Happy Memorial Day! It’s not even summer and things are heating up on The Real Housewives of Potomac. Ashley is pissed off and arguing with her Aussie husband about the possible closing of their restaurant. But it stops there because Bravo only dangles that carrot before making us go back 8 days and wait to find out what’s really going on.
Cut to Ashley and her young chef Brad who are revamping the menu. According to Ashley, the new chef is not only cute, he’s smart and talented – and they are cooking up a storm together, without any Aussie ingredients. There’s an event coming up and Ashley wants to prove to Gizelle and Robyn how a real boss bitch operates. Who cares what the food tastes like or what her
old man will think. It’s all about Gizelle and Robyn.
It’s time for the basketball camp with Robyn and Juan. As you recall, last week there was a very embarrassing scene for Robyn who was working hard to make her man look good while he was busy making her look bad. Robyn tells Juan that he is awesome not only for paying attention to their boys, but for paying attention to every boy in attendance. Juan finally throws a few breadcrumb compliments Robyn’s way.
Next, is Tog Golf. Such fun to play wearing six inch heels to distract from the fact that you can’t swing a golf club to save your life – Monique. Karen is thinking, Bitch you can’t blame this on Gizelle. And Monique is like, Yes I can. Ashley arrives and informs Karen that she can’t stay in her lane because she’s a mess, too. Karen says she wants to make sure all her messiness doesn’t run amok. Too late.
We are at home with Monique and Chris, who are the happiest couple on earth! They are all about boobies by the campfire and talk about the reason their marriage is so great is because they put their marriage first and their kids last.
Next, we are going on a double-date with Gizelle and Kevin and Karen and Ray. Gizelle already knows Kevin will be judged by them, but whatever, it’s not like he’s going to last. Karen thinks Kevin is a good looking man so she attempts to impress him with her go-carting skills. The foursome split up for the interrogations. Karen corners Kevin to tell him how hot he is, and, oh by the way, what are your intentions for Gizelle. Meanwhile, Ray is telling Gizelle her days are numbered as a beautiful woman and gravity will soon hit her like it hit his own wife. Gizelle is insulted, obviously, because she plans to stay young and beautiful forever.
Ashley is woken with kisses from her
old number-crunching husband who tells her she can’t take the Australian items off the menu at an Australian restaurant. Blimey! Ashley decides to hold her cards close and not tell her old man she’s changing everything in the next few days in time for the culinary event. Ashley tells her husband the rest of the cast will be in attendance and it will be an explosive re-opening. And Ashley’s old man is like, “Jiminy Cricket, how right you are.”
Robyn’s parents arrive to celebrate her mom’s birthday. Once again, Juan doesn’t seem like he wants to be there and pays more attention to his phone, texting someone, probably that producer from last week. The kids give birthday cards to grandma with sentiments well beyond their years, thanking them for hanging in there through the challenging times because everyone has challenging times. Mmm-hmm. Of course, Juan wasn’t paying attention.
Across town, Gizelle stops by Karen’s house, decked out in animal print. Meow! Gizelle is there to assist Karen on how to look like a has been diva and pose for some photos. Karen excuses herself to get dressed while Gizelle takes the warm-up photos and works it baby.
So here we go, it is eight days later and Ashley is freaking out about the Critique’s Choice event tonight. She’s stressing because her
old man Michael isn’t there and doesn’t want to be there. Ashley rips him a new Australian hole about getting his ass there which she promptly stomps on when he does. Chef Brad tries to wave off the Bravo cameras, but good luck with that one. They have their ways, even if it’s across the street shooting from an alley. Ashley calls her husband an “insane asshole” for diminishing her in front of the minions. She storms off while Chef Brad contemplates other job opportunities.
Michael gets out of the car and comes inside the restaurant to beg ask Ashley to speak to him. Ashley says all kinds of stuff like Michael is a child, he needs to flex his muscle, he’s not her parent. But Ashley is realizing that what she thought was a partnership is in fact not and her
old man holds all the cards.
It’s time for the event and people who matter are showing up. Monique and Chris are the first to arrive and they are impressed with the restaurant. Robyn, Charrisse and Gizelle don’t seem very impressed, but things improve when the ladies order a jalapeno margaritas.
An awkward toast is made from Ashley about how hard it is working with a spouse. Bottom line: don’t do it. Speaking of babies – which they weren’t – Ashley and Michael are putting them off until later this year. Gizelle points out things on the menu that haven’t changed while Ashley points out the things that have. And by the way, Charrissee and her cold shoulders will ignore Ashley if she damn well pleases – which she does. Ashley tells the haters that they hate her because she speaks the truth.
Back inside, Monique and Chris – who have this marriage thing all figured out – assure Ashley and Michael all they need to do is schedule time to talk business during business hours. And that’s why they are in sync and Ashley and Michael are not. But Ashley’s bored with this topic because she knows marriage is like a blooming onion and there are many layers of failure. So instead Ashley gets up and hands out the feedback cards.
Tune in next week when Ashley discovers she no longer wants a baby with her
old husband and his old sperm.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.