It’s double trouble on Little Women: LA with back to back new episodes. We rejoin Briana and Matt as they fight about their fighting. Matt turns on his gas-lighting to high and the next thing we know, Briana is apologizing for always saying she wants a divorce over the littlest things like Matt’s cheating and sexting scandals.
Onto Tonya and Terra who are getting their vaginas steamed. Why? Are they wrinkled? Terra loves the dripping feeling she’s getting from her hoo-ha and anus – and I want to throw up. Terra gripes about the dinner she did not attend after her stint on the DWTS, but has heard all about Briana’s agent-poaching. Tonya can’t believe Briana would do this after all she put Christy through for doing the same thing. Terra plans to bring it up during her “vision-board” event – by making her a poster of Benedict Arnold for Briana.
Briana and Jasmine meet for dinner and brag about their sleeping newborns. Jasmine asks Briana a question, but when Briana responds, it’s like she’s in zombie-mode. She says she’s now over Matt’s betrayal and in the healing mode. Briana announces she will be starting counseling soon because she is the one with the problem and Matt can do no wrong. Jasmine is shocked by the level of brainwashing. She’s worried Briana will drown in the river of denial if she doesn’t get help soon.
Over at Tonya and Kerwin’s place they are praying and fighting over the bbq. Kerwin’s needs are simple: a woman who can whip it up in the kitchen and work full time to support his ass. How easy is that?
Moving on to Terra’s vision-board event which she is holding in a hotel suite. Elena and Jasmine are early and Terra decides to unload onto Jasmine about the drama with Briana and her agent-poaching. Jasmine says now is not a good time to call out Briana and Elena says now is the perfect time to call her her. Obviously Terra will unleash her inner-bitch whenever she wants.
The entire gang is there, except for Christy. Terra offers the women Tequila and then explains how to cut pictures out of a magazine and glue them to poster board. The topic of Christy comes up and Elena says she now feels bad for not being there after her surgery. Tonya says Christy’s fun to be around. Terra tells them they must be smoking crack.
Elena asks if Briana has scheduled her counseling. So get this – I swear I’m not making this up – the therapist was too busy so Briana got a puppy. Not a trained therapy dog certified to assist those in times of crisis and has attended and graduated the course, but a tiny puppy who poops and pees on the carpet. Terra asks Briana if she’s going to give this dog away too when she can’t train it. Swerve! That’s a bitch move I didn’t see coming. Passive/aggressive at its best.
But wait, here comes Elena with a last second slam about Briana changing her mind about more kids since her marriage is in the ditch. Briana is not taking the bait. She calmly says her focus is now about getting right in the head. Next the women show their boards. Terra wants to write a bestselling book, have more kids, and ignore Joe. Guess what, Briana wants to write a book, too. Insert creepy music here.
Now for the showdown. Terra confronts Briana about the agent-poaching. The deal is, you must ask first before you approach anyone on Terra’s team. Briana denies this and claims she’s not jealous of Terra but feels everyone deserves their shot. I fail to see why this matters because it seems like a small world with little people agents. But Briana denies this again and Terra walks out.
Tonya has planned a triple-date with Elena and Terra and their men to learn bartending so Kerwin can see being married won’t kill him. Break out the BJ shots. Tonya chokes – literally. Sorry, girl, but that ain’t marriage material. Kerwin says they aren’t ready yet because Tonya doesn’t cook enough. Then Kerwin gives a discombobulated account for Briana’s agent-poaching and tells Terra she should be leery of her.
Matt and Briana bring their French bull “therapy” dog named Vader to get his first tattoo. Sigh. Briana considers herself cured thanks to Vader. While they wait for the skull and crossbones to dry, Briana tells Matt about Terra’s agent-poaching accusation and he backs her version of events – but who cares what Matt says. He’s a liar. Briana’s plan is to keep Terra at bay and focus on her family, new dog, and career. Matt smiles because his isolation plan is working.
At the waffle store, it’s a come-to-Jesus meeting between Tonya and Kerwin. She is a woman who knows what she wants. It’s all about give and take, and Kerwin wants Tonya to give so he can take. They are at an impasse.
