Recap by guest blogger J.R.
Below Deck Mediterranean sets sail for a second season in the pinnacle of yachting destinations, the Mediterranean, with a new young, attractive, and bold crew aboard the 154′ mega yacht, “Sirocco.”
Between Bethany Frankel calling Luanne all types of whore during Christmas dinner, and pretty much every episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta or Watch What Happens Live, it’s a cold day in hell where you find some feminism on Bravo. But it’s 2017! And the tides are turning! It’s sentence four of this recap and I’ve already made a water pun, forgive me, but it’s finally happened…we have some equality. Instead of the crew rolling their eyes to a male superior, they’ll be doing that to their female captain, Captain Sandy, and I think that’s beautiful. The episode serves as a deep intro, so bear with me this charter.
I might the only one welcoming the Captain, cause the crew, is not impressed. We meet Captain Sandy, who has been doing her thing for 27 years, and returning chief stew, Hannah. Hannah is going for the softer approach this year, but knows that being sweet doesn’t pay the bills, so her resting bitch face may not be going anywhere.
Hannah tells us she only had a female captain once, and it didn’t go well because she micromanaged. Captain tells her right off the bat that she doesn’t micromanage, but she does observe. The charter season hasn’t even officially begun, and it’s already not looking great.
We then meet Chef Adam, a man so beautiful I found myself forgiving Andy Cohen for all the mess he’s put us all through. The feeling is quick and fleeting once he opens his mouth. Captain Sandy, who’s big on curfew and getting a good night’s sleep, lets Adam know that whenever there’s down time she wants him to rest because his job is so demanding. Adam agrees and asks if she’s the Chief Stew. I’m sorry, what? Who asks that question out loud? No one assumed he was bosun? Beautiful, but an idiot. It was a nice two minutes while it lasted.
We then meet the deck crew. There’s Wesley (that’s Wes not Wiz), who’s actually the bosun. Eh. The most interesting thing about him is that he shares his name with my favorite character in Star Trek, but that doesn’t do much for the show. Bobby, is another familiar face from last season, who since then, quit his real life job as a firefighter to be a reality tv star deckhand. Okay. Max and Malia also join as deckhands, both very new to the job.
On the interior team, we meet Cristine “Bugsy” and Lauren. Lauren is a former NFL cheerleader and met Bobby and Hannah in New York. Hannah describes her as one of three dates Bobby had with him. Well, their relationship didn’t work out, but he got her a job. We also find out Bugsy went to college with Max. Hopefully the connections lead to watching some friendships instead of nonstop fighting on the boat, but I already had my hopes dashed with Adam, I’m not going to be foolish enough to expect much anymore.
Everyone’s onboard, so the Captain holds her first meeting. She keeps it short, no drinking on charter, obviously. The woman has run from pirates on the job, so needless to say she is not here for the crew’s drama, but she tells them that to make a point anyway. She then meets with Hannah, Adam, and Wes to tell them about their first charter.
The guests call themselves the ‘tribe’ and would like a tribal theme dinner without eggs, shellfish, diary, gluten, or meat. Not how I would choose to eat during my vacation, but I also can’t afford to charter a yacht, so there are a lot of differences between us.
The crew spend the rest of the day cleaning, Captain wants it all done by 9pm so they can all get a good night’s sleep. The deckhands do that for the most part, but Hannah says that just not possible for interior, despite Captain even cleaning a bedroom herself. She leaves Hannah to it, but does reiterate that she doesn’t want her up too late.
The next morning the guests arrive. Bobby describes as a pack of cougars, hoping they’re the cuddling kind not the attacking kind. Sigh. The Captain introduces herself, then introduces the crew as professional and sexy…which is a pretty unprofessional and unsexy way to go about it, but hey.
The crew seems willing to work, even the newer members. Malia doesn’t want her lack of experience to deter her. She’s disciplined and knows she can handle the job. Bobby’s not going to get distracted by girls. Adam is going to organize soup bowls with post-its; everyone has a plan.
The guests are enjoying their lunch, and even as the ship spins on an anchor not strong enough to hold the yacht still in high winds, the deckhands effortlessly dock. Everything seems to be going well.
It’s dinner service, and again, the guests are enjoying their meal. Captain asks Hannah if there’s anything she can do, and she mumbles “yeah, to leave me alone.” Equality. The guests finish up and half of them, along with the deck crew, and Adam go to bed, while the interior is up with the remaining guests. Hannah sends the rest of her team to bed – she can handle making the guests espresso martinis. But it’s not 1:25am and now the guests want nachos. With all the meat! That’s how you properly eat on vacation. Adam wakes up and makes it for them and the next morning they joke how the guests are vegan but their alter ego are 16-year-old stoners.
As the guests are eating breakfast, one asks for a veggie omlette. Bugsy relays this message to Adam, who tells her to write it on a post-it. That’s busy work, if I’ve ever seen it, and Bugsy comments that this isn’t a burger joint.
For lunch, they’re having a beach picnic. Max goes off first to set up. Malia is supposed to then bring the interior with the food, to finish up, then the guests. After dropping Max off, Captain sees Malia coming back and asks her to practice a few times before picking up anyone else. The guests like how hands on the Captain is, but Hannah does not and complains that she now has to go to the island with the guests and food together, instead of preparing everything before the guests arrive. Inside, Adam barks at Bugsy to stop standing there, watching him and go find something else to do. It’s day three and everyone’s nerves are officially grating.
Drama was on about level two today, so hopefully the show hasn’t jumped the shark (that’s my last water pun – I promise).