The Real Housewives of New York begins back in the Hamptons, at Ramona’s dinner party. The ladies arrive and kiss-kiss hello, and welcome Tinsley into the reality gaggle. Dorinda kicks things off by throwing a hint of shade at Sonja, in a scary note of foreshadowing. Tinsley is nervous to meet Dorinda, but immediately fills her in on her toxic love/arrest, evidently her go-to icebreaker in all intros. Carole updates Sonja on Ramona’s porny jab at Bethenny — and Sonja gets it, because she has pulled off plenty of her own Cinemax after dark episodes.
Luann and Dorinda swap snark about Sonja’s house of hoard, forgetting that a free bed in the city to whore around in is nothing to sneeze at. Carole whinnies about her doomed election party, and how she wants to shut Ramona out of the event. Dinner is served, and the spread is nice, so Dorinda knows that Ramona had nothing to do with it. The ladies sit down to eat, and it doesn’t take long for Sonja to begin passive aggressively jabbing at Dorinda and Luann’s friendship. Sonja is naive about Dorinda’s bubbling lava temper, and her plot to erupt all over the table. Dorinda scored Ramona’s guest room, which sends Sonja over the top, ultimately igniting Dorinda’s wrath.
Dorinda snarks sarcastically about her endless popularity, before laying into Sonja hard, for badmouthing her around the internet. Luann snickers from the side, clearly amused by the launched attack. Dorinda orders Sonja to STHU, while the non-Bravo guests shoot each other side-eyes and cringes. Dorinda really pushes the envelope, inviting Sonja’s unsuspecting vag into the discussion, nastily labeling Sonja a revolving door whore.
Tinsley is terrified, and Dorinda’s verbal lashing is vicious. Tinsley sticks up for Sonja, but Lu throws in, accusing Sonja of shading her upcoming wedding. Sonja denies the published comments, and reminds Luann that she penned in her New Year’s schedule back when she was boinking her fiance. Dorinda snottily blasts Sonja’s play, and her past gig as a consultant to the Prez. Dorinda verbally pummels Sonja like a playground thug, but Sonja keeps her cool. Carole defends Dorinda, remarking that Sonja won’t shut up and stop bashing Dorinda in the press.
Bethenny drives up and catches a looksie in the window, as Carole dishes the play-by-plays by phone. Dorinda turns the nice dinner into a bloodbath, giving Sonja a look at what she really missed in the Berkshires last season. Sonja is embarrassed, but patiently allows Dorinda to vent. Bethenny is thrilled to be left out of the high-drama hoopla, but almost dives into the bushes to get a better view. Carole cashes in on the chaos, seizing the moment to disinvite Ramona to her election party. Carole assures us that it’s not because she’s a Trump supporter, just a super annoying know-it-all — kinda like that skinny chick in the bushes. Ramona bellows out ‘Happy Birthday,’ and the ladies end the ginormous bitch-fest with a cake and candles.
We wake up in Luann’s house, where breakfast is on the schedule. Dorinda is feeling fresh as a daisy, happy to have unloaded her insults on Sonja in one nasty dump. Ramona whines about Bethenny dissing her invite, and wishes that she wouldn’t run scared from naked controversy. Ramona labels Bethenny irregular for acting like a big clucker, and Luann just wishes that Dorinda had not behaved so déclassé. Sonja and Tinsley hold their breaths and enter the house, crossing their fingers that they’ll make it out alive. Dorinda’s AM anti-Sonja rant is rudely interrupted, but the ladies are warmly welcomed into the group. Dorinda and Sonja embrace, and Tinsley is stunned by the bizarre Bravoleb make-up dance. Luann shows off her expanded house, and Sonja expresses a few sincere good wishes. Luann doesn’t believe it, but basks in the offer of support. Ramona and Sonja powwow, whispering about the high drama, and Luann and Tinsley chitchat about the wedding. Sonja assures Ramona that she absolutely is invited to Luann’s wedding — no matter what the bride says.
Luann, Dorinda and Tinsley meet up for dinner next, breaking out their most dramatic fall fashion. Ramona is about to turn 60, and Dorinda wants to throw a surprise glam party to celebrate. Tinsley shares that her dinner presence is top secret, so as to not get in trouble with the insecure landlady. Dorinda slams Sonja as jealous and bitter, as Tinsley dishes about her roomie’s hot new lover.
Meanwhile, Sonja is talking to her new hottie, and as she picks out her best movie undies, she describes her latest dreamboat. She scrubs her panties in the bidet, before we jump back to the dinner, where Tinsley is rehashing her arrest — again. Bravo flashes her mugshot — and Luann points out that proper etiquette states that landing a mugshot is a sure indicator of landing Mr. Wrong.
We next join Dorinda, who is meeting dry cleaner to the stars, John, for lunch. John’s greatest hits are rewound, as the couple chats about Hannah leaving Dorinda in silent bliss. Over at Carole’s place, Bethenny is arriving for a visit. She greets Carole’s menagerie, all named Baby…who are slowly clawing Adam off of their couch. We learn that the boy-chef is getting the boot from Carole’s pad, and that Carole is concerned about where that leaves them as grubby cat parents. Carole is worried about their relationship, and a possible custody battle for all the Babys. Bethenny understands, because she is freshly determined to tackle her own high-profile divorce issues. Bethenny remarks that she doesn’t need or want Ramona to butt her crazy x-rated eyes into any biz involving her daughter. Bethenny’s forgiveness meter is buzzing — and she has no time for the resident playground porn counselor. Bethenny has “hit the wall”…and we all know too well what that can look like. Watch out Ramona!
Back uptown, Sonja is discussing Tinsley’s rockin’ social life with her assistant, Connor, revealing that she knows that her tenant snuck out to the undercover dinner. Connor listens patiently, but is clearly bored into a semi-coma. Tinsley overhears Sonja’s complaints, and calls her out for being possessive and bitchy. Tinsley is peeved that Sonja can’t free her to regain her “It,” and is annoyed that she can’t bed strange men on Sonja’s daughter’s mattress. Sonja airs her grievances, and the duo ends the episode with a little doggie hump and a laugh.
Saddle up, because Carole’s red white and blue party is next week — and you don’t want to miss this one!