Welcome back to Little Women LA, by the way, the show moved to a new night without any warning whatsoever. Thanks Lifetime! We join Elena and Jasmine, as they shop for baby clothes they don’t need and learn Jasmine is no longer carrying a grudge about not being in Tonya’s fashion show. The new thing to bond over is the girls shared disgust at Christy’s midget video. Lines are drawn and it’s everyone against Christy. But wait, there’s more — Terra’s new book title is, “Fierce at 4 Foot 2.” Jasmine is worried about Briana’s reaction since she apparently owns this word even though you can’t own a word. Elena gives great advice and tells Jasmine to stay out of it. Spoiler alert: Jasmine doesn’t.
We see Todd post-surgery and he looks great. So far he’s lost 36 pounds. Todd admits to cheating on Christy…because he was fat and made her miss out on opportunities. Christy says she never lost hope, but au contraire, when you give an ultimatum, that’s kind of like losing hope. Their fire is rekindled and they make out – sort of.
Up next, we are at an oxygen bar because Briana and Matt want to get high. Briana has no sense of smell due to her type of dwarfism, so she can’t smell the lemon grass, or her own body odor for that matter. It’s not working so Briana takes out the nose plug and Matt is disappointed that yet again he is useless. Briana blames her pissy attitude on the photographer who lied about putting her picture in magazines everywhere. Like that was going to happen. Matt says it’s because nobody takes her seriously. Suddenly Briana can’t breathe. Thanks goodness there’s nearby oxygen – she doesn’t use. Is it allergies or Briana’s way of controlling Matt?
We interrupt this reality show for “Briana’s Sad Attempt at an Emmy.” Briana chokes back tears as she tells Matt she thought having talent was enough, but the doors continue to slam in her face because she’s unique. Matt, too, is wiping away non-existent tears because there’s nothing he can do to help her (except porn) to become a success. And scene.
Briana’s plan is to seek out Terra’s keen business sense and see how to re-launch her modeling career. Matt give both positive and negative affirmation on this plan, calling Terra both a hustler and a fake friend.
Elena and Preston are getting a new home, now that they are on a hit show. At first Elena didn’t want a two-story, but after she looks at the house, she softens her stance. The house needs some TLC, but the view is to die for. Hopefully that glass wall will keep her twins from falling off the cliff. Elena sees how much Preston likes the house, and stairs be damned, allows her husband to put in an offer.
Meanwhile, Briana reaches out to Terra for career advice, but is blindsided to find out that people are talking about a very sensitive topic behind her back. They meet up for health food and Briana pitches it perfectly to Terra, saying she needs her help, and Terra bites. First, she tells Briana to get thick skin. Then she tells Briana to wash that thick skin. Which is somewhat heartbreaking because Briana can’t smell. Terra reluctantly breaks it to Briana that her poor hygiene is the source of Tonya excluding her from her fashion show. Briana doesn’t seem too surprised and admits she has poor balance, so she doesn’t shower. Yikes! It’s like she and Matt got the wrong kind of therapy dog. But maybe they can teach Vader to bark when Briana smells bad.
Next up, Jasmine and Tonya meet up to work out. It’s called, sound bath, and it’s so stupid. Sorry, if this is your kind of thing. Anyway, you lie down on your yoga mat to deep obnoxious sounds that jiggle lose your fillings. Afterwards Tonya is like, Oh hell no. Jasmine hated it too and it was her idea. Her next idea is to have all the girls run in a Warrior Dash and wear Tonya’s active wear. Tonya is like, Oh hell yes. Next they discuss the “disgusting” midget video Christy was in. Tonya says she had no idea Terra was going to trip-out over it, otherwise the heifer wouldn’t have sent it to the other heifer. Jasmine and Tonya agree that Terra wants revenge on Christy and to call her out as a hypocrite.
Elsewhere, Elena, Terra, and her braids are shopping for furniture for the house now that their offer was accepted. Terra tells Elena about the weird talk with the doormat called, Briana. Terra barks and calls Briana “Jasmine’s little puppy.” Elena asks Terra why she showed the “disgusting” video of Christy at poor Penny’s party. Talk about inappropriate! Terra claims she wasn’t looking for something to hold against Christy, but when the gift horse smiles, it’s proper to say thank you when you don’t look him in the mouth.
Tonya meets up with Christy to do damage control. She warns Christy that word is out about the midget video. Christy is like, That was so 2012. Tonya reminds Christy the song is degrading and there’s no way in hell she’s proud of that. Christy says she’s proud she was able to feed her family. Tonya explains Terra is upset because she needs everyone to sign the book release. Christy says if anyone’s going to write about her “Drunk-a-logs” it will be her. In her private testimonial, Christy calls Terra a hypocrite for being in a midget bar fight on Jackass. Christy tells Tonya that Terra can shove the release up her “big, fat, white, achon ass.”
Things are back on track with Jasmine and her pokey little puppy, Briana. Jasmine informs Briana they are shopping for running shoes for the Warrior Dash. Briana explains to Jasmine she has been banned from wearing Tonya’s active wear due to her extreme body odor. Jasmine is like, That’s embarrassing. True dat. But when Jasmine tells Briana about Terra’s “fierce” title, Briana feels even more violated because she owns that word, even though you can’t own a word. Here’s the thing, the person who finishes their book first, gets to pick a title first. The end.
It’s a happy hour time! Terra and Tonya meet up for cocktails and for Tonya to spill her guts on the Christy situation by telling Terra she was trying to get the heifer to sign the release. Girl, be real, You was sticking your small, skinny, black nose in someone else’s business.
Jasmine is working out to get ready for the Warrior Dash. Terra stops by under the pretense of working out with her. The truth is Jasmine wants to talk about Briana. Terra explains that one time on the Chelsey Lately show they were asked by Chelsey what smells – and it was Briana. Now that’s embarrassing! Next on the agenda, the word “fierce.” Jasmine agrees that Terra is by definition “fierce,” but Briana has nothing in her life so give her this one word. Terra says this never would have become an issue if Jasmine didn’t make it an issue because Briana isn’t smart enough to know it’s an issue. Terra stomps off, completing her workout.
Jasmine and Elena meet for cocktails and pedicures. Jasmine explains how she messed things up between herself and Terra. Elena is perplexed as to why Jasmine would cause more trouble. Jasmine says it’s not her, it’s all Terra’s fault, and accuses Elena of being back on Team Terra. Elena says she doesn’t approve of everything Terra does, and accuses Jasmine of being back on Team Briana. Elena then becomes hostile and tells Jasmine that she’s being as much, b*tch as Terra. The two start yelling at each other, sitting real tall in their massage chairs, messing up their pudgy toe polish.
Tune in next week when Tonya tells Briana she’s unreliable and her hygiene is not up to par.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.