The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills picks back up, just in time to catch a rewind of Rinna mouthing off like an induced lunatic. Bravo rewinds Rinna’s obnoxious cocaine accusation, and Dorit denies Rinna’s “honest” slam. Dorit doesn’t appreciate her home being labeled a coke den — but Rinna resents the insinuation that she actually pops from her beloved, flaunted, and highlighted pill bag. Lisa calls Rinna’s snarky question a low blow — and Rinna shades Lisa right back, informing her that it takes one to know one. Dorit doesn’t get Rinna’s game — but Lisa explains that Rinna hustles character assaults better than anyone.
Bravo rewinds Rinna’s nasty turn on Lisa last season — to remind us all that once a shady bitch — always a shady bitch. We next see the shady bitch preparing to leave Asia in peace, to head back to the states. Rinna calls Lisa and breaks the good news, sharing that there was no ill intent behind her nasty jabs at Dorit’s marriage or illegal bathroom hijinks. Lisa invites her to a wine event at her house the following week, in hopes of prying out a phony apology. Rinna surprises no one when she says that she regrets nothing, because if people don’t listen to her, she will always torture them until they do.
The ladies quickly recover from the snowy crap-storm, and are ready to shop til they drop. A hunky piece of jewelry is just what Eileen needs to recover from Erika’s lashing, and the scars caused by public humiliation in a foreign country. Erika expects us to believe that she’s a size 6, and is mortified to learn that she’s considered Godzilla-sized in Asia. Eden buys Erika a friendship ring, desperately hoping to buy her love, and a ticket into the unhinged cool kids club. Erika whispers the unsettling development to the others — obviously skeeved, until she discovers the ring to be a cheapie. Lisa is annoyed — because her fake support of Eden is worth at least ten of those budget trinkets.
The ladies later travel to Lisa’s shelter, to check out a group of rescued pups. They learn that some Yulin trucks have been thwarted, and although some dogs have been lost, many have been saved. The ladies work hard to stay interested, and Eileen bonds with a special puppy. The visit is encouraging, and the dogs are indeed blessed pups. Erika never takes off her sunglasses — clearly not into the doggie joy.
Hong Kong is but a memory, because we suddenly find ourselves back in the 90210, where Eileen is meeting Erika for lunch. Erika plans to apologize for acting like a raging narcissist in Hong Kong, but instead the pair kicks off the convo with some soapy small talk. The duo ignores the awkward ox in the room, until Kyle arrives to bust up the fakery. Kyle immediately brings up Rinna’s crazy mouth, but Erika says that she was thrilled by Rinna’s blurt. Erika thinks that Dorit’s apology wasn’t sincere — clearly taking cues from Eileen. She “hopes” that the Kemsleys will “make things right” with her, and that Dorit will be able to earn her friendship. Erika finally apologizes to Eileen, and Eileen practically leaps into her lap, panting to forgive her. Erika is sincere, because her young and oh so restless future depends on it. Eileen appreciates their super cool friendship — and just adores the way Erika apologizes. Hear that Lisa?
Meanwhile, back at PK and Dorit’s, the couple is catching up, post Rinna smackdown. Dorit explains that Rinna’s actions surprised her, and that her temperament appears to be a bit of a mixed bag. Rinna tends to pogo from liar to lover in a flash — and PK points out that she is not to be trusted. PK thinks that Rinna is a dangerous schizo, who should be avoided at home, and abroad. Dorit knows that Rinna’s lash-out needs to be addressed, and she crosses her fingers that she will catch her on a happy day. Dorit spills that Erika can’t leave the hoo-ha drama alone, and PK snarks that he will pass on ringing Tom, to keep the line clear for his distant wife. Dorit does not plan to let Rinna off the hook — and will hopefully elbow her into the swan pond during the finale.
Erika’s big break has arrived — and the day has come to launch her sudsy career. Eileen shares some snoozy dressing room memories, hoping to calm her bestie’s frazzled nerves. We hop over to Kyle’s gig, where she reminds us for the umpteenth time that she is a big time producer, who feels right at home with her 24 hour a day schedule. We are then forced to sit through a scene of bad acting between Erika and Eileen — after which Eileen labels Erika’s performance a breathtaking 12 out of 10. Kyle chats with a fellow producer, until Mauricio shows up — so we don’t forget to remember his equally epic, round-the-clock real estate career.
We hop-skip on over to Villa Rosa — where event pro, Kevin, is busy setting up for the wine party. Lisa and Bravo again remind us that Rinna is the absolute worst, while Kevin gawks at the cute pony pro. Over at the Umanskys, Kyle is getting ready for the shindig, sharing that there is a pink/diamond dress code in place. Kyle hacks off the bottom of her dress, and the fun goes downhill from there — because Erika’s glam squad is nasally bleating us into the next scene. The team pitches a pepto-bismol pony wig — once again proving that the bad joke is on Erika. Meanwhile, Dorit’s hair is getting bedazzled in gold — much to sweet Jagger’s dismay. Rinna is at home, horrifying her daughter by dragging her into her stupid Xanax ramblings. Delilah plays along, her eyes darting between the camera and her attention-whoring mother.
Over at Lisa’s, the party is looking blush-fabulous, and Lisa is dressed like a flowery goddess. Erika arrives, looking more ghastly than usual, and Dorit looks like a shimmering, pissed-off garden statue. The cast arrives one by one — the stage set for finale drama. Rinna uses the car ride over to mock Dorit, and lament her plight as an excitedly willing target. Eileen prays that Rinna will pull off shutting her yap for once — but is tense, because she knows that it’s hopeless. We get a glimpse of Pandora, and Lisa’s yard looks like a fairy tale. The guests gush over the decor, but Hanky and Panky just roll their eyes at the noisy hoopla. Dorit and PK chat with Lisa, and they all share a giggle over Rinna’s loopy antics. Dorit finds Rinna unpredictable and trashy — as does the rest of America.
It’s the final Beverly hurrah next week — then we are reunion bound!!