joe is ready to take this one step further. What about people with arthritis who need help holding a beer? Way to think outside the bottle. Terra tells Joe, that Briana and Christy are both writing books and both are declining to sign her release. Terra only has four days until her book is released – which is a ridiculous timeframe to think she can use alternate facts – but whatever this is reality television.
Kerwin in taking his woman Tonya on a candy date because she loves her some milk chocolate. Tonya explains to Kerwin that her online active wear store is not thriving because the manufacturer screwed up. Plus, she needs to provide garments for the heifers to wear in the Warrior Dash obstacle course where they will endure mud, fire and water. Things are all messed up with the women, nobody’s getting along, and Christy’s midget video lingers in the air, but business means business.
Across town, Christy and Jasmine are meeting up. Christy can’t participate in the dash, due to her neck surgery, but vows to be there. Everyone knows about the music video by now. Christy says Terra once dressed like a bear with a penis, so there’s plenty of embarrassment to go around. And she’s right. Christy is not proud of her midget video, but she did it because she was a single mom. What’s Terra’s excuse?
We are home with Jasmine and Chris, but things aren’t as good as Jasmine would like the rest of us to think. The sleeping arrangements have changed. Chris is sleeping with their older son – and it’s working just fine for him. Chris is like, Hey if it’s not broke, why start sleeping together. Jasmine is like, Hey I’m tired of being roommates, I want to you on me now. The good news is, Chris might get a call from the railroad in a couple of weeks and then he’ll be out of the house more. Chris does an internal happy dance. Jasmine is ready to return to the salon, so how will they work this out? They’ll do whatever Jasmine says, that’s how.
Terra is meeting up with Briana and Christy for a last ditch effort to get her book releases signed. Briana’s issue is she doesn’t want Matt mentioned because the douchebag is her story he’s a private citizen. The women agree and Briana signs. Briana has convinced herself that Terra now admires her, and that’s why she’s using the word “fierce.” Give me a D, give me an E, give me a lu-sion-al! Christy is now the last holdout. She tells Terra she doesn’t trust her and refuses to sign the release. Terra loses it.
Todd is looking better. His knees are bothering him, but that’s to be expected. Christy tells Todd she’s the holdout for Terra’s book and Todd tells Christy how proud he is of her for being difficult.
Chris and Jasmine stop by Elena and Preston’s new home even though the ladies last outing at the nail salon didn’t end so well. Chris announces that he finally has his job back with the railroad. Woo-woo! The ladies go to the kitchen to rehash the argument from the salon about Terra and Briana. Funny thing is, that whole issue is resolved now that Briana has signed the release. But these two need a storyline – so whatever. Nothing is resolved.
So it’s time for the book signing event – even though none of us can find this book online – they are available at this one event. The book cover is weird. Terra’s mouth is open. It’s black and white and she’s got slashes across her face. I’m not an art major, but it kind of reminds of Alfred Hitchcock, begging the question, is this a memoir or is this a horror story?
Tonya shows up. Briana shows up. Elena shows up with her boobs hanging out only to announce she can’t stay, but is proud that Terra (or whoever) wrote a book. Terra says she hopes after the other ladies read the book they don’t hate her. We learn the premise of the book is about Terra’s struggle to become who she is – Four Foot Two and Fierce – although Terra originally said she didn’t want to write the oh-woe-is-me type story, apparently she has changed her mind.
Off to the side, Jasmine asks Briana if she ever talked with Terra and the title. Briana says she decided to pick and choose her battles and chose her loser boyfriend over a stupid little title that applies to neither of them. Jasmine tries to force Briana to recognize she needs to have an altercation with Terra – who will annihilate her – about who owns the word “fierce.”
Warrior Dash! Away we go. The ladies are sporting Tonya’s new active wear. Briana arrives not wearing Tonya’s active wear, but a shirt that practically says FU to both Tonya and Terra. And they’re off. Elena is running the obstacle course thinking, WTF, why can’t we just sit around and drink. Christy is just walking alongside the course, la-de-da, due to her neck surgery. But the rest of the women (except Briana) get all muddy and Tonya nearly drowns. Turns out, Heifer can’t swim. And they make it to the finish line!
Afterwards, Tonya thanks everyone for being there and wearing her clothes except for Briana, and btw, you guys owe Tonya money. And since Tonya can’t charge Briana, she tells Briana she stinks. Tonya looks fierce in her hoodie as Briana claims she has a chemical imbalance – but she has also claimed Matt is cured, so what the hell does she know. Christy asks Briana if she’s gone to a doctor about her stank. When, boom! Jasmine to the rescue! Lines are drawn. Accusations are thrown. Terra shuts it down by telling Briana, “Bitch, listen to me. You’re not fierce, Boo.”
Pack your bags, the ladies are going to Alaska and the weather chances are good for an avalanche.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.