The Real Housewives of New York begins with Ramona nagging Avery, Luann meeting up with Sonja, and Dorinda meeting Bethenny in a furniture store. Dorinda is excited to be alone in her apartment, and Bethenny steals the subject, revealing her own ginormous new place — secured in perfect unison with her real estate spinoff. Ramona and Avery chat about the definition of cool, and Avery slips in that trying too hard is an automatic disqualification. Ramona discusses her Bethenny beef with her daughter, and Avery points out that she is a bit of a side sniper. Luann and Sonja and Dorinda and Bethenny hash out the same subject in different locales. Ramona nominates herself as the humble cast peacemaker.
We check in with Tinsley, who is meeting Ramona and Sonja at Beautique, for a girls night out. Tinsley asks Ramona for her best pick-up tricks, and Ramona obliges, just as Sonja appears. The ladies check out their prospects, as Ramona continues to torture the bartenders with ridiculous cocktail demands. Tinsley approaches a man named Chad, whom Bravo subtitles “cute guy,” and launches her shtick. Tinsley calls Sonja over, who declares her pick not acceptable husband material. Ramona decides it’s time to show the rookie how it’s done, so she turns it on — batting her eyes, sucking her straw — teaching the grasshopper her sexiest cougar moves. Ramona basks in the snatched attention, and steals a Chad-hug before letting Tinsley walk alone. Sonja busts into the mix and practically shimmies while demanding his ID. The young man is clearly amused by the dueling cougars, as they wiggle and wink in a high-stakes mating dance. Sonja tries to drag Tinsley away, incensed that the younger gal is scoring the boyish man meat. Tinsley learns that Chad is 23, and rewards him with a semi-icky makeout sesh.
It’s the next morning, and things are tense at Sonja’s, as the roomies chat about last night. They bitch about morning-after signature curls and swiped sweetener, before cutting to the chase. Sonja wants Tinsley to remain list-conscious when she’s man-hunting, but Tinsley is obviously tuned out, and high on Chad.
We shift gears, joining Bethenny at a Dress for Success breakfast event. Dennis Shields makes his Bravo debut, awkwardly greeting the charity reps. Dennis is Bethenny’s biggest fan — but Bethenny didn’t even find him attractive until he ditched his wife, minutes before declaring his love for her. The sequence of how this cryptic sting of events unfolded, is up for debate. The group departs for the breakfast, and Carole does her part by showing up on time. Bethenny is named co-world leader, before she storms the podium. She becomes emotional, and Carole interprets her shakiness as ex-stress. Bethenny hopes to help others who have been mistreated by crazy stalker husbands, and finally pulls it together, communicating her support for strong women and the cause.
Carole and Adam are rock climbing next — a randomly thrown in intermission from the ongoing testosterone pant. Carole shares that Adam’s athletic endeavors aren’t her cup of tea, but she moves her haunches once in awhile to keep him happy. The couple scales the wall, and Carole follows by complaining about Adam’s good butt parking itself incessantly in her apartment.
We catch up with Tinsley and Chad on a bowling date, where Chad dazzles us by questioning his own shoe size. Tinsley knows that he’s a young’un, but doesn’t care, because he’s cute and his guesstimated foot stature is promising. Tinsley wants a hubby, but bowling with a carded cutie is just too adorable to pass up. Tinsley bowls great, and tipsily sucks the food out of Chad’s mouth between strikes.
Ramona is man hunting with an alternate group of friends this time, commiserating about the cast with outsiders. One of the gals has dirt on Lu’s love — and Ramona couldn’t be happier. Missy shares that Lu busted up HER hot romance with Tom — snatching the playboy from her clutches.
Meanwhile, Luann is busy wedding planning with her daughter, and is thrilled that the ladies have finally shut up about her engagement. Dorinda’s charity event is next on the agenda, and the ladies trickle in and check out the auction items. Tinsley continues to whine about Bethenny’s moodiness — unaware that this is as nice as it gets. Bethenny tosses out some crude remarks about Tom, amped to meet the man she brought down last season. Ramona and Sonja begin scoping out the room, as Bethenny and Carole snark about Ramona’s latest jabs. Sonja continues to shade Tinsley’s every move, as Ramona’s boobs make a shady move on Sonja’s recycled prospect. The fight for man meat reaches a fevered pitch, and the desperation feels real.
Luann and Tom make their appearance, and time stands still, as the cast prepares to interact with Season 8’s breakout cheater. The ladies blare out their greetings — a bit over-enthusiastically — as Tom feigns ignorance, likening Sonja to a tawdry stranger. Bethenny proudly offers a brief rewind of the dramatic make-out scandal, vowing to never to repeat that storyline. Lu thanks Bethenny for her anti-Stinger support, before Bethenny comes face-to-face with Tom. She begins by apologizing for putting him through a thrashing last season — noting that she kinda hated his slutty fiancee. Tom lets her off the hook, and Bethenny reminds them that she’s still available on New Year’s, for a nominal fee. Bethenny shifts gears and hawks her Skinnygirl gift basket like a cheap hooker, aiding the cause.
Barbara — the woman who tried to shut down the release of tonight’s footage, hits the stage, chatting with Carole. The duo exits camera range, but Barbara is captured on Carole’s mic, shading Luann and repeating a rumor about Tom’s alleged addiction to Regency barflies. Barbara says that she’s actually not thrilled about the wedding, and that Luann has “something to prove” by going through with the marriage. The juicy dialogue plays out during a LuTom smooch session. Carole declares that Luann should run like the wind, and cut the delusional kissy face.
Next week, it’s back to the Berkshires, in an eerie Christmas flashback.