Hello, my little crawdaddies. It’s time for another episode of Southern Charm. We begin by driving to Home Goods with Cameran Eubanks. She calls her husband and tells him she’s going to makeover the mother-in-law suite, turning it into her own private zen den. He thinks the room should double as a nursery, but since crying babies aren’t that peaceful, she shrugs off his suggestion.
Craig Conover gets an email from law school, letting him know he’s finally completed all of his work. Our boy is growing into a man. Sniff. (Where’s a handkerchief embroidered with Gizmo’s likeness when you need it?) After having mastered the wireless printer a few weeks ago, Craig prints out the email and proudly posts it on the refrigerator. Gizmo seems underwhelmed, but once Craig bribes him with liver treats, the cat gets onboard. Craig Skypes his parents, who are thrilled that their un-athletic son has finally graduated from law school. Sure, it’s three years late, but who’s counting? (Besides frenemy, Shep Rose, and girlfriend, Naomie, of course.)
Chelsea Meissner arrives at Home Goods to help Cameran shop for tchotchkes. Apparently Cameran’s sense of calm requires golden mirrors and silver throw pillows. Cameran spills the tea from her night at Patricia Altschul’s dinner party. Even though Kathryn Dennis wasn’t an invited guest, she was the hot topic of conversation. And once her name dropped, everyone started arguing over whether Kathryn deserved a second chance with the group. Chelsea shared Kathryn came into the salon for a trim. Chelsea wasn’t sure what to expect, but she thought Kathryn seemed all right. Cam notes that Kathryn can be pleasant, but she can also pull out her psycho and cut a bitch. Word to the wise, Chelsea!
After a long day in the library studying for her business degree, Naomie meets Craig for dinner. He shares his good news and instead of congratulating him, Naomi wonders if Craig is telling the truth about graduating from law school. What does he want, a parade? It’s about time he got his shit together. Craig forces Naomie to admit he’s improved on following through on his promises. Naomie agrees, which is why she hasn’t left him—yet. When she questions him about the bar exam, the tension is so exquisitely painful, it’s like watching your parents politely argue over dinner. You just keep your eyes on your plate and shovel broccoli in your face so you can leave the table as quickly as possible. Whew! Bad childhood flashback there. Moving on.
At Shep’s beach house, dirty glasses and empty beer cans litter every flat surface. I guess he’s not that concerned about his elevated liver enzymes anymore. He calls Cam and apologizes for taking such a tough stance on Kathryn…however, he’s planning a lunch for her and wants Cameran to come along and make peace. Cam admits she’s followed a double standard, socializing with Thomas Ravenel while shunning his baby mama, Kathryn. Cameran agrees to give the unpredictable redhead a second chance.
Landon Clements asks Thomas to dinner. He leaves the kids in the capable hands of Nanny Deidre and heads off, while Landon takes a call from her sister, Bam. The two women discuss Landon’s non-relationship with Thomas. If she gives him the nod, she could have a ring on her finger and a stable full of horses. What more could a southern girl want?
At the restaurant, Thomas giggles over ordering the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. Oh, that cheeky minx! On a side note: Landon literally can’t talk to the waiter without giggling and sounding like a sheep as she bleats out her order. Thomas nervously spills his glass of wine as Landon explains that he would make a perfect husband if he were twenty years younger and didn’t have two kids spawned by a nutball. She cares too much about what people think of her. Landon doesn’t want to be seen as the homewrecker Kathryn has accused her of being. Thomas, on the other hand, couldn’t give a shit what the world thinks about him. Around this time, the drunken lady at the next table interrupts their conversation by telling Landon to be herself. She also thinks Landon and Thomas are soulmates. Wait! Aren’t those the same words used by Psychic Healer Angie just last week? I think they are! Thomas tells the woman he and Landon just friends. He hasn’t even French kissed her, for God’s sake. The nosy diner tells him to jump on it. Chemistry like theirs can’t be denied.
Shep and Craig meet for lunch with Kathryn the next day. She talks about how Cameran shut her down last season, but she’s hoping to make a better impression today. Shep thinks Cameran is wrong to shun Kathryn. It’s very un-Southern of her. When Cam arrives, she has Whitney Sudler-Smith in tow. Uncomfortable silence descends for a few minutes, until Cameran breaks the ice. She and Whitney support Kathryn, and they want to move on. Kathryn claims Whitney knew her before her life spiraled out of control. But even if Kathryn is to be believed, her “relationship” with Whitney only lasted a couple of weeks. Still, Kathryn feels hurt that Whitney supported Thomas during her downfall. She tells everyone about the letter she wrote to Thomas, offering to co-parent their kids. Kathryn declares she’s in a good place and trying to stay healthy.
Austen Kroll and Craig go golfing. Craig finally realized on the hunting trip that Austen and Chelsea are into each other. (No flies on you, Craig.) But Austen is having a hard time breaking down Chelsea’s walls. She’s been engaged twice and both times it ended in Chelsea being hurt. The men then discuss how Shep was upset when he learned Austen and Chelsea are dating. Craig’s theory is that Shep wants everyone else’s toys—and by toys, he’s referring to women. He also thinks Shep’s superiority complex is hiding deep insecurities. A trust fund can buy a beach house, but it can’t buy happiness. He may be onto something. Perhaps Craig should have gotten a Psych degree instead of dragging his feet through law school. Also, our well-dressed Charmer scooped a wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth. Since when did Craig start dipping? Not a good look with those natty golf pants, mister!
At Chelsea’s salon, Shep comes in for a haircut. He complains that he can’t find a decent woman. Could be because he’s looking for his dream girl at every dive bar in town. He questions Chelsea about Austen, but she claims they’re only casual. She likes the idea of monogamy, but she doesn’t want to get married. Shep believes in monogamy, too—one night at a time. He tries to coax Chelsea into knocking off work and having a glass of wine with him. Uh oh, Austen. This doesn’t look good for you, pal.
Nanny Deidre and Thomas plan Saint’s upcoming birthday party. Thomas is sad that he doesn’t have a real partner to help plan the event. Then he calls his emotionally unavailable father and invites him to the party. When Whitney arrives at T-Rav’s house, he tells Thomas about his lunch with Kathryn and the gang. Whitney wonders if Kathryn will get an invite to the baby’s party. It might be a good test to see if she and Thomas can be together for a few hours without devolving into craziness.
Landon meets her boy, Drew, for dinner. She’s been ghosting him lately. Not only has she been working on her website, but she learned that she must change the name. Roam comes with too many potential lawsuits. Landon never bothered to check whether she could incorporate the title before now. As Drew devours his collard greens, Landon questions their relationship. He’s eight years her junior, and he’s not ready for a family. Her eggs are shriveling more each day. As she tears up, Drew asks if he can still come by and take walks with Landon and her dog, Charlotte. Then the waterworks really start. Drew is the first boyfriend who will walk by Landon’s side as she strolls the streets of Charleston with Charlotte. And that’s all she wants in life, someone who will help her walk the dog. Oh, and kids. She really wants those. And horses. Can’t forget about the stable, now can she? And don’t forget a loaded bank account, because as Patricia said, “It takes a lot of money, honey.” Landon can’t live on Daddy’s largesse forever.
On the day of little Saint’s birthday, Kathryn and JD’s wife, Elizabeth, have coffee. Elizabeth hand delivers Thomas’ response to Kathryn’s letter. He invites her to the baby’s birthday party and is willing to put the resentment behind him.
So, will this be the beginning of Kathryn acting like and adult who can successfully parent her children? Well… And what about Naomie’s response to Craig’s law degree? Was she too harsh? And most importantly, are Landon and T-Rav really soulmates?