The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with last week’s snap — wrapping up the tense lunch at Camille’s. Eileen has not let it go, and continues to drone on about the non-connection between dropping family members and last season’s Vander-drama. Dorit points out that she isn’t interested in Eileen’s tail-chasing storyline, and thinks that she’s sitting in one unfair hot seat. Eileen spins into another comment about the panty gift—calling the gesture “cute,” but Dorit nails her for stirring up cooch-hysteria behind her back. Erika manages to mumble something about vaginal loyalty, and Eileen comments that Dorit is turning her into a villain. Viewers have already done that — long ago.
We jump over to Kyle’s, where a baby shower for Kim’s daughter is on the schedule. Kim arrives, as Kyle rewinds Kim’s mommy victories, and her bright future as a granny. Kim assures us that life is good again. Her recovery is on track, and she has bounced back from the Target heist. Kim looks darling in her new dress, which still has the security tag hanging off the hem — a too-good-to-be-true touch. Kim informs us that her daughter doesn’t want a drunk granny around her baby boy, so she knows that her sobriety is super, duper, extra important.
We next sit through a ridiculous babble session between Eden and Rinna. Eden gifts Rinna with a miracle rock, and Rinna is amazed at her new-age dollar store understanding. The duo yammers about toxins, energy, crystals and honor — connecting on a level where only cuckoo birds can fly. They discuss addiction, and Eden is proclaimed a champ in Rinna’s eyes. Eden wears her addiction badge loud and proud—unlike another certain Housewife. Eden admits that although her constant state of bliss is legit, she is kind of a bitch. She shares that despite her luxurious upbringing, her womb time was shafted, and it was all downhill from there. Rinna has found her other half of crazy — and the ladies are thrilled that their intense life journeys have intertwined for our viewing pleasure.
We next sit in on Erika’s “Expensive” video prep, and get glimpses of her cheap looking wardrobe, while Erika describes how she is making “it” happen. The set is being built, and Erika assures us that everything is top notch. We shift over to Kyle, who is greeting her game night hosts. We get a fun rewind of past game night disasters, but Kyle believes that with the slut pig out of the picture, all will go well. Kim, Erika and Eden arrive, and Kyle’s patio looks great. Eden finally meets Kim face to face, smothering the poor woman in an overdramatic, emotional embrace. Kim throws out a nice sentiment about her deceased sister, as Lisa and Dorit arrive. Lisa and Kim exchange raised eyebrows, pointing to crazy Rinna wrecking the vibe, as Eileen picks up the trouble-hustler herself. Eileen braces herself, as the pair finally walks into the party. Rinna and Kim exchange awkward hellos, as the cast tries not to stare in suspense. Bravo offers some plucky background music, as Rinna fumbles through her rehearsed ice-breakers. Kim shares her thoughts about becoming a grandmother with the group, and the gals chat and giggle. Rinna and Eileen shoot some side-eyes and eye rolls — and the shade doesn’t get by a sober Kim.
The ladies have loosened up, so the group is launched into a game of running charades, and it looks fun. The “puppet game” is next, undoubtedly a Bravo nod to the queen. The women grab, tackle and grope each other, and Lisa snarks about the joy of manipulating Rinna with her own bony claws. Rinna admits that the game is Lisa’s dream come true, and is a good sport. Kyle and Dorit gush over the new girl with the random tats, and Dorit just hopes that her hot vibe means that she’s a part-time lesbian. The group breaks to chill by the pool, and a flattered Eden shoots down Dorit’s dream. Eileen resumes her spin, whispering to Kyle about panty-gossip triggering Dorit’s bitch instincts. Eileen summons Dorit away from her lady-dipping fantasy, to clear the air. Eileen resumes the panty rinse and repeat, like an underwear obsessed freak. Dorit nails Kyle for butting her shady honker into the drama, and Kyle determines that Dorit — who is owning them all — feels guilty. Eileen valiantly defends Erika’s crotch, while Erika sits like an underwear clad mannequin. The camera catches Eden raising an eyebrow, pondering her group prognosis. Dorit nails Eileen’s demands as circular, which Eileen clarifies as a never-ending opinion ring. Erika wakes up for a second, and offers a couple of unenthusiastic quips. Kim throws in, and votes for wearing no panties forever.
Rinna rambles more nonsense about how boundaries intersect death stress, and Dorit accuses Eileen of being Rinna’s coach. Lisa sits quietly on the sidelines, sniping silent cheers for Dorit. Kim decides that the moment is perfect to get the real party started with Rinna, commenting that Eileen and Rinna cheer each other on. Kim brings up their past chaos, and we get a delish replay of the Amsterdam glass smash. Rinna reminds Kim that her beloved’s name was tarnished, and Kim asks Harry who? — so Rinna goes for the jugular, and brings up her Target bust. It’s a nasty move, and Rinna admits that she hit low — her usual hustle when she is pushed into a corner. Eden steps in, and abstractly diagnoses Kim with deeper issues that lack honor, love, crystals and energy. Kim ignores her. She admits that she is peeved and wants an apology, and Rinna seems to sincerely oblige. Rinna credits Eden’s chiseled stare for building a bridge of random honor between her and Kim — but I would bet that Kim would disagree.
Next week, Erika shoots her video, and the cast takes off for the first trip of the season. Cross your fingers that all panty-chat is left back in Beverly Hills!