We join The Real Housewives of Atlanta right where we left off, mid smackdown with Kandi wanting to “choke the shit out of the bitch” called Porsha for telling people she and Todd wanted to drug her and have a threesome in their sex dungeon. Phaedra is trying to calm the situation because she thinks “it’s not that serious.” Chile, please. This is as serious as a bad weave. Kandi tells the other Todd to watch out because he’s with a “lying ass freak ho.” And it’s his birthday!
The following morning Todd and Kandi discuss the dinner and Porsha’s behavior. Kandi needs a break from Porsha so she calls Phaedra to tell her Porsha can’t come on the speed boat ride. Can I just say if someone told me this, I’d say thank you, and go get a massage, which is exactly what Porsha does. Phaedra tells Kandi she’ll handle Frack.
Phaedra arrives at Porsha and Todd’s bungalow in a next to nothing, boobies hanging out, black, crisscross bathing suit to tell them they won’t be joining the others. Porsha is like, Fine, who cares, we’ll get a couples massage. Phaedra is like, Girl, that’s a threesome I can get into. So funny, that Phaedra.
On the car ride over, Cynthia asks Peter what happened at dinner after they left. Peter says Porsha feels she’s being bullied by everyone. Cynthia explains when you spread lies about people and they confront you with those lies, it’s not bullying. In a different car, Kenya shares that after dinner she was on Kandi-duty. She told Kandi that Porsha doesn’t have a moral fiber in her body, so let it go. Phaedra is still defending Porsha and says they don’t know what really happened that night. Seriously, Phaedra? Kenya argues with her, but it’s a waste of time. Phaedra has her own reasons for backing Porsha.
Meanwhile, Cynthia is enjoying Peter’s presence in Maui and is considering another dip in the Peter-pool. The same can’t be said for Bob and Sheree. They can’t relate to Cynthia and Peter’s post-divorce bliss because Sheree and Bob hated each other while Sheree was trying to collect her seven-figure check. Bob asks Sheree if he ever touched, smacked or choked her and when she confirms he did, Bob says he obviously didn’t choke her hard enough. NOT FUNNY BOB! This trip was a test and Bob just failed. Sheree starts crying and Kenya hugs her. Bob is really sweating now. Phaedra tells Bob to apologize, like five times, but he doesn’t. He reaches out to hold Sheree’s hand, but can’t say the two words she needs to hear the most: I’m deplorable.
Hold onto your wigs, it’s time to go speed boating! Cynthia thought they were going on a yacht and wore a pretty dress that will soon be soaked and see-thru. Over at the couples massage, just as Porsha says what a great decision it was not to go on the boat ride, a gust of wind knocks over their umbrellas. Things aren’t much better on the bumpy boat ride that everyone will need ibuprofen or stronger. The only person who likes it is Kenya and keeps asking to make it twirl. As the sun sets, Porsha and Todd frolic in the water and pretend they are a happy couple who are in love.
At dinner, the rest of the group notices how well Peter and Cynthia are getting along. But the conversation turns to threesomes and how Todd has video footage from that night. They laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but Debbie-Downer Phaedra mentions how sad it is that Porsha can’t be there sharing in the fun. She suggests a restoration service because Jesus is needed stat, y’all. No time to get a church or the preacher. Kandi is like, Y’all have fun, but I’m done. Cynthia says she’ll give it a try. Phaedra says they’ll call the conversation forgiveness. Kenya asks how you forgive someone who isn’t asking to be forgiven. Deep. Phaedra tells Kenya to let her do all the talking. Kenya cries fake tears over Porsha not joining them. Peter suggests to the men that now would be a good time to go to the bar.
So back at the hotel, Phaedra is preparing for the restoration service. Porsha and Sheree arrive and discuss how Sheree thinks Bob is still a sweating, cross-eyed, immature man. Kandi arrives and the mood quickly shifts. They catch Kandi up on what occurred with Bob and Sheree. Finally Kenya and Cynthia arrive and Phaedra gets down to business explaining that they need to give peace a chance – she didn’t sing it – though that would have been nice if she had a tambourine. Anyway, somehow this gets turnt around on Kenya for something that happened a while back when Sheree blamed Kenya for Matt’s ratchet behavior. Kenya says women shouldn’t blame other women for men’s bad behavior. And besides, when Bob said what he did, Kenya reached out and gave Sheree a hug.
Over in the bar, the men-folk are discussing how they don’t get involved in the women’s stuff. Not true, but whatever, keep drinking. Bob brings up that he’s put a lot of wounds on Sheree. Too bad he couldn’t tell Sheree this in the car.
Back at the Lord-help-us restoration, two hours later and nothing is resolved. Kenya and Sheree tell each other they should each be ashamed of themselves. Porsha mentions that although Kandi was crying real or fake tears, the point is, she upset Kandi. This is as close as Kandi’s going to get for Porsha taking any kind of ownership, but it’s too late because Kandi don’t give damn – so she says. Flashbacks are shown of all the times Kandi supported Porsha, back in the day when no one else did. Kandi explains this whole thing occurred because she mentioned Porsha had sex with Block. Porsha is like, When you take low blows, I’m gonna blow lower. Here’s an idea, sell this tee-shirt with the Who’s Gonna Check Me Boo? It could be sold as a twosome, unless they want to make it a threesome, which they probably do. In any event, Phaedra tries to wrap it up, but Porsha isn’t done yet. She tells Kandi to apologize to Phaedra. Mmm-hmm. Girl doesn’t know when to shut up.
Kandi explains that she never said Phaedra has sex with another man. She said Phaedra was talking to other men before Apollo went to Club Fed – which we all assumed was a metaphor for sex. Phaedra says she wasn’t talking to other guys, emphasis on the s. So apparently there was just one guy. Kandi offers an apology for saying Phaedra called the Feds on the stuff Kandi and Todd were illegally storing for Apollo. Before they leave, Cynthia throws shade at Phaedra for not knowing how to have a restoration. Three words: waste of time.
The following day, Bob is at the jewelry store waiting for Sheree so he can buy his sorry ass out of the dog house. Sheree asks if this is a joke. The jeweler hopes it ain’t. Bob explains it’s his coping mechanism to laugh at Sheree’s pain that he caused. When Sheree gets up to leave, Bob grabs her hand and tries to hold on, but she pulls away. Bob is laughing and sweating. Sheree is glad she invited Bob on this Hawaiian vacation because her eyes are now open, she has seen the light and dodged a bullet. Can I get an amen? We finally got to see a spiritual restoration!
Tune in next week when the trouble in paradise continues and Phaedra blames Kenya for her marriage woes.