Up next, Jasmine and Elena have been summoned to a meeting with Briana’s friend Lisa. She has news. Matt has been involving her in his fights with Briana. And he’s been dreaming about being with an adult. Lisa thinks she is the “adult” Matt is referring to. She told him to stop texting her and to get his drunk ass home. Lisa tells them she’s about to be blamed and ditched when she informs Briana of Matt’s behavior. She asks that Elena and Jasmine be there for Briana when this happens. They’re like, “Umm, raincheck.”
It’s a play date with Elena and Terra…and their kids. Turns out, Elena went ahead and got the bloodwork done on herself and her children for the genetic testing. Elena tells Terra about the conversation with Lisa, and Terra says she’s out with anything concerning Briana’s marriage. Terra would like to talk to Briana to figure out if they can put this agent-poaching incident in the past. So another outing is planned at the Monster Jam. Won’t that be a fun place for a fight! At least no one will be able to hear them.
Onto the meeting between Lisa and Briana. Lisa chokes up as she tells Briana that Matt keeps calling and texting her up. Briana is like, yawn, why are you crying, I’m busy healing. Lisa tells her about the dreams. Briana is tired and done even though she’s not really done, but Briana doesn’t blame Lisa…until Lisa explains that now all the other little women know about Matt’s inappropriate behavior. Briana storms out.
So Terra calls her agent to get to the bottom about the agent-poaching dinner-incident. He backs the story that Briana asked for representation and then asked for a recommendation of an associate. He said it felt like Briana had an agenda. Coffin is officially nailed shut.
Sad news for Elena. She and Preston received the genetic results and it’s not what they hoped for. Cairo has dwarfism and Xavier does not. I feel her pain, but in a way, it’s perfect. One is like mom and one is like dad. Elena cries because she says it’s harder to be a male little than a female little due to Cairo not being able to wear high heels – of course maybe someday he will wear high heels.
It’s tea time so Elena can tell the other ladies about the genetic results. Elena blames herself, but Terra doesn’t share her viewpoint. Jasmine admits she was relieved to have an average baby, and hopefully two, who won’t go through the same issues she did. Terra agrees it’s both Elena’s fault and blessing. It’s going to be tough, but the other ladies are there to support Elena.
It’s been a few days since Briana saw Lisa, and she hasn’t told Matt about the meeting until now. Get ready for the gas to turn on high. Matt explains that after Briana kicked him out yet again he went and got drunk because he thought his life was over. He called Lisa because he needed a place to sleep, so why not with her, since his life was over because of Briana. Matt tells Briana that Lisa isn’t a real friend. Insert evil laughter here.
Onto the Monster Jam! Chris and Jasmine are obsessed with big trucks. Everyone shows up, except Christy and Todd, but who knows if they’re even on the show at this point. The gang gets a special tour of some of the trucks and Matt and Briana are as happy as two goats on a grass farm.
We interrupt this Monster Jam for an intervention. First, Jasmine and Terra confront Briana about Lisa. Briana explains that Lisa is an embellishing victim who hits on Matt every chance she gets. Say what?! Elena accuses Briana of being so needy that she would get rid of a friend over a scum like Matt. Seriously, just last week Briana was crying her eyes out to Jasmine saying she wanted a divorce.
Up waddles Terra to say, enough about Briana and her loser marriage to Mutt, it’s time to talk about the agent-poaching. Matt sticks up for Briana and tells Tonya to STFU. Tonya gives it right back. The bottom line is, the agent says it happened. Matt says a great liar never gets caught. And Matt should know seeing what a bad liar he is. Jasmine is like, I’m out of her, let’s go Chris. Chris thinks there’s something seriously wrong with Matt and he’s right!
A few days later, Elena and Jasmine gather to listen to what Briana has to say. They don’t know what to expect, but think Briana isn’t a good friend to anyone because she’s quick to discard her friends when Matt tells her to. Briana arrives and says Lisa has dropped her from social media.
Here’s the thing, if Briana wants the ladies to get out of her marriage drama then she needs to stop involving them in her marriage drama. Jasmine tells Briana she’s doesn’t think she wants to fight for their friendship anymore. Briana says in order to be her friend, you have to be there in the good times and bad times, though mostly bad.