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Sister Wives Tell-All Recap: Plural Marriage Problems!

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The cast of Sister Wives hashed out the season with NBC news correspondent, Andrea Canning, and TLC began to spill the tea on last night’s Tell All episode. Kody, along with wives, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn dished about a season peppered with shockers, but void of real change.

The Bride and Her Father

A walk down Maddie and Caleb’s wedding lane kicks off the post-season party. Everyone agrees that Caleb is charming, a good catch, and pretty stinkin’ cute. Kody strangely admits that he “gets” Maddie’s attraction to his new son-in-law. The family shares their views on freaky monogamous weddings, not unlike the lovely one they shared with Maddie. Janelle informs us that polygamous weddings are solemn, and held in sacred places — unlike monogamous free-for-alls.

Rob-Probs

The pitfalls of cult life are addressed, accompanied by haunting music. Christine gets busted for blaming Robyn every time Kody messes up, but  Kody labels his flaws minor ones — a comment Christine finds adorable. The crabby family ripples are real — and they have to know how to navigate the mad annoyance flying around the cul-de-sac. We are informed that Robyn remains so neutral, that she’s practically perfect in every way. Kody reminds the viewers that the wives hate each other, just as much as they hate him. The culture clash is real in polygamy, and the backbiting emotions just come with the territory. Janelle notes that it’s way dicier to be mad at the wives, aka Meri, than with Kody.

Mykelti and Tony

Mykelti and Tony’s love-trek into a quickie engagement is revisited, in all it’s gory glory. Tony’s first impression on the Browns is described as quiet and “watchful,” TLC rewinds Tony’s clunky TV debut, and Kody’s clunkier reactions. Kody obnoxiously calls attention to his fugly wardrobe, and admits that his gut is even worse. The family giggles in horror at a flashback to Tony’s immature financial advice, sharing that they passed on mortgaging their homes to pay for a tacky wedding. Kody describes the financial crush as a “long and lovely” life, but Christine maintains hope that some of the kids will just elope on a mountain. Mykelti’s old boyfriends have been gross — so the girl clearly has a type. Mykelti isn’t old enough to get married, but neither is her mother — so it’s all good.

The Next Generation

Logan, Aspyn, Hunter, Mariah, Mykelti, Tony, Madison, and Caleb sit in the spotlight next, and Mykelti is promptly asked about the engagement shocker. Mykelti shares her thoughts about the family’s panic, and the couple gives us a brief background on how they got together. Tony’s ears perked up at the word, “polygamist,” and knew that Mykelti would be a keeper. Tony rocks his first Tell-All appearance, cosigning Kody’s sex restrictions—and without smirking. TLC rewinds Kody chastity sermon, while the young adults shift, cringe, and twitch. Caleb reveals that it was easy to fit into the cult, because everyone is nice, especially that big lug, Kody. Mykelti shows off the ol’ Brown spirit, revealing that her wedding was rushed for tax purposes. Kody would be proud, and Mykelti has no financial regrets. Logan shares that he and Michelle have spoken about marriage, but are still working out the details. Military school has done Hunter good, and he seems to be maturing into a fine young man.

Fish Talk

The catfish canoodle is addressed, along with Mare’s YaYa Sisterhood of the Cyber-stalked. Meri has survived, and they all celebrate by remembering the happy days of her Atlanta meeting with Cheryl. Meri, Lindsay and Sam’s contradictory tales are revisited, a ride Mare labels as “a crazy time.” Meri retells the terrifying tales of driving Miss Lindsay — and describes the moment “it” all became clear — the story becoming more dramatic at every turn. Andrea busts Meri for being a dirty liar, pointing out that she once said she would never leave Kody. Meri admits the she did dream, ponder, fantasize, and think long and hard about leaving, but alas, it was not meant to be. Meri believes that the kids are worth hanging in there for, even if all of the adults stink. Meri was “gone”….bananas that is, but now she’s back, in all her maternal glory.

Plural Deception

Kody and Meri’s relationship sits in the hot seat next, and Meri shares that she is the only one who desires growth. Meri isn’t really sure that the family trusts her, but the ladies all agree that she is a damn reliable babysitter. Meri has reattached herself to the kiddos, after leaving them in the dust, on the way to her computer. Kody calls the marriage decimation a “wakeup call,” noting that they were deceiving themselves about their relationship. Meri talks about her many “options” during those dark days, the standout being ditching the family, and running off with Sam. Meri loves the kiddies, but no one else. Kody reminds us all that no one is shackled to any wet bar. Janelle is happy that Mare didn’t fly the cult, and that Kody is too shackled to TLC to go anywhere. We learn that Meri is free to go — but will not. The family determines that the marriage is moving in the right direction, which brings excited giggles from the couches. Christine just wants to be forever trapped in Kody’s eyes, but Robyn is excited to hear Kody say that it’s an open-door harem. Meri just wants Kody to give a crap — but until she ditches the mustard loungewear, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Next week on the final episode — more of the same.

 

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