#RHOBH Recap: Lisa Rinna Accuses Dorit Kemsley of Doing Cocaine & Erika Jayne Cusses Out Eileen!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills picks up right where we left off—junk boat cruisin’ in Hong Kong. Dorit is thrilled by Erika’s honest insult and proudly accepts the bullsh*t label. She is relieved that a “starting point” has been reached, but rolls her eyes when Erika beckons her to bring it on. The duo squabbles, and Erika throws out that Dorit is desperate for her attention—generally reserved for her paid ego-strokers. Dorit points out that Erika is cold, boring, and no fun—nailing her to a tee. Erika adds bitter, grudge-holding and annoying when she reveals that she is still hung up on Pantygate. They rehash Erika’s snatch-flash, and Rinna intrusively interjects and throws in with Erika. Lisa points out that Erika plays a raunchy game, but is actually a touchy undercover prude. Erika tells Dorit to just ignore her, and Rinna and Eileen jump in to guard Erika like a couple of yipping poodles.

Lisa stands up for Dorit, but Rinna objects, noting that she is the only one allowed to act like an out-of-line buttinski. Lisa points out that Eileen and Rinna are Erika butt-kissers, and pretty lame ones at that. Erika explains that she is hurt, and resents being labeled a heartless hag. Erika leaves the group and Lisa follows, attempting to comfort her, but astonished to discover Erika shedding a tear droplet or two. The cast gathers around the spectacle in shocked amazement, almost suffocating Erika with melodramatic concern. Meanwhile, Lisa, Dorit and Kyle stroll along, as Dorit points out that Erika isn’t used to hearing anything but phony paid-for praise. Erika’s ego is built on a fat wallet—and Dorit understands that such a dynamic could screw anyone up. They analyze Erika’s emotional wall, as the other group analyzes Dorit’s lack of remorse. Team Soapy cuddles up in a hotel room, basking in the joy of Erika’s breathtaking vulnerability. Erika is dubbed the most amazing woman in Hong Kong—and all of the compliments are on the house.

The next day Dorit checks in with PK, and spills about the junky high drama. They share a giggle over Erika’s delusional self-focus, and PK encourages her to just support Lisa and ignore the rest of the ninnies. The group gathers in the lobby, and Erika and Dorit start the day right, by shooting eye daggers at each other. They are all heading out to see holy oxen and a giant Buddha, and Lisa hopes that the spiritual shot in the tookis will be just what the trip needs. The two groups board the gondolas and begin their ascent up—and Kyle and Dorit panic like they are about to plunge to their deaths. Lisa loves their squealing terror, clearly happy that she scored the fun group. Meanwhile, the other crew is chilling out in another gondola, quietly enjoying the scenery—quite a shocker with Rinna on board. They arrive at the site and bask in the spiritual downpour, trying to not act horrified that they are decked out in tourist ponchos. Lisa cozies up to a dining village ox, and invites the big cutie to Beverly Hills to hang with Harrison. Rinna and Eileen burn ginormous sticks of incense, hoping to invite blessing on all future cast crap-storms. The group treks up the stairs to the Buddha, and Kyle hopes that the fog, statue and souvenir combo will create a miracle vibe of fake zen. 

Back at the hotel, Dorit is getting her makeup done and commiserating with the artist about being surrounded by a bunch of oversensitive loons. Meanwhile, Erika’s squad is working overtime to pull off a fierce drag queen aesthetic for the evening. The girls gather and toast with water—a bad omen, according to Rinna. Eden, struggling for relevance, stirs the pot to kick off the drama. Rinna takes it from there, challenging Dorit to apologize to Erika. Lisa encourages Erika to to laugh off the hysteria, but Erika accuses her of coldly minimizing her undergarment sensitivity. Erika rehashes the incident over and over, and Rinna amps the hysteria by asking Dorit if she trusts her crotch-peeper of a husband.

Kyle blasts her for messing with a marriage—but Rinna hypocritically continues to point her bony finger at phantom issues between Dorit and PK. Erika continues to blather  about being labeled a panty-less slut, worried about having to explain her overtime Jayne hours to her grandhusband. Erika is incensed—because her sensitive Girardi side might be in big trouble with Tom’s wallet. Erika demands that Dorit and PK prick their palms and apologize—and pinky swear to never to discuss her cooch again. Rinna continues to obnoxiously interject, blathering torturously until Dorit begs for mercy. Dorit apologizes to Erika profusely, but Erika refuses to accept.

Eileen shockingly sticks up for Dorit, much to her idol’s chagrin. Eileen makes a big whoopsie—using Erika’s son and the word “kill” in the same sentence. Eileen realizes immediately that the careless reference probably wasn’t the best choice when speaking of a police officer. Eileen explains that her remark was misinterpreted, but Erika isn’t having it—and tells Eileen to shut the eff up. Rinna, although tirelessly and endlessly defended by Eileen, says nothing. Rinna does scamper to Erika’s side, grabbing her chance to steal her from Eileen. Erika loses it, unfairly blasting Eileen for the unintentional slip.

Eileen frantically tries to backtrack, and the cast falls all over themselves to placate a spoiled brat, throwing a tantrum. Kyle and Lisa offer a few snippets of comic relief, exchanging some dodgy side-eyes. Eileen gushes another apology, before Erika ices over and refreezes.

Rinna is preparing to bless the viewers by exiting the picture—so she wants to go out with a bang. She flashes back to the beginning of the season, questioning Dorit about a guest exodus, during her dinner party. Rinna slams out a cocaine accusation like a hurled water glass, and Kyle calls the comment disgusting. Rinna can’t understand why a dozen people might run from her like the plague—or why in the world she was left out of the coke party. 

Next week, Rinna’s mouth continues to spin out of control, and another party is on the schedule.

 

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