The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with a classic packing jump-around, as the ladies prepare to travel to Hong Kong. Erika is joined by her squad, who strategizes how to pull off a wardrobe, hair, and a personality. Dorit shares that Hong Kong was once her home away from home, as Rinna’s dog helps her pack, resisting the urge to poop all over her shoes. Dorit swings by to pick up Lisa, and the ladies gather at the airport. Lisa snarks that Eileen’s personality should knock her out for 12 hours, and shares her hope to score a shot at squeezing some in-flight life out of Erika. Kyle takes a vid of the ladies settling in, as Rinna giggles that knocked out on pills is the only way to fly.
The ladies arrive, and check into their fancy hotel. The views are fabulous, and everyone is excited. Erika’s glam squad sends her to dinner in a Zsa-Zsa Gabor costume, and the always attention-starved Eden is turned on by the silky getup and hair coils. Eden then shares her plot to shell out cash to pay her pretend lover to put out in NYC. The ladies are horrified, but Eden swears that her desperation is real — and murder by hugs is always an option. Lisa surmises that the cheap import is necessary, due to Eden sucking the life out of the male population of America. They switch to a less nauseating subject, agreeing to support Lisa and her Yulin documentary. Lisa invites anyone with an iron stomach to come along to a production meeting.
Later on, Eileen, Rinna and Dorit meet up, and Eileen reveals that she’s going to pull a whammy and support Lisa’s project. Meanwhile, Kyle and Lisa powwow before the ladies split for the day, and Kyle smirks out a grin about the pup plight dragging a tear or two out of Vanderpump. Eileen shocks them both by calling in her support, and Lisa — stunned that Eileen is not demanding an apology for something — accepts her kind offer. Meanwhile, Rinna whines and complains to Dorit about being labeled a pill-popper, while assuring her that her pill bag is just a silly fame whore, hustling for a laugh. Dorit admits that her bag-o-fun is hilarious, and denies any other public insinuation. We flash back to Dorit sharing the giggles — as she confirms that she did share the anecdote. Rinna says that someone dished the dirt to her in Mexico — but later decides that her rat fink antennae are more accurate. Dorit side-eyes Rinna’s shady instincts, and her ever-shifting story.
Kyle and Erika hit a local park, and while Kyle gasps at turtles in Kim’s honor, Erika offers her thoughts on the stellar feng shui of the koi pond. Eden and Rinna take a train up to the area’s highest peak, and Rinna is amazed that Hong Kong is actually three dimensional. Eden is squealing like an elderly teen, and is styled like an anime reject. The duo snaps a clownish selfie, before Bravo jumps us to Dorit, Eileen and Lisa, who are checking in with the documentary project. They watch the gory trailer, and the ladies are touched — and likely queasy. Lisa explains her hope to raise awareness, and films a spot to plug the film. Eileen hopes that enduring the gross but important meeting might mend fences with the queen.
Back at the feel-good park, Kyle and Erika sit down to chat, and Erika fills Kyle in on her visit home. Erika shares that her mother admitted to being a shrew, and Kyle can relate, because Big Kathy is a challenge, even from the grave. Erika believes that she is burdened by her mother’s lost dreams, and worries that all the puss-patting in the world will never be enough. Kyle dabs a few tears, and reveals that her mom has been shrieking from the hereafter. Kyle is touched that her mother released her from being Kim’s keeper, and even offered a bonus parenting compliment. Kyle says that her mother worshipped her kids like Lisa worships her dogs, finally admitting that her mother drove her and Kim into the ground. Erika remarks that she keeps her eyes wide open, and that a ton of extensions provides a nifty emotional wall.
Meanwhile, Rinna and Eden sit down to dish the dirt, like two dogs panting at a Chinese puddle. Rinna is uneasy about her convo with Dorit — and claims that her spinning instincts tell her that Dorit is hustling a druggie theory like a QVC poly-poncho. Eden is thrilled to agree, and relays (with chills) the comment Dorit made about Rinna being “induced” into blabbermouth-itis. Eden upgrades the dirt to junkie level, and Rinna just nods knowingly — because her instincts are always more reliable than her lying mouth. Rinna calls Dorit a mega-pussy — while Eden basks in the sheer joy of being nominated to cosign Rinna’s silly jabber.
Back at the hotel, Erika is being glammed up for an antique boat ride, but is worried that the outing might be a dud. Eden slithers awkwardly down the stairs in a black Cleopatra wig, challenging Erika to a tacky style-off. Erika side-eyes the wannabe, and declares herself the winner. They all board the boat and take in the breathtaking view of the city. Dorit jumps right into the gossip rehash, demanding to know who told Rinna that she ever pointed to any drug problem. Rinna dodges the question, denying that she heard the gossip from anyone — especially not the loony broad in the weird wig. Cleopatra speaks up, and recalls the convo at Dorit’s house.
Dorit says that she doubts Eden’s recollection is accurate, admitting again that she jokingly shared the Xanax smoothie story in Mexico. Rinna confesses that her “sixth sense” shtick is another boldfaced lie, and is peeved that Dorit is shading her personal stash. Erika jumps in, whipping theories out of the air — and Dorit shuts her down. Erika mouths off in response, clearly peeved that her rare flash of opinion was disrespected, blasting Dorit for existing as a crock of BS. Dorit praises the heavens, thrilled that Erika actually cracked a real scowl in her direction.
The Asian adventure continues next week — as Rinna tells Dorit to eff off, and Erika’s mask cracks. That took two full seasons — so don’t miss it!
Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She’s a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.