A glamping we will go, a glamping we will go, hi-ho with the merry-hoe’s, a glamping we will go! But first on The Real Housewives of Atlanta we must check in with Porsha and her anger management coach, Dr. Smith. Sounds made up, right? He asks Porsha about her homework and right away Porsha describes how she was attacked by the ladies and how her one friend, Phaedra didn’t have her back. Dr. Smith says it sounds like the people in her circle aren’t her true support system. “Say what?” said no one in their right mind. And don’t get Porsha started on “little girl” Kandi, acting a fool. Dr. Smith recommends that Porsha bring a support buddy with her on the glamping trip.
Simultaneously, Phaedra and Kenya are shopping for poo-shovels. Yes, that’s a real thing apparently, but how is that glamping? Kenya asserts that Porsha’s anger management clearly isn’t working and therefore she shouldn’t go. Phaedra says that sometimes everyone attacks Porsha. Kenya threatens to hang herself with one of the ropes because of the word: attack. Ain’t nobody attacking nobody. Phaedra makes a weird face as if deciding on whether or not to let Kenya hang herself, then recommends they go naked and afraid on their “glamping” trip.
So Cynthia meets up with Matt at a park to discuss what his problem is. There have now been four incidents of damage to Moore Manor allegedly caused by Matt. Four?! Cynthia is no Iyanla, so she just asks for Matt’s top five complaints. Matt says there’s no respect, no communication, they don’t see eye to eye, they can’t have regular conversations, they don’t speak the same language, and then he starts breaking things. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Matt. Take it easy. That’s six. Cynthia tells Matt that Kenya is a drama queen and Matt is like, Drama Queen of my dreams. Cynthia should be telling Matt to hit the road, but instead wants to help the couple who put the funk in dysfunctional.
Up next is a surprise engagement party for Shamea thrown by Kandi. You’re supposed to wear white, but Cynthia, Marlo and Sheree didn’t get the “wear white” memo. Not invited to the soiree are Kenya and Phaedra, which is understandable since they think Shamea’s messy. When Shamea learns Porsha won’t be coming, the tears fall. Porsha is obviously jealous because Shamea and Kandi are very, very, very close these days. But don’t dry those tears, Shamea, because more insults are coming your way.
Sheree tells the ladies that Phaedra’s been saying Shamea done slept with every husband in Atlanta. And Shamea is like, Girl if that were true I would have hopped on the Apollo train by now for all the times he tried. And Shamea ain’t done. She says word on the street is that Phae-Phae back in the day used to be Queen of the BJ’s. Sheree tells Shamea that her BFF Porsha doesn’t have her back. Shamea says she’s going to hit Porsha up, but watch out because Porsha hits back.
Over at Cynthia’s new lake house, there is no furniture and Kenya pops in without calling first. The two women go sit on the dock. Cynthia gets right to the conversation with Matt and what he said. The bottom line is, Matt says it’s all Kenya’s fault. He’s just reacting to her. Kenya is like, I am in a relationship with a five-year old. And when Cynthia explains that Matt is okay with Kenya being a drama queen, ironically, Kenya becomes the child. Kenya doesn’t feel Cynthia is a loyal friend, so she twirls on home.
Elsewhere, Porsha stops by Shamea’s house to open the crystal glasses Porsha sent to her. Shamea tells Porsha she was devastated that her so-called BFF wasn’t at her engagement party. Porsha explains that although the party was supposed to be about Shamea, Porsha thought it best to make it about herself and blame her nonattendance on Kandi. As for the comment about Shamea sleeping with every married man in Atlanta, Porsha has no recollection about this comment – so a flashback is shown. Porsha then blames Shamea for being a mud-slinger. Shamea is tired of arguing with a box of rocks her friend and just warns Porsha to be careful of Frack because she’s whack. Porsha is like, Tra-la-la-la-la. My friend Phaedra would never say anything bad about me.
Let’s go glamping! The groups are meeting in two separate homes. Sheree is hosting the women in her front yard and no one can go inside because she probably doesn’t have the occupancy certificate yet. And Kenya is hosting the rest of the girls inside her air-conditioned home, but they will have the difficulty of walking up Kenya’s steep driveway with their luggage in order to catch the bus. Both have muffins and sparkling wine, so can I get an amen!
Marlo arrives at Sheree’s dirt front yard in her high-heels and jewelry like she’s going to the mall. She is the support buddy for Sheree. Cynthia goes to Kenya’s house and the two have a quick pow-wow about whether Cynthia has her back or not. She does. Phaedra arrives next at Kenya’s house and says she’s not sure if Frick is coming or not. Porsha is coming, and she’s bringing her support buddy, sister Lauren over to Sheree’s. But first Porsha wants to have a pow-wow with Sheree about her talking smack. Sheree is like, Hey girl, it’s good to overshare.
Kandi arrives and is bringing her support buddy, Hazel. Phaedra explains to the group that the first night will not be glamping, they will be roughing it, but not to worry, she has ordered a port-a-potty. After some nonsense, everyone is on the bus. Kenya is not happy to see Marlo, because she is jealous she didn’t get the support-buddy memo. Well Kenya, at least you have Phaedra.
Marlo announces she will be holding her: Ask Marlo segment this evening about herself and her vast knowledge of fashion because she is so fashion forward – like wearing five-inch heels to go camping. Support buddy Hazel doesn’t understand why they are asking Marlo anything, so Marlo throws shade at the girl who’s dressed like she’s actually going camping.
Porsha shows everyone her note from Dr. Smith prescribing her support buddy and the others are just posers. Hazel must think this is the: Ask Anything to Anyone segment because now she’s asking if Porsha is currently under emotional distress. Porsha explains she’s been very open about her anger management, to which everyone calls bullshit on. They tell Porsha only when she’s confronted. Porsha is like, Y’all are condescending bitches. Marlo wants to know who specifically is the condescending bitch, and Porsha points to Kenya. These ladies haven’t even crossed the county line and are at each other’s throats. Hopefully there will be no archery or rifle lessons this weekend.