The Real Housewives of New York cameras check in on a bunch of critters, most named Baby, before the spotlight settles on Bethenny, who is meeting Sonja for lunch. Sonja is late, and Bethenny is already tense. Sonja shares that she has been passing the time by purging her house of junk and her mind of clutter. Sonja spills that she went to bat for Bethenny at Ramona’s party, but her defense fell on self-absorbed ears. In other news, Ramona is dating randoms, and Sonja expounds on the topic, explaining that her role is to hunt live ones, so that the others can wrestle over her leftovers. Sonja ticks off her resume — Johnny Pirate, good-time Harry, and of course, Tom…the list is endless. Sonja is a sexual pioneer, and the others learn from the best.
We take it down a notch, joining Dorinda in the Berkshires, commemorating her late husband, Richard’s death. She meets up with her parents, her sister and her daughter, and the family visits the grave. Carole is invited, and because her husband is also dead, she blends in nicely. Dorinda shares some memories about Richard, and Hannah expresses her feelings, via an emotional reading. The family bonds over the moment, and Carole offers some kind widow-sister support.
Life is pink in Bryn’s room, where Bethenny’s assistant is helping Bethenny organize her daughter’s life. Bethenny shares that she has caught the “real estate bug,” aka a spinoff, because her ginormous apartment doesn’t feel like a home. Bethenny hopes that Bryn isn’t a hoarder — hoping to sell that she doesn’t throw her girl’s junk away every chance she gets. We hop back over to Dorinda’s family, who is chatting about marriage, murder, and Hannah getting the heck out of Dorinda’s apartment. Carole is “fascinated” with Richard, especially when she learns that he routinely gave his money away to down-and-outers.
Meanwhile, Sonja and Tinsley are tidying up Sonja’s kitchen, while Tinsley bemoans her reality as Sonja’s lackey roomie. Sonja admits that Tinsley is spoiled and clueless, and Tinsley admits that she can’t wait to get out of there, so she can spoil numerous guys freely. Sonja agrees with the plan, because evidently, Tinsley brings brown energy into her water supply.
Dum-dum-dee-dum! We catch up with Luann and a sisterly entourage, who are all arriving at a designer’s space for a wedding dress reveal. Luann’s dress is lovely, and the ladies all gasp their approvals. Luann believes that a white dress is her prerogative — if you don’t count the pirate. Luann leaps around, frolicking in her faux purity — a glowing and happy bride.
We rejoin Tinsley and her friend Anisha, who are buzzing a pup around in a doggie Mercedes. The gals chat about old times, and Tinsley reiterates her desperation to get her lashes and nails out of Sonja’s. We bounce onto Carole’s ratty couch — which is becoming quite a a scene-stealer — eavesdropping on Carole and Bethenny. The gals chat about Carole’s boy-toy ball and chain, and how Carole longs for his butt to land on someone else’s shredded furniture. Those handlebars aren’t cutting it anymore, and the couple is becoming testy and feels suffocated. The two year mark is a rough one, and the romance’s hip factor is plummeting like a rock. Bethenny points out that if things were good they wouldn’t shake the shack-up, but admits that the landmark is certainly a long time in Jason-years. The ex, aka “personal stress” needs to be exterminated, because Hoppy’s “beyond bizarre” stalker behavior is just too much. We get wind of the next cast gathering, a “clear the air” get-together, which will likely only tinge the friendship waters browner.
We catch up with Ramona, who is basking in the fabulousness of her on-the-reg popularity. Ramona phones Dorinda, and thanks her hostess for celebrating the glorious marvelousness of HER. She is still bitter about Bethenny’s no-show, and believes that their friendship is in a sad state. Meanwhile, Bethenny and Carole hash out the Ramona-drama, as Bethenny dreams of the day that Ramona just leaves her in peace.
The ladies begin to gather at a bar, as Ramona plans a revised stealth approach, aimed at Bethenny. Bethenny arrives, and is in a good mood, because Ramona is the only one currently bugging the crap out of her. The group chats about Luann’s wedding, and Ramona pounces, demanding an invite. Ramona complains to Luann about being shut out, a travesty, because she did NOTHING to deserve it — except chatter against Tom for four straight months. Luann tries to explain that the event is sacred and her uncontrolled yapper is too high-risk. Bethenny is disgusted, because Ramona just wants to boast an invite, not actually attend. Ramona is a manipulative blurter, and she proves it by puking out a “joke” about the whole upper east side placing bets on Tom and Lu’s chance at altar success. Jaws drop, and Lu rolls her eyes and pats herself on the back for her wise guest list discernment. Bethenny labels Ramona an “as*hole” for the nasty dig — an accurate assessment. Ramona abruptly shifts gears, and Lu forgives her, for the umpteenth time.
Sonja and Tinsley arrive, and Sonja throws passive aggressive jabs, peeved that Tinsley dared to eclipse her grand entrance. Carole lets Tinsley know that there are two spots available in her building, and kissing up the the board prez will get her everywhere. The dialogue is scintillating — Adam’s shared kitty video giving Sonja’s proudly expressed flatulence a run for it’s money. Tinsley drones on about her teen beat marriage, as Ramona pulls Lu away to gossip about Bethenny. Lu advises Ramona to give Bethenny Bear a poke — no porny lingo allowed.
Ramona cozies up to Bethenny, and begins jabbing in riddles, delivering snide remarks Bethenny snarkily labels “Tales from the Crypt.” Bethenny grimaces in response, and tells her to bug off. Ramona calls her weird, clearly hoping to pick a fight. Bethenny doesn’t bite, and obviously looking to avoid a Season 8 repeat, gets up to leave. Ramona tries to garner sympathy from the girls, but it doesn’t work. Dorinda labels Ramona “emotionally heightened” — but Ramona assures them that it’s all “wild dog” Frankel — not her. The ladies flee from Ramona like the plague, as the episode fades.
Next week, Dennis Shields makes his debut, and Tom trepidatiously side-steps back into the spotlight.