We join the Ladies of London with a tipsy Sophie and her wonderful hat who stops by Jules house after a fabulous party where she had a fabulous time. Jules tells Sophie about the exclusive party she attended the night before and in walks Caroline S with an attitude. The two exchanged catty remarks about how not be rude to guests with house rules and how not to walk out in the middle of a dinner. Sophie tells Marissa she cannot join in on the Caroline bashing per their new agreement. Jules says she understands, but then proceeds to cry about it. Sophie’s buzz is officially killed.
The ladies are packing for Scotland. At this point, nobody is really looking forward to it, it’s more like a chore on their to-do list. Except Caroline F. She’s meditating, breathing in with the positivity and out with the negativity to locate peace and tranquility. Caroline is not a fan of flying, especially since this short flight does not have a first-class.
No shock, side-kick Luke is going on the girl’s weekend and the husbands are coming to the rented castle at the end of the week. Jules’ plan is to lower her expectations, that way if no one cries or dies, then the weekend will have been a success. On the flight, Caroline F’s meditation doesn’t help and she resorts to breathing into a bag.
But they make it to Edinburgh! Caroline S has booked a separate car just for the luggage. She’s off to a good start on hosting. Two of the girls are off to a slow start, however. Juliet thinks leprechauns can be found in Scotland (Ireland) and Marissa doesn’t know the country’s alcoholic choice (Scotch). Can they both be suffering from baby brain like Luke suggests? The leprechaun in the room, however, is that Marissa is moving to California.
Bagpipes and champagne are waiting for the ladies when they arrive at the gorgeous Dundas Castle which is considered “very Downton Abbey-esque.” For Caroline F it’s like coming home. Growing up she and all her friends lived in castles – didn’t everybody? Caroline S informs the ladies that although there are no rules, the new rule is you don’t have to come to breakfast, but you do have to come to lunch and dinner. Caroline F feels this is a jab over her meltdown when her guests slept in and nearly missed breakfast.
Outside Sophie and Caroline S have a sit-down so Sophie can kiss her ass some more. In the parlor Lady Julie is talking smack about the rudeness from Caroline gossiping over Marissa leaving the country, but is shut down by Adela and Luke. The ladies are shown to their rooms and they are most lovely. Marissa’s room, called Spring Room, is my fav. At the last minute, Caroline S makes Marissa switch with her because the master bedroom, called Summer Room, doesn’t have an en suite bathroom. Caroline blames it on her need to be next door to Luke. Her hosting abilities are slipping down the scale.
Marissa asks if they are okay, and Caroline S says now that you mention it, I heard you were talking crap about me. Marissa tries to explain she heard the rumor from Juliet, but didn’t start it. Caroline S doesn’t believe her and Marissa is so tired she doesn’t give a damn.
The drama parade continues as Caroline S goes to Juliet’s room to tell her to STFU about her leaving the country to move to Dubai with the others. Juliet tries to say, “Hark though is innocent always,” and up walks Marissa who just wants to take a nap. Caroline S says yet again that she expects totally, unfailing loyalty from her friends. Flashbacks are shown of the repeated scenes Caroline has said the word, loyalty. Let it go, woman! Julie has the best idea, let’s do shots of whiskey.
Tonight is casual night, but the Ladies of London give new meaning to casual and are mostly dressed to the nines – Juliet and Marissa are only dressed to the sevens. Before dinner, Julie pulls Marissa aside to tell her she looks exhausted and she’s concerned, but it doesn’t long for Julie to change the subject to herself and how she’s no longer allowed to bitch and moan about Caroline S to Sophie when for weeks and weeks that’s all Sophie did with her. Once again, Marissa is too tired to give a damn, but Jules is behaving like a daft cow and continues on and on and on.
Turns out dinner is elsewhere. A castle this big surely has a kitchen, why are they not eating there? Caroline S still gives seating assignments at the restaurant with Marissa next to her. Then she gives a sweet for her toast to the other ladies. Sophie gushes over how much she will miss her sister-in-law. Adela admits to having a dry spell when it comes to sex and Marissa one-ups her by describing her dry spell with only tip sex and then being covered in bruises from full throttle sex. Eww. Over dinner? I’m expecting Caroline S’s head to explode but the champagne is obviously working because she joins in the discussion.
Adela then opens up about her drinking problem. She said red wine was never her thing. White wine was her preferred poison, and once she started drinking, she couldn’t stop. Adela says in a testimonial “you drink to drown your sorrows, but they learn to swim.” And while that is very profound, from the outside Adela has led an enchanted life. She shares that rock bottom for her was trying to commit suicide. This topic is making Juliet very uncomfortable, not the sex talk mind you, and she mentions like a fool that suicide is selfish. Adela explains she felt helpless and desperate. I want to give her a hug, as opposed to Juliet kicking her some more while she’s down.
Caroline F excuses herself from the table to go outside for a ciggy-break and takes Marissa with her so they can rant about Juliet being antagonistic. The women at the table tell Juliet that she is being feisty, weird and aggressive, and to stop it. Juliet doesn’t know what they are talking about.
Top of the morning to you! The nanny calls Marissa to tell her baby Sadie won’t stop crying. Marissa starts crying because she’s so tired. Her nanny gives her a pep talk about how it’s natural for British mom’s to be holographic figures in their children’s lives, and to enjoy herself.
The good news is everyone makes it to breakfast. Caroline F does not like the choices presented and wants to have a looksee in the kitchen. Problem is the kitchen is closed and all the food has come from off-site. Caroline S takes another verbal jab at Marissa and her gossiping and brown-nosing Juliet jumps on board and calls Marissa a martyr. Sophie tries to make light of the situation and says the room is filled with love, except for Juliet. Juliet goes ghetto on Sophie tells her she’s about to open a can of negativity on her ass.
Tune in next week for a randy good time when the ladies’ men show up – except Sophie’s.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.