The Real Housewives of New York aka the Tom D’Agostino variety hour, kicks off with one of Carole’s Babys, making a run for it. Bethenny has shifted gears from Skinny overload to real estate, and Bravo crossover, Fredrik, is in her apartment to offer advice. Fredrik gives her some ideas to move the place, sniffs some pumps, flashing an occasional grin at the camera. The pair banters over price in perfect harmony, giving us a forced preview of their upcoming spinoff. We shift to Carole, who is strangely welcoming Ramona into her cat lady nest. The pair launches into Lu/Tom gossip, the overwhelming theme of the episode. Carole gushes over Tom’s lively wedding joie de vivre, before sharing the tea, spilled by bigmouth Barbara. The duo decides that the whole cast needs to be informed of this shocking, secretly recorded development. Ramona dishes her own collected dirt about “dirty dog” Tom — who evidently has been busy, mauling women on the side. Ramona and Carole decide to plunk the burden on Dorinda, and trap Luann in another hellish weekend in the Berkshires. Meanwhile, the happy couple is strolling in the park, discussing their honeymoon, and their perfectly matched realities. Tom marks his territory with his sexy gams, as Luann describes their magical connection.
We jump to the Berkshires, in a creepy deja vu to last season’s head-splitter. Dorinda scurries around to make it nice, as Bravo plays a few horrifying flashbacks — as if we could ever forget. Sonja arrives, and although she is still raw from the Season 8 diss, she is thrilled to be included. Bravo even replays Coco’s poop session, which proves immensely more enjoyable than the rerun of Bethenny’s airhorn whore whoop.
We jump back to the city, where Tinsley is meeting up with her mother. Her mom is transporting her father’s ashes to Florida, and appears to be quite the snazzy character. The ladies chat about old times, and Tinsley shares that her signature curls have been letting her down, as she readjusts to life in NYC.
Meanwhile, Sonja is bitching about her inconsiderate roomie, and back in the the city, Tinsley is doing the same with her mother. Her mom pushes her daughter to behave like a grateful houseguest, while the others wonder if Tinsley’s bouncy locks will ever find themselves, and trust the group. The mother and daughter chat about the long-shot possibility of a grandchild, and cross their fingers for a baby daddy who doesn’t need to cough up an ID, to order a cocktail.
The ladies are next seen decorating a Christmas tree, as Dorinda orders the others into hyperactive perfection. Sonja begins to wonder why she ever complained about being left out of the last go-round.
We take a break, and join Carole and Adam’s family, Christmas shopping for their son. They relate pleasantly, and not surprisingly, much like peers. Carole knows that her eggs are ancient, and that these nice people deserve grandchildren, not identically named kittens. What this means for the romance, is yet to be determined.
Tinsley arrives in the Berkshires, and Dorinda kindly greets the clueless rookie. Tinsley, overwhelmed by the startling Christmas decor, scores the cowabunga bedroom. Sonja snarks about Tinsley interacting with new elderly friends, admitting that she’s being a passive aggressive — not to mention jealous. The next morning is Dorinda’s birthday, and a squished cake offers a hilarious start to the festivities. Bethenny and Carole arrive, Bethenny looking fetching in a Sasquatch coat. She is greeted by flowers from Dennis — a somewhat odd and showy maneuver.
Bethenny hopes that Ramona will leave her alone — and keep her bug eyes and cryptic convo-openers to herself. Bethenny and Carole begin whispering about Luann’s pre-wedding jitters and Tom’s uncontrollable libido. So much for not interfering in Lu’s biz ever again — because Bethenny has jumped back to last season — repeating the same “source,” who now is reporting on Tom’s latest hussy hunt. Maybe Luann needs a “push,” and Dorinda is nominated to give the Countess a shove.
A fire is lit, to set the mood for the next rinse-and-repeat gossip sesh. Dorinda assures them all that Luann is happy 24/7, but Carole believes that she’s shaking in her murky yellow diamond. Ramona dishes up her dirt, trusting Dorinda to break the news that Tom is a tireless lech. Bethenny accuses Tom of having a mistress, and Dorinda is astonished by Tom’s mad time-management skills. Dorinda doesn’t buy the shady texts, but accepts the task to confront Luann. The cast breathlessly awaits the woman of the hour’s arrival — and Lu struts a confident entrance. The ladies decorate cookies like true faux friends, but the undercurrent is tense. Tinsley rats Sonja out to Luann for being a nitpicky hag, and they flash back to an incident with Sonja’s assistant, Connor. Connor is not allowed to turn door handles for anyone but Sonja, and Tinsley doesn’t understand why Sonja is so stingy with the help. Sonja caught the pair laughing it up, and was not impressed. Tinsley is spoiled rotten, and has no understanding of the challenges facing door tenders. Sonja’s multiple businesses come first, and Connor will not be worn too thin. Sonja dramatically describes a typical Hampton hat transfer catastrophe, walking us through a dozen worst case scenarios. Tinsley proclaims her cuckoo.
Luann sits down with Dorinda — not the least bit surprised that Tom is still a hot topic among these Bravo bitches. Dorinda asks Luann if she trusts Tom, despite the rampant groping rumors. Luann doesn’t care about the jealous floozy chorus — because she loves and trusts her guy. Luann wishes that the women would shut up — and shares that Ramona is playing detective, scrounging up any dirt she can on her soon-to-be hubby.
The drama continues next week, as Bethenny and Ramona plead for Luann to call off her big day.