The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wrapped last night, and Part 3 of the reunion series did not disappoint. It was a bunny boilin’ good time — seasoned with lies, tears, and pills of delusion.
Kim — Kim — and More Kim
Kim tries to get a bunny resolution cranking with Rinna — but Rinna turns her down flat, stomping around indignantly backstage. Kim tries to explain that the hare reeked of creepy juju, but Rinna calls her one sick cookie for dissing a defenseless rabbit. Rinna slams the bunny maneuver as humiliating, and responds by blaring f*ck off from her phone like a petulant teenager. The duo agrees that they are both unbalanced monsters, and Rinna proves it, when she labels the reality veteran — who has provided storylines galore — a broke cling-on. Kim and Kyle both call the comment stupid nonsense, and Kyle blasts Rinna for blaming her for Kim’s snarky shenanigans. Rinna promises for the hundredth time to quit sponging off Kim’s story, before Dorit jumps in, calling her a below-the-belt bigmouth. Rinna informs us that she simply “observes” and pukes out her truth — behavior that just happens to require endless apologies. Kyle nobly defends Kim, even owning a comment about Rinna’s hyperactive lips. Eden gets called out for gripping off her own piece of Kim, through the rookie’s bellowing objections. Kyle struggles to explain how she does not enable Kim, and Lisa loyally backs her pal. Rinna’s selective amnesia is rewound, and Dorit points out that Rinna is the only one allowed such an excuse. Rinna is a liar — but the memory freeze is real. Eileen perks up, realizing that the reunion is passing her by. She takes on Kim, launching a desperate rehash of the high-drama that went down on game night. Eileen rants and raves in Kim’s direction, objecting to being endlessly linked to the cast motormouth, rather than the trashy dance queen. Lisa slams Rinna for her treatment of Kim, and Rinna promises to move on—at least until next season. Eileen defends her sudsy acting chops — but Kim wisely reminds her that there’s nothing more dramatic than reality.
The addiction blather that Rinna created and nurtured is revisited, complete with a Xanax smoothie flashback. Rinna’s cocaine jab is thrown in for good measure, and Kyle points out that Eden put words in Dorit’s mouth that were never there. Dorit reminds everyone that loony Eden planted the rumor in riddles, triggering the ongoing Xanax chitchat. Rinna snickers off her Xanax joke as a laugh-riot, just a silly remark, gone rogue. Erika shades Dorit for keeping the junkie chatter going, and Dorit points that finger right back at Rinna. Rinna believes that full honesty is necessary — whenever she can remember it — offering that goodie as the reason for exposing Dorit’s home as a coke den. Rinna hops like a blue bunny, boinging from simply sharing “observations,” to confessing that the cocaine zinger was a white line of revenge. Dorit denies seeing drugs in her home, at least not where she was getting her touch-up. Rinna admits that her behavior is kinda horrifying, and scarily, not induced. Rinna bops off set to end the segment, waving her bony arms, and squealing for a cocktail.
Pills and Consequences
Rinna resents being labeled induced, but enjoys prattling proudly about the pills in her baggie. She admits that she lied about her Xanax smoothie habit—and is incensed that waving a pill bag around actually triggered druggie rumors. The scandal has hurt her kids, and possibly even her poly-poncho biz — and that is pain that no “relaxed wanderer” can take away. Andy recommends Xanax—and keep ‘em coming.
Bravo rewinds Lisa’s heart’s work, and we get a peek at her new, pretty-in-pink dog rescue center. We hear some happy pooch news — that several dogs have been adopted into new homes. Lisa also reveals that they have tracked down Max’s birth mother, and that she is encouraging him to meet her. The cast is touched when Lisa shares that Max wants to thank his birth mum, for allowing him a mum like Lisa. Lisa is not threatened, but is emotional and protective about the possible future connection. We get a looksie at Max’s new pad, complete with throw pillows—some furry, and others hilariously printed with Lisa and Ken’s smiling faces. Max’s shocked reaction is fun, and the place looks a bit frilly, but snazzy.
It’s a Wrap!
The model Hamlin girls get a quick shout-out, coupled with Rinna’s naked snatch for their spotlight. Rinna gushes over their new love affair with super-Gigi, despite the fact that Yolanda can’t stand the sight of her. Rinna shrugs, and remarks that being a mouthy liar is just who she is.
Andy requests closing thoughts, as viewers wave goodbye to Season 7. Rinna’s biggest regret is Eden. Eileen calls attention to her tirelessly good intentions—which always lead to failure. Dorit learned to never gift cute panties to someone with no sense of humor. Kyle believes that all of the ladies are pretty great, and Lisa snarks that her crown might be up for grabs—but not to that as*hole Rinna. Erika’s eyes narrow, realizing that a throne takeover is just another impossible dream. Erika has gained much wisdom, and concludes that she’s just so much cooler than she ever dreamed possible.
The cast toasts with smoothies, and Andy adopts Mr. Bunny, who will surely be tortured for years in Andy’s icky clubhouse.
Bye Beverly Hills — hello New York